(lively music)
What a delight, what an honor it is to be with you,
celebrating love, celebrating new ideas,
celebrating with you at the summit.
Celebrating with you that in spite of some headwind
and challenges and difficulties in our relationship,
in our physical health, in our emotional health,
in our spiritual health, in our journey through life,
in spite of all the adversity we face,
we believe that the foundation is firm,
that love is indeed still in the air,
and that the best days are in front of us.
My name is John O'Leary.
At age nine, I was burned on 100% of my body
and expected to die.
Today, I've got the honor and the great fortune
of being married,
of celebrating that sacrament for the last 16 years,
of having four children in our lives,
of having a business that I love,
of having a couple number one national
bestselling books out there.
One is called "In Awe," one is called "On Fire."
I've been a speaker, I've been a believer,
and I've been certain that
in spite of all the challenges we face,
that there's reason for hope.
And I think right now in the midst of this difficult season,
we face politically with the divisiveness,
with the economy,
with the headwind,
with the coronavirus,
with everything else that we have going on in our lives,
we need to recognize that,
that this too shall pass.
So tonight I wanted to share with you three questions
that I think will steal the joy
and steal the life
and steal the possibility from your life.
And then I wanted to replace them
with three life-giving questions.
Questions that will fill you with more love,
with more hope, with more faith,
with more possibility, with more truth.
It is truth, more truth,
that your best days are in front of you.
So it's a thrill to be with you,
and I'm going to be celebrating with you tonight
what remains possible with you at the Love IDEAS Summit.
When you struggle though,
because love doesn't take away those struggles,
when you struggle emotionally,
when you struggle physically,
when you struggle financially,
when you struggle spiritually,
when you struggle socially,
when you struggle with the headlines
that are in the paper every single day, these days,
when, not if,
when you struggle,
and when you choose to remain a victim to that storm,
whatever the storm is,
what is the favorite question that we love to ask,
when we choose to remain beat down?
Why me?
So my friends, brothers and sisters, fellow leaders,
today I want to give you three questions,
starting with that first,
to stop asking.
And then we will replace them
with three life-giving questions.
So question number one,
to remove from your love-centered vocabulary is, why me.
Because when we ask that question,
rather than looking up and giving thanks,
rather than rolling up our sleeves and getting to work,
rather than reaching out in acceptance and love
to the ones around us,
we close our hearts.
We shut our arms.
We look down.
We get a little bit jaded due to the season.
And then we whisper meekly out the second question,
who cares, who cares?
So question number one is why me,
question number two is who cares?
It's the great question of indifference.
And indifference in a marriage,
indifference during a health crisis,
indifference during a political crisis,
indifference during COVID-19
or whatever else is going on
in your own personal walk today.
Indifference will lead to death.
It's a slow fade but eventually,
it's gonna take us all the way there.
So question number two that I'm encouraging you strongly
today and tomorrow and each day going forward,
to stop asking is, who cares?
Because when we ask that question,
it's going to lend itself to the third
and the final nail in our coffins.
What more can I do?
I'm just one.
I'm too new, I'm too old.
It's too hard, we tried it already.
What more can I do, what more can I do?
But today, leaders, servants, family, friends,
leaders who love ideas, who love life,
who love relationships and who believe like I do,
that the best days are in front of us,
today, we are going to be asking
three completely different questions.
Questions that will breathe life back into your heart,
back into your faith,
back into your relationships,
back into your work,
back into your lives.
So question number one that we are asking
on the front side of every single day,
we wake up a little bit early,
maybe before everybody else,
while everybody else is still sleeping
or hitting the snooze bar,
we make our way outside, we look east.
And as we watch the light cut through the darkness,
recognizing that things are not perfect,
but we do still live at the freest, wealthiest time.
We recognize that we're blessed,
that we're highly favored,
that we were chosen for days like this,
that our life is not an accident.
And so we wipe the tears from our eyes,
as we watch the light cut through the darkness,
and we asked the question, are you ready for it?
You write it down, please.
Please do write it down, here it is.
Why me?
Eyes to see, ears to hear.
Hot coffee to drink,
and to hopefully clear out your throat.
Hearts that beat free.
Opportunity to think and collaborate
and forgive and love and to dream and pray or choose not to.
Why me?
Why me, man?
Blessed.
Extraordinarily fortunate, highly favored.
And aware of it.
It starts with awareness, doesn't it?
So we begin each day aware of what we have.
Why me?
It's very easy to make a list of how bad things are,
how broken everything is,
how miserable our lot is,
how unfair our life is.
It's very common these days.
But we don't start there.
We'll get to that list.
But rather than complaining about it,
we're gonna work to redeem it and make it better.
But we start with that first list
of what we're grateful for.
This is not a hollow exercise.
It's gonna build our emotional intelligence.
It's gonna build resiliency.
It's gonna ensure that our best days are in front of us.
Gratitude leads to creativity,
collaboration, acceptance, forgiveness,
a whole lot of beautiful characteristics
grow out of gratitude.
That's why we start there.
We ask the question, why me?
And then we get out of bed.
We dance to the shower.
We grab that silver nozzle, turn that baby up, right?
And then we asked the question,
who cares?
Who cares if it's hard,
if it's never been done.
If she didn't say sorry, and I'm still mad at her.
If he didn't give me the kind of gift that I wanted.
Who cares?
We do something here that is highly valuable,
it is incredibly significant.
It has worth at work, in relationships,
top line revenue, bottom line profitability,
at home, in our relationships there,
raising our kids, guiding for our aging parents
leading forward, successfully and significantly-based lives.
We ask the question who cares,
but we don't ask it out of indifference.
We ask it out of profound care.
We do care.
And so we ask that question,
we'll come back to that here in a moment.
And it leads eventually to the third and the final question.
Anybody want to guess what it is?
What more can I do?
Do you see a similarity in those two sets of questions?
Yes or no?
Love IDEAS Summit leaders, yes or no?
Do you see a similarity?
It turns out that the manner in which we ask questions
will inform what we see, how we feel, what we think,
what repulses us, what turns us on for life,
what we love, what inspires us, what breaks our heart,
and ultimately the actions we take,
which will lead directly to the results we get.
So today, I want to guide you through that process
of asking those three questions,
not as victims to our circumstances,
but as victors, recognizing that this life is not easy.
It is not perfect, not this side of eternity.
But the foundation is firm.
We are not alone.
Our lives have value.
You are a gift.
And the best is in front of you even still.
So I want to guide you through a little bit
of a slide deck that I prepared for today.
I know everybody loves slides.
But as I do so, I use a slide
to support the story that I'm about to share.
Starting with question number one around gratitude.
Do you think gratitude matters, yes or no?
All research speaks to the impact that
gratitude has on love, on relationships,
on work, on success, on significance, on creativity,
on collaboration, on longevity for years.
We can read about it.
We can research this, that's phenomenal stuff.
But I've seen it in my own life.
I've seen it into my marriage,
I've seen it with my children,
and I saw it growing up with my dad.
So I wanted to begin my very first story on a personal note,
celebrating my dad.
So let me show you my dad right now.
He's the great hero of my life,
and you'll meet him right there.
That is my dad up there.
He's seated right next to my daughter.
Her name is Grace, his name is Denny.
As I go through these pictures,
I want you to identify what you noticed on my dad's face.
Okay?
And as you get ready to identify
what you notice on my father's face,
I also want you to identify
what you see on the faces of those around him.
And as you get ready to answer that question,
recognize that my father
has had Parkinson's disease for 31 years.
Recognize that he has been struggling mightily
for the majority of that time.
Recognize that he's been unable to earn
his own paycheck for the last 15.
He's been unable to drive for the last 12.
He's been unable to walk for the last decade.
And for the last several years,
he's been unable to speak.
This man struggles massively.
But he is on fire with life.
He chooses joy.
And I want you to notice what you see in his face, okay?
So look at his face.
And then notice what you see
on the faces of those around him.
What do you see on his face?
That's my son, Jack, he's my oldest.
And what do you notice on the face of those around him?
That's my father in our Live Inspired studio.
Man, my dad is stuffing calendars, but what do you notice?
Yeah, the wheelchair is behind him,
the work is in front of him,
but what do you notice on his face?
And what do you notice on the faces of those around him?
That was our last live book signing in 2020.
I bring my dad with me as frequently as possible
when I can travel nearby
so we can hop in a car and be a company with me.
But I also bring him as an example for everybody else
on what real courage looks like in action.
What do you notice on his face?
And what do you notice on the faces of everybody around him?
Go chat in.
You see the joy?
You see the courage?
You see the fight?
You see the faith?
You see the resiliency?
You see the pure joy?
You see the love?
And what do you see on the faces of those around him?
It's reflected.
Love is reflected.
We've mirror neurons in all of our bodies
that reflect our take, our perspective on life,
to everybody around us.
My dad reflects goodness and grace and love,
and it is reflected back to him in spades.
It's an amazing story for a guy
who is so beat down and struggled so mightily in life.
He's an amazing, amazing human being.
I sat with my dad five years ago now,
he's on the screened porch in his wheelchair.
He'd already spilled his ice tea once,
my mother just ran inside to get some towels to clean it up,
and to bring him another drink.
So I look at my dad and I said,
"Dad, how can you be so optimistic, so passionate for life,
when you have so many challenges?"
And his response was,
"John, how can I not be when I have so many blessings?"
So I said, "Dad, can you give me three things
you're grateful for because of Parkinson's disease?"
And I had no idea, my friends,
what my father might respond back with.
This is an invisible disability that my father carries,
but it is a massive struggle that he has.
So I had no idea what response he might say.
Dad, what do you have to be thankful for
because of Parkinson's disease?
But as I saw him look up to the right and began thinking,
he started sharing with me what he was grateful for,
his three things.
I wrote them down,
I want to share these three things with you today.
And if you are at home right now,
you may want to write these down too,
because maybe some of us need to be taking inventory.
Not only of all the things that we've lost,
and all the struggles we have,
but all the joy, all the love,
all the possibility that remains,
all the things we still, even today,
have to be grateful for.
The first thing my dad said,
"John, I'm grateful it was not a more serious disease."
Then he went on to say, "I used to be so busy,
but now I have nothing but time to reflect on my life,
and who God is in my journey.
I'm really grateful for that time, John."
The third and final thing my dad said is,
"John, I've always liked your mom."
To which I responded, "Dad, I'm glad you like my mom.
You started dating my mom
when she was a freshman in high school.
I'm glad you like my mom.
You've been married to my mom for 50 years.
I'm glad you like my mom."
And he said, "John, I think you're missing the point.
Everybody's pushing me farther and farther back.
Everybody.
But your mother, my wife,
keeps stepping closer and closer and closer.
I'm grateful for her.
I love her."
And at this point, I'm a total train wreck.
So I, you know, I'm an easy cry,
a good dog food commercial will frequently get me.
I stand up, I wipe my tears.
I walk over over to give my dad a big, huge bear hug.
And then he says to me, very faintly,
but very firmly, "John,
sit down.
I'm not done.
Sit down, I'm not done."
So Love IDEAS Summit friends, sit down for one more moment.
This exercise on gratitude,
ultimately, it's not just about my dad.
It's about us.
It's about our journey forward.
It's about the fact that we are not alone.
That even in the midst of the storm,
there are things to be grateful for.
And it will change not only how you look back,
how you feel about the moment,
but even how you feel about where you're going next.
So sit back, take a few notes.
Then I'm going to have you answer that very same question,
what are you grateful for?
Here's the rest of my father's list.
The time at home with his kids, he's got six.
And his grand babies, he's got 21 grand babies.
He talked about medical technology,
and the men and women who provide it.
What a gift it is to have these amazing people
showing up and serving.
His mental health counselors, his physical therapist,
his speech coach, his occupational therapist,
his surgeons, the entire team that support my dad.
He's grateful for these individuals.
And of course, as a family, so are we.
He talked about when he was on top of the world.
He's not sure that he was completely compassionate
for those who were buried by it.
But now that he sometimes feels
as if he is walking in the valley of darkness,
he has a heart that is open to those around him.
What a gift it is to have a heart tenderized for others,
to grow in compassion, in empathy.
And in a word that you've been hearing
a lot the last couple of days,
in love, to grow in love.
We can grow in love through various channels,
but sometimes, perhaps surprisingly,
sometimes it's through challenge,
sometimes it's through adversity.
Sometimes it's in discovering what really matters.
He told me, "John, when I have to crawl,
I'm grateful for the days that I could walk.
When I cannot speak, John,
I'm grateful for the days when I could."
This next one might be one of my favorites.
He said, "John, when your mother drives me,
I am supremely grateful for the handicap spot.
Everywhere she takes me, we have rockstar parking.
The red carpet is rolled directly to my door.
She gets out, she grabs the wheelchair.
She rolls it around,
I slide in.
And we both giggle all the way in.
We're grateful for that rockstar parking."
What a gift to see,
even the challenges of life as a blessing.
That's how my dad chooses to perceive his day.
As he says and ask the question, why me.
He talked about of the time to write a book
called "Overwhelming Odds."
We never talked about what happened to his son, John,
when that little boy was burned at age nine.
That person, by the way, is me.
We never talked about amputations and skin grafts,
and struggles and scars and stares and fears
and pain and everything else we dealt with.
Why would you talk about something so bad?
It was all tragic.
And then almost two decades later,
my dad's Parkinson's disease progressed far enough along
that he was no longer able to work.
He slowed down.
He reflected, he prayed.
He determined that one of the things
that had changed his life more than anything else,
was the burns that his son received at age nine.
And so he and my mom wrote a book about it.
They printed 100 copies.
They have sold 85,000 copies,
which is pretty impressive
for a Ma and Pa selling out of the garage.
A man who can barely speak,
moving 85,000 copies of their story.
It is the unauthorized biography of John O'Leary's life.
It's a story of me.
But in reading that book, it changed me.
It changed the way I felt about my scars,
those on the inside of my body and those on the outside.
It changed the way I felt about my experiences.
And it changed the way I felt about what happened to me
because I had thought it always happened to me.
I was the victim here.
But in reading their words,
I recognize that this event happened to all of us.
Life never happens in a vacuum.
Love never happens in a vacuum.
What happens to one happens to all.
My sisters were burned as badly as I,
not physically, but they lost their parents for five months.
My brother, Jim, that day saw me in the front yard on fire.
He was burned as badly as I am,
not physically, but emotionally.
My mom and dad, the struggle of
not knowing each day if their son would be there
when they returned to the hospital.
What's that pain like?
And yet the community came around,
love showed up.
Grace showed up.
God showed up.
And it was enough.
It wasn't easy, but it was enough.
My mom and dad shared that with me in the book.
It changed my life.
It changed what I did for a living.
We'll talk about that here in a moment.
'Cause I recognize part of us are here to grow
in our professional journey, in our finances,
in our community impact.
It changed my life.
That's the power of love.
Huey Lewis was right!
That's the power of love.
That's the power of love, man.
Love has the ability to change lives.
Sometimes we need gratitude though,
to open our self up for it.
Just a few more before we turn into yours.
He said, "John, I'm grateful for the ability
to see, hear, learn, laugh, love, and live."
And then finally he said,
"John, I'm grateful for being healed, even if not cured."
He said, "I will likely die of Parkinson's disease
or something related to it.
But each and every day I wake up,
I look east, I watch the sunrise,
and I'm grateful for the gift that is my life.
I am," listen to these words, "I am in love,
even still, with my life.
I'm in love, even still, with my life."
My friends, every day of our lives,
as we wake up, we all look east,
we all watch that sunrise,
and we all ask the same question, why me?
But today, surrounded by like-minded leaders
who are trying to grow in love, grow in leadership,
growing impact in our communities, and in our personal walk,
we ask the question, why me,
not as victims to circumstances,
beat down by life, wrong!
As victors, rising above,
confident that our best days are in front of us,
that we are worthy,
and that we are enough.
So the very first question to you today is, why me?
And we answer with the statements, I am grateful for...
I am grateful for...
So I'll put this question on front of you,
so that you may answer it thoughtfully.
Wanna chat it in, feel free.
I am grateful for...
And as you make a list of things that you are grateful for,
I do ask that you add into it,
a name of someone you're grateful for.
For instance, I would write down the name, dad,
but I would also write down the name, mom.
That's her zooming in on you right now.
She's an amazing leader,
she's a phenomenal teacher,
and she taught a little boy with no fingers
that his life still had value.
I came home from the hospital on a Saturday morning.
I, although had a smile in that picture,
the reality is some disabilities are invisible,
as many of us know.
I think, as all of us know.
As all of us know.
Some of our greatest disabilities are invisible,
things that others can't see.
And one of mine was this belief
that my life had been robbed for me as soon as they cut,
as soon as they amputated my fingers.
I knew that my life had been removed.
And so I'm at home, smiles on my face,
but my future is gone.
My mother, recognizing that
I was kind of having a pity party,
kinda struggling a little bit,
and she was unable to get me out of it all by herself,
she called a friend.
Her friend was our piano teacher,
a woman named Mrs. Bartello.
Mrs. Bartello came to our house on a Tuesday.
My mother came into the kitchen.
I looked up at her and I said, "Mom, why is she here?"
I know she's not there for me, I can't play the piano.
I don't have fingers.
And not only that, I hated the piano,
even before I got burned.
Man, I'm a Midwest kid.
I don't like the piano.
I know she's not there for me though,
I'll never play again.
My mother walks into the kitchen a little farther,
unhooks the brakes in my wheelchair.
We could spend another 25 minutes just on that piece.
She liberates me from the chains that binded me to the past.
I think many of us need to be removed from those chains,
pshew, cut them!
Grab the key.
Be freed, be freed.
My mother removed that from me.
She took away that pity party just for a moment.
And sometimes a moment is enough.
She rolled me all the way out of the kitchen,
through the family room, into the front hall.
That's where my grandmother's great piano was.
She locked the brakes.
A woman named Mrs. Bartello put her arm around me,
and she said to me, "John, we're doing this together."
And with that,
she took a number two pencil out of her purse.
She took out two rubber bands.
She strapped them to my bandaged right hand,
and she said, "We're doing this together."
And we start taking piano class.
My left arm was out at my side,
my right hand was playing the piano.
I cannot wait for this doggone piano class to be over.
30 minutes after it began, it's finally over.
Thank you, Lord, it's done.
Oh I hated that.
And then one week later, the doorbell rang,
and Mrs. Bartello came back.
And then one week after that,
she came back again,
and then back again,
and then back again
for five months.
No, not for five months,
for five years,
teaching a little boy with no fingers how to play.
Being an inspiration.
Giving me a gift of vision.
A purpose of why, who cared?
She did, she cared.
So the first question is, why me?
The second question is, why do you care?
Why do you want to get better?
Why do you want better relationships?
Why do you want a better health?
Why do you want a better marriage?
Why do you want to be a better dad?
Better mom, better leader, better citizen,
better servant, better at forgiving.
Why, why?
I choose to thrive because...
So that's the question I want you to answer right now.
And if you want to chat it in, and feel free,
but I'd like you to chat in, answer in your heart,
wherever you want to answer right now,
I choose to thrive because...
It's the answer to the question of why you choose to care.
The first piece was gratitude.
The second part of that was, who are you grateful for?
And part of the answer, and when you see who it was,
you recognized what it was about them
that allowed them to set themselves apart,
to make a profound difference in your life.
They chose to care.
They knew why they were gonna thrive.
They knew why they were gonna sit down alongside of you,
tie a pencil to your hand and say,
I'm with you, you're not alone.
But you gotta believe.
You gotta fight, you gotta dream,
you gotta work with me.
I love you.
That's what they're saying to you.
I choose to thrive because...
So that's the answer I'd like you to determine right now.
It's what I would call an ignition statement for life.
Your mission statement for life.
And while you do so,
what we thought might be cool today
is to play the piano for you.
So I'm gonna load up a little video for you right now.
It's gonna be a little song on the piano,
I hope you enjoy it.
It's my mother's favorite song,
it's the first one that I learned how to play
after coming out of the hospital.
It's also the first one that was requested
that I play at a public event.
I'm a professional speaker.
And after nine or so years of doing this,
some lady had read that I do some piano playing.
So she said, well, will you play at my conference?
So I did, and they recorded it.
And so the very first time was in front
of 21,000 people at the MGM, I hope you like it.
(gentle piano music)
And it always starts slowly.
(gentle "Amazing Grace" piano strains)
If you haven't started taking notes,
take them now, baby.
(quickening "Amazing Grace" piano strains)
(audience cheering)
Whoo!
The crowd goes crazy!
I choose to thrive because, my friends,
I'm trying to walk you down a process
that will allow you to be deeply in love with your life,
with your work,
with your singleness,
with your marriage,
with your recovery,
with your possibility, with your past, with your future,
with your God, with your creator,
with the opportunity to work through
a very difficult set of circumstances,
whatever that might be for you.
We begin with gratitude.
I think that's where you start,
awareness of what you got.
If you don't have that as the first step,
I think everything else is gonna fall apart.
The second is clarity around why you will love
in the first place.
Why you will choose to thrive.
I choose to thrive because...
It is the answer to the question, who cares?
And for me, my statement for this is as follows.
This is your mission statement for life,
whatever you came up with on your own.
So here's mine.
I choose to thrive-
Feel free to steal this or to burn the piece of paper
you're taking notes on right now.
I choose to thrive because
God demands it.
My family deserves it,
and the world is starved for it.
Let's roll.
No excuses.
That's mine.
That's mine right there.
I choose to thrive in my marriage,
in my singleness,
through my mistakes, at work, in my professional journey,
with generosity, charitable giving, with my faith life,
with my kids, with my parents,
with a video right now with each of you.
I choose to thrive in spite of some struggles,
in spite of the headwind,
in spite of COVID and recessionary winds,
and divisiveness in our politics,
everything else going on around us.
I choose to thrive because God demands it.
My family deserves it.
The world is starved for it.
Let's roll,
no excuses,
no excuses.
What's yours?
What's your mission statement?
It's really, really significantly important
to have not only healthy relationships at home,
but I think profound success at work.
What's your mission statement?
It ought to work for us 24/7.
And the very final leg of the step is the question,
what more can I do?
What more can I do?
I wanted to read to you a quote
from one of my favorite authors, his name is C.S. Lewis,
and it's about love.
It's about love and it's about vulnerability.
And I think it's a perfect lead into the story
that I'm about to share,
ultimately about full acceptance, total acceptance.
So here is the quote from C.S. Lewis.
I think it fit in when he wrote it.
I think it fits in perfectly tonight, as you hear it.
Here we go.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything,
and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,
you must give it to no one, not even an animal.
Wrap it up carefully round
with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements;
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket,
safe,
dark,
motionless,
airless,
it will change.
It will change.
It will not be broken.
It will become unbreakable,
impenetrable,
irredeemable.
Because to love it all is to be vulnerable."
Oh that's so good.
Because to love at all is to be vulnerable.
I struggled a long time in my journey, being vulnerable,
being brave, being courageous.
Ultimately, what I'm saying to you is, being who I was.
That's love, being who you are called to be.
And then serving the ones in front of you
as authentically and as generously as possible.
Vulnerability and action.
I'm going to show you a couple of pictures
about the journey forward,
from my experience being burned at age nine,
and talk a little bit about
who taught me ultimately
about vulnerability, about acceptance, about love.
I won't make you listen to that song twice.
This was the picture of the can of gasoline
that blew up in my face when I was nine years old.
This was the explosion point in the garage.
It blew me back 20 feet, set my clothes and skin on fire.
And it changed this little boy's life forever.
One moment, I'm a happy, healthy, normal little fella.
And then, in the next,
and leaders, servants, my friends,
this picture will be hard to look at,
shut your eyes if you'd like,
shut your eyes or turn away.
I found myself on my back,
with burns on 100% of my body,
and I'm dying.
And I'm dying.
And from that moment forward,
I would find myself in the fight of my life
in an emergency room, that's where it began.
And then five months of darkness,
of struggles, of adversity,
of bandage changes, some physical therapy,
occupational therapy, counselors, psychologist,
dietary folks, chaplains,
coming in every day, seemingly 24 hours a day,
visiting this little boy.
And then even when I got out of the hospital,
two years of surgery and therapy remained physically.
That doesn't even begin to talk about the emotional pain,
the invisible disabilities
that were still part of the journey forward.
I struggled, I think, getting love from others,
because I struggled loving myself.
I struggled loving myself.
It was a two part solution to this, ultimately.
Number one, I stopped pursuing,
who ended up being my wife,
for what I might get out of that.
I pursued my beautiful wife, Beth, for three years.
And I pursued her for me,
because I wanted a girlfriend.
Eventually I wanted a wife.
Eventually I wanted someone to be the other half of me.
Because I didn't want to go to parties anymore by myself.
I wanted somebody to come home with.
Are you noticing what I'm saying here about love?
It was all 100% about what I would get out of it.
What I would get out of it.
This is frequently how we go about relationships.
It's frequently how we go about relationships
with our parents, our kids, our spouse,
our work, our country.
What do I get out of it, man?
What do I get out of it?
That's what I did for the majority of my life.
What do I get out of this thing?
And then at about age 24,
24,
I stopped trying to get anything out of it.
And I just started surrendering to it.
I started fully investing in myself.
I read a scripture verse where Jesus challenged us
to use however many talents we had,
in service to those around us, to better ourselves.
If you got five, use five.
You got three, use those three.
If you got one, you better not bury it, man.
You better use it for service.
I felt as a kid, I only had one talent.
But in reading that, it was convicting of me.
And I realized, well, even if it's only one, I gotta use it.
I gotta use it.
So I started using it to just pour myself into others,
and specifically at that age,
into this girl that I just loved.
But I started loving her, not for me.
I started loving her for her.
I started investing completely into her,
loving unconditionally, authentically,
not trying to get anything out of it.
And after years of being rejected,
something happened in our relationship.
My friend, for years, she said,
"John, I'll never date you
because you're like your brother to me.
So stop asking if I'll ever go on a date with you.
Stop asking."
That same girl asked me out.
She took me out to dinner,
and then over dinner, she took a big sip of wine,
and she said, "John, every time I'm with you,
I get butterflies in my stomach.
I'm not sure why, I wish they would fly away.
But I think I'm falling for you.
Will you date me?"
So I said, yes.
We dated for three years.
We've been married for 16 years.
Get that little picture off the screen,
go into this one.
She is an amazing lady who can see past scars.
That's the kind of heart she has.
That's the kind of vulnerability
and compassionate and courage that she has.
And she gave me this little boy,
who taught me the second leg of the stool.
That you must not only
unconditionally love the ones around you,
eventually you gotta choose to love yourself.
So my friends, as we get ready
to wrap up this time together,
as we ask the question one more time,
what more can I do?
What more can I do?
The lens is eventually gonna turn
from others, into yourself,
to be able to look into the mirror,
and love what you see,
and love what you see.
When my son Jack was three years old,
I was shaving in the mirror in the bathroom,
at a little bathroom upstairs.
He's next to me, he's looking up at me,
and he starts tracing one of the scars on my tummy,
from the neck all the way down to my belly button.
So he's tracking this scar,
it's this big thick red band of scars.
I hate it, when I see it.
It hurts, it tugs.
It's painful.
I'm not wild about it for many reasons.
And this little boy is tracking along it.
And then he looks up and he says, "Daddy, your tummy is red.
It is bumpy.
And it is ridgy.
It's so ridgy, daddy."
And then he goes, "And daddy,
I just love it.
I just love your red,
your bumpy,
your ridgy tummy."
And then he gave me a hug.
And I, as I hugged this little boy back
and set the razor down, realized
what unconditional love felt like.
I'd read about it.
I've seen it a couple of times.
But I'd never really fully accepted it for myself.
This gift of seeing life through the lens of a child
or in my faith view, through the lens of God,
the way God views you, leaders,
unconditional love, acceptance, all in.
That's an idea worth writing down at this summit.
Unconditional love ought to be
the ultimate goal of our lives.
We begin that journey toward it, I believe,
by saying, why me?
Dang, you're blessed.
Not perfect, not this side of eternity.
Why me though?
Fill in the blanks.
Then we asked the question, who cares?
I choose to thrive because...
That's your mission statement.
And then the third leg of the stool was,
what more can I do,
to ensure that tomorrow is even better than today?
Jack taught me that one.
And I think his love led to a whole bunch
of other beautiful pictures
that arrived into our life as well.
Jack, his brother, Patrick,
that little boy, Henry,
a girl named Grace,
a puppy dog named Emma May,
and their beautiful mom, Beth.
That's my story, I'm sticking to it.
I know my friends, we gotta wrap up here in a moment.
If you'd like to learn more about my journey,
more about our podcast,
we have a podcast that is downloaded
a couple of hundred thousand times a month.
It's a cool podcast about life and love
and leadership and overcoming.
You can find more at the Live Inspired
podcast with John O'Leary,
or you can simply go to my website, ReadInAwe.com.
ReadInAwe.com.
I might end with these words,
they were written 2,700 years ago
by the wisest man on Earth at the time,
and I think one of the wisest man to walk the Earth ever.
And he said this, "There is nothing new under the sun."
"There is nothing new under the sun."
We look around at COVID-19,
at the headlines of the day,
at the combativeness of our politics,
at the fires burning in some cities,
at the difficulties in our families,
at the diagnosis that you're concerned about receiving,
or you've recently received,
at all the crises blowing into your life right now,
and you're thinking, my gosh,
it's never, ever been so bad ever, ever!
And then you read in scripture,
"There's nothing new under the sun."
That's 2,700 years old.
So in spite of some challenges, what I believe,
that indeed there are challenges in our lives today,
that life is not perfect this side of eternity.
But there is reason for hope.
There is reason for joy.
There is reason for optimism.
There is a reason for forgiveness,
for acceptance, for confidence,
that our best days are in front of us.
And there is reasons to lean fully back into love,
fully back into love.
Right now we are in the midst of a mighty cancel culture
and many people on both sides of the aisle,
this is not a political statement, it's a statement of fact,
are trying to suggest that they are doing this out of love.
That's not love, that's fear.
That's wrapping something in a casket, in a coffin tightly,
and it's eventually gonna lead to something
that is a redeemable, lifeless, dead.
What we need then is to remove it from that casket,
to bring it into the light,
to have authentic honest conversations,
to recognize there is nothing new under the sun.
But quoting Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
who on his fourth and final inauguration,
in the midst of a world crisis, World War Two,
spoke these words,
if you draw a line,
if you draw a line, leaders,
between the course of peaks and the valleys
over the course of centuries,
if you're able to draw a line
between the course of the peaks and the valleys,
over the course of a century,
you will discover that that line points up and to the right.
Life is hard, it is not easy.
Relationships are hard, they are not easy.
Business is hard, it is not easy.
But it has never been better than today.
I know that's hard for us to sometimes accept,
but if you look at the trend lines,
both locally, nationally, globally,
these are difficult days.
And if we can be honest about them,
the foundation is firm,
and the best days are in front of us.
I believe in love.
I believe in God.
I believe in the truth that,
in spite of this headwind,
we've got this thing.
We know how this ends and it's worth fighting for.
So my friends, for this time and until next time,
Wayne and everybody else who invited me on,
thank you for the friendship,
thank you for the opportunity.
And thank you for allowing me
to be with your friends tonight.
I look forward to continuing the conversation.
You can learn more by visiting me
at ReadInAwe.com.
I'll see you soon.
(lively music)
♪ More than life, more than life ♪
♪ One individual, three letters, one syllable ♪