WEBVTT 00:12.113 --> 00:14.696 (upbeat music) 00:25.309 --> 00:28.070 Well, I wanna welcome everybody to our love ideas summit, 00:28.070 --> 00:31.090 and we're gonna be having our caregiver conversation. 00:31.090 --> 00:33.360 It's a great opportunity to spend time with people 00:33.360 --> 00:35.603 that are experts in the caregiving space, 00:36.471 --> 00:38.440 and that's a big issue that we're being impacted, 00:38.440 --> 00:40.920 especially during COVID, and so I wanna do, 00:40.920 --> 00:44.020 to invite you to be part of this conversation. 00:44.020 --> 00:47.730 And I wanna introduce our panelists. 00:47.730 --> 00:49.290 Of course myself as a Wayne Connell, 00:49.290 --> 00:51.870 I'm the founder of invisible disabilities, 00:51.870 --> 00:54.680 and I've been living this caregiving life 00:54.680 --> 00:58.570 for almost 26 years, myself personally, and professionally 00:58.570 --> 01:02.220 as the organization has been around almost 25 years. 01:02.220 --> 01:03.330 We have Amy Goyer, 01:03.330 --> 01:07.310 who is a AARP caregiving expert and columnist and an author. 01:07.310 --> 01:09.820 Gary Barg he's the founder and editor 01:09.820 --> 01:11.710 of Today's Caregiver magazine. 01:11.710 --> 01:14.950 And P.K. Beville, who is the founder of Second Wind Dreams 01:14.950 --> 01:16.920 and the Virtual Dementia Tour. 01:16.920 --> 01:19.150 So I wanted to kinda reach out to each of you. 01:19.150 --> 01:21.720 So Amy wants to share a little bit about your background 01:21.720 --> 01:24.630 and so people can get to know who you are. 01:24.630 --> 01:27.290 Well, I guess the most important thing is that I've been 01:27.290 --> 01:29.640 a family caregiver my entire adult life 01:29.640 --> 01:31.600 starting when I was about 20. 01:31.600 --> 01:35.000 My parents moved to Arizona from Ohio, 01:35.000 --> 01:38.420 where we lived and my grandparents were all in Indiana. 01:38.420 --> 01:40.760 And so my parents were further away. 01:40.760 --> 01:44.070 My mom's mom did pretty well, but, and we had, 01:44.070 --> 01:45.060 I had cousins there. 01:45.060 --> 01:47.380 I was sort of the respite person for her, 01:47.380 --> 01:50.140 but my dad's parents, and my grandmother had Alzheimer's 01:50.140 --> 01:52.500 and we, my dad was an only child. 01:52.500 --> 01:55.360 So I spent a lot of time, long distance caregiving 01:55.360 --> 01:58.640 for them in my twenties and early thirties, 01:58.640 --> 01:59.860 driving six and a half hours. 01:59.860 --> 02:01.720 Y'all know how that is. 02:01.720 --> 02:04.730 Then my mom had a stroke when she was only 63. 02:04.730 --> 02:07.570 And then over years after that, 02:07.570 --> 02:09.060 my dad developed Alzheimer's. 02:09.060 --> 02:12.600 So I moved to Washington DC to work with AARP, 02:12.600 --> 02:13.930 and I was traveling back and forth 02:13.930 --> 02:16.770 and about almost 11 years ago now, 02:16.770 --> 02:20.320 I moved out here to Arizona where I am now to take care 02:20.320 --> 02:22.470 of my parents because they both ended up 02:22.470 --> 02:25.030 needing 24 hour care. 02:25.030 --> 02:26.940 They lived in senior community for three years, 02:26.940 --> 02:28.160 and then they moved in with me 02:28.160 --> 02:30.180 and my mom passed away a year later. 02:30.180 --> 02:33.240 And my dad stayed with me six more years here in the home. 02:33.240 --> 02:35.630 He passed away just two years ago. 02:35.630 --> 02:38.620 So I've had a lot of varying roles, as we all know, 02:38.620 --> 02:41.170 there's a whole continuum of roles for caregivers. 02:41.170 --> 02:42.460 I've also worked in the field. 02:42.460 --> 02:45.310 I have a degree in music therapy and I started out working 02:45.310 --> 02:47.220 in adult daycare centers and nursing homes. 02:47.220 --> 02:49.300 And I worked for the Ohio Department of Aging, 02:49.300 --> 02:50.720 worked for AARP full time, 02:50.720 --> 02:52.310 And then when I needed that flexibility, 02:52.310 --> 02:54.153 I became an independent consultant. 02:55.080 --> 02:56.370 Great. 02:56.370 --> 02:59.110 So P.K. tell us about your journey. 02:59.110 --> 03:01.760 Well, first of all, thank you for, including me. 03:01.760 --> 03:04.520 I feel like I've just gotten moved to the head of the class 03:04.520 --> 03:08.120 by being amongst, such as being colleagues. 03:08.120 --> 03:13.120 And my, I started serving geriatrics in 1983. 03:13.830 --> 03:18.817 Back when chemical restraints, physical restraints, noise, 03:19.830 --> 03:22.380 the smells were all over the place. 03:22.380 --> 03:26.610 And I came to it, 03:26.610 --> 03:30.830 I think in retrospect, at 67 years, 03:30.830 --> 03:33.960 I came to it because I had polio as a child 03:33.960 --> 03:36.530 and was paralyzed from my neck down. 03:36.530 --> 03:39.790 And I know what it feels like to be ostracized. 03:39.790 --> 03:43.210 I know what, how people look at you. 03:43.210 --> 03:47.030 I get it, which is how I created the Virtual Dementia Tour, 03:47.030 --> 03:51.810 because I felt like we as caregivers really can't understand 03:51.810 --> 03:54.020 where our loved ones are coming from, 03:54.020 --> 03:56.980 unless we've taken an opportunity to at least immerse 03:56.980 --> 04:01.350 ourselves somewhat in their lifestyle, in their shoes. 04:01.350 --> 04:06.350 So my work then after working in longterm care, 04:07.900 --> 04:12.021 was used to do a psych assessment, 04:12.021 --> 04:15.750 and it was the geriatric incomplete sentences test. 04:15.750 --> 04:17.880 And I would ask the question, 04:17.880 --> 04:20.253 finish this sentence with the way you feel. 04:21.110 --> 04:22.570 I wish. 04:22.570 --> 04:26.470 And the residents were saying some incredible things. 04:26.470 --> 04:28.840 I wish I could go for a ride. 04:28.840 --> 04:32.110 I wish I could go to the grave site of my wife. 04:32.110 --> 04:34.250 I wish I could have a steak dinner 04:34.250 --> 04:36.920 and that just blew me away. 04:36.920 --> 04:40.770 Now I'm a little short on the intellect and it took me a few 04:40.770 --> 04:45.280 years to finally realize that these are dreams for them. 04:45.280 --> 04:46.590 For them that's a dream. 04:46.590 --> 04:50.130 So I founded Second Wind Dreams in '97, 04:50.130 --> 04:53.250 created the Virtual Dementia Tour as part of my doctoral 04:53.250 --> 04:58.250 dissertation in 2002, and have just enjoyed every single 04:59.510 --> 05:03.773 minute of it in my new emeritus CEO position. 05:05.200 --> 05:07.720 Well thank you so much that's amazing. 05:07.720 --> 05:08.981 So Beville, 05:08.981 --> 05:11.390 You're definitely should be here on this panel, 05:11.390 --> 05:12.752 I can tell you that. 05:12.752 --> 05:13.840 I don't know about that. 05:13.840 --> 05:16.040 Amy, I was also gonna say I too. 05:16.040 --> 05:18.810 I am the caregiver for my father. 05:18.810 --> 05:20.110 He's 93. 05:20.110 --> 05:21.490 He lives with us. 05:21.490 --> 05:25.920 He has vascular dementia and you're you're right. 05:25.920 --> 05:28.210 You can take all the classes you want to, 05:28.210 --> 05:31.060 but until you've done this by the seat of your pants, 05:31.060 --> 05:36.060 it's really hard to articulate what needs to happen. 05:36.320 --> 05:37.810 Yeah, I understand right. 05:37.810 --> 05:40.463 So Gary, tell us a bit about you. 05:41.840 --> 05:43.240 I'm Gary Barg. 05:43.240 --> 05:46.463 Founder and editor in chief of Today's Caregiver magazine. 05:47.450 --> 05:51.860 Author of three books on family caregiving as well, 05:51.860 --> 05:54.710 the latest one being "You Are Not Alone" 05:54.710 --> 05:58.380 which is about caregiving in the time of COVID. 05:58.380 --> 06:01.903 One of the things that we do is also, 06:03.800 --> 06:08.060 these Fearless Caregiver Conferences that we host in local 06:08.060 --> 06:09.830 communities around the country. 06:09.830 --> 06:14.200 And since 1998, we've hosted 287 of them. 06:14.200 --> 06:15.033 Wow. 06:15.033 --> 06:17.670 Unfortunately this year we've had to postpone 06:17.670 --> 06:21.210 about six of them, but now we're taking everything virtual. 06:21.210 --> 06:24.163 So in the fall, we'll have a lot of different virtual, 06:25.510 --> 06:27.480 regional, Fearless Caregiver Conference, 06:27.480 --> 06:28.760 which should be fun. 06:28.760 --> 06:30.230 But one of the things I love the most 06:30.230 --> 06:32.010 about the Fearless Caregiver Conference 06:32.010 --> 06:36.610 was the advice, the wisdom, the support, the tips, 06:36.610 --> 06:38.920 the techniques that other caregivers 06:38.920 --> 06:40.470 have learned from their fellow caregivers. 06:40.470 --> 06:43.990 Because we always hold the events in one room with 06:43.990 --> 06:46.930 the experts being the caregivers, as well as the panelists, 06:46.930 --> 06:48.670 the doctors, the lawyers, 06:48.670 --> 06:51.700 the executive directors of our agency organizations. 06:51.700 --> 06:54.930 But it's always the family caregiver who raises their hand 06:54.930 --> 06:57.930 and says, "Here's how I figured this out." 06:57.930 --> 07:02.320 That always has that piece of the puzzle that 50 of the 300 07:02.320 --> 07:05.570 caregivers in the room have been desperately seeking. 07:05.570 --> 07:09.890 So what we did was in the, "You Are Not Alone" book 07:10.770 --> 07:15.450 we put together those tips over the last 20 years. 07:15.450 --> 07:17.680 The advice, the support, 07:17.680 --> 07:22.680 how a caregiver in New Haven 15 years ago told us 07:22.800 --> 07:26.440 how she got her loved one to easily accept home care. 07:26.440 --> 07:29.680 And we've shared that with family carriers over 07:29.680 --> 07:30.750 the years at these events. 07:30.750 --> 07:33.100 So, since that was missing, 07:33.100 --> 07:36.070 we put all that in the book, and now we, 07:36.070 --> 07:40.350 hopefully caregivers can have the kind of communication 07:40.350 --> 07:42.460 and the kind of shared wisdom that they have 07:42.460 --> 07:47.163 at the live events sitting in their living room easy chair. 07:48.200 --> 07:52.770 My caregiving started in 1990. 07:52.770 --> 07:56.930 My dad retired and developed a bone marrow cancer. 07:56.930 --> 08:01.150 And mom became, chief caregiver, 08:03.480 --> 08:05.020 everything that goes with that. 08:05.020 --> 08:09.060 And immediately from being the fifth year of spouse, 08:09.060 --> 08:10.970 love of life, business partner. 08:10.970 --> 08:13.270 And I was living this, 08:13.270 --> 08:15.650 I were in South Florida and I was living in Atlanta getting 08:15.650 --> 08:19.770 set up to do work for the 96 Olympics, doing some videos. 08:19.770 --> 08:22.840 And so I'd try to come in once every six weeks 08:22.840 --> 08:24.950 or so for a weekend. 08:24.950 --> 08:27.750 But you really can't tell you really never know what's going 08:27.750 --> 08:29.470 on unless you're living through it. 08:29.470 --> 08:32.740 So the summer of 94, 08:32.740 --> 08:34.887 I heard in her voice a crack, I just heard something. 08:34.887 --> 08:37.710 And I said, I gotta go figure something out, 08:37.710 --> 08:41.250 go in for two weeks, I have some time help her out, 08:41.250 --> 08:44.083 make some decisions and come back to my life in Atlanta. 08:45.020 --> 08:46.880 Well the next time I went to Atlanta was 08:46.880 --> 08:48.470 hosting a Fearless Caregiver Conference 08:48.470 --> 08:51.200 because those two weeks were the most 08:51.200 --> 08:56.200 painful dreadful, night and day life 08:56.470 --> 08:58.760 and death decision spiral, 08:58.760 --> 09:00.280 that I was living through with mom. 09:00.280 --> 09:01.700 And right before I left, 09:01.700 --> 09:05.110 I told her innocently, 09:05.110 --> 09:07.100 I can't believe that I came in these two weeks, 09:07.100 --> 09:09.020 look at what you were going through. 09:09.020 --> 09:11.840 And she was dumbfounded because what was the worst 09:11.840 --> 09:13.690 two weeks of my life was a normal two weeks 09:13.690 --> 09:15.700 in the life of the caregiver. 09:15.700 --> 09:19.120 So I came back to Florida and be a come a caregiver's 09:19.120 --> 09:21.400 caregiver to help her as much as I can. 09:21.400 --> 09:25.720 We started today's caregiver magazine and then caregiver.com 09:25.720 --> 09:27.700 and then the conferences in the books. 09:27.700 --> 09:32.220 And the reason I bring this up is because my caregivings 09:33.270 --> 09:36.330 caregiving, was always in support of mom. 09:36.330 --> 09:39.200 I always call myself a serial caregiver. 09:39.200 --> 09:42.090 And so she was direct care with my dad, direct caregiver, 09:42.090 --> 09:45.233 my grandparent father direct care with my grandmother. 09:46.330 --> 09:51.330 And she was also, she's written in the magazine. 09:51.490 --> 09:53.580 She comes to the conferences. 09:53.580 --> 09:55.180 People just love having her there 09:55.180 --> 09:58.040 she'll talk to caregivers forever. 09:58.040 --> 09:59.683 And in June she had a stroke. 10:00.570 --> 10:03.410 So now my sister, my brother and I, 10:03.410 --> 10:07.850 are doing around the clock care, caring for her. 10:07.850 --> 10:11.290 It's a direct caregiving as opposed to being a caregiver 10:12.410 --> 10:13.830 in support of her. 10:13.830 --> 10:18.830 And, the PK and Amy said is absolutely right. 10:18.951 --> 10:23.250 This is the toughest, most loving job you'll ever take on. 10:23.250 --> 10:25.790 And I, I've always respected 10:25.790 --> 10:28.160 and admired and adored caregivers. 10:28.160 --> 10:30.060 But never more than now that I'm doing 10:30.060 --> 10:32.320 it full time around the clock. 10:32.320 --> 10:33.713 Well, I can tell ya. 10:35.210 --> 10:37.090 When I met my wife in 1992, 10:37.090 --> 10:40.040 she was already diagnosed with primary progressive MS, 10:40.040 --> 10:41.430 and in the same year Lyme disease. 10:41.430 --> 10:43.217 So we got married, we thought, 10:43.217 --> 10:44.970 "Oh, this is gonna be just a little journey 10:44.970 --> 10:46.930 and it's gonna be gone and over with and stuff. 10:46.930 --> 10:49.210 And, here we are almost 26 years later. 10:49.210 --> 10:52.140 And even though I signed up for it, 10:52.140 --> 10:55.060 we didn't know what that really meant signing up for, 10:55.060 --> 10:57.000 being a full time caregiver, absolutely. 10:57.000 --> 10:59.320 So, but what's amazing is, everybody that's 10:59.320 --> 11:03.510 on this caregiver conversation has really taken 11:03.510 --> 11:06.280 what they've learned personally and use it to help others. 11:06.280 --> 11:09.290 Cause you find out that it's not just about ourselves, 11:09.290 --> 11:10.710 that maybe as you mentioned, 11:10.710 --> 11:12.760 the tips and the tricks and those things 11:12.760 --> 11:14.290 can have an impact on the other people. 11:14.290 --> 11:16.590 And that's what we wanna do is to provide that. 11:16.590 --> 11:18.790 So I wanna jump into a few questions here. 11:18.790 --> 11:21.800 And any of you can take the, this question, 11:21.800 --> 11:23.570 it's the impact of social distancing 11:23.570 --> 11:25.290 on the caregiver relationship, right? 11:25.290 --> 11:26.940 I mean, we're in the middle of a pandemic. 11:26.940 --> 11:29.520 How is that impacting that caregiver relationship 11:29.520 --> 11:31.583 either personally or professionally? 11:34.160 --> 11:35.180 I'll jump in and start, 11:35.180 --> 11:38.947 and then you guys can jump in as well. 11:38.947 --> 11:40.880 One of the biggest things that I'm seeing 11:40.880 --> 11:43.960 is the relationship with the person they're caring for. 11:43.960 --> 11:46.080 A lot of it depends on where that person is. 11:46.080 --> 11:47.610 So if they're to have a loved one living 11:47.610 --> 11:49.780 in a nursing facility or an assisted living, 11:49.780 --> 11:52.120 or even independent living where they have 11:52.120 --> 11:53.786 not been able to visit it. 11:53.786 --> 11:58.320 It is impacting that relationship it's impacting how 11:58.320 --> 12:01.040 they can advocate for their loved ones. 12:01.040 --> 12:04.330 It's impacting everything about the personal caregiving 12:04.330 --> 12:08.610 experience because so many of them are experiencing grief, 12:08.610 --> 12:10.030 feelings of helplessness. 12:10.030 --> 12:12.450 I mean it's hard enough to advocate for someone 12:12.450 --> 12:17.240 who's in a facility and now you can't even go in there 12:17.240 --> 12:19.100 and see what they're doing and making sure 12:19.100 --> 12:20.180 they're getting care. 12:20.180 --> 12:22.540 And also just taking care of those social needs 12:22.540 --> 12:26.080 of their loved ones and that closeness. 12:26.080 --> 12:29.040 Because many people aren't able to get on a video chat 12:29.040 --> 12:30.660 device, or maybe some facilities, 12:30.660 --> 12:35.280 aren't helping with solving that conversation on video chat. 12:35.280 --> 12:38.590 So I think that's one aspect and then the other aspect 12:38.590 --> 12:40.830 is if you're caring for someone at home, 12:40.830 --> 12:44.370 you are really there with them. 12:44.370 --> 12:45.730 There's no breaks. 12:45.730 --> 12:46.980 There's no getting away. 12:46.980 --> 12:49.820 I can remember when my dad was living with me, 12:49.820 --> 12:53.070 and I did the weekends by myself and then I had helped 12:53.070 --> 12:55.400 during the week so that I could work. 12:55.400 --> 12:58.140 And my Monday morning when I went to work, 12:58.140 --> 12:59.420 it was kind of a relief. 12:59.420 --> 13:00.890 I mean that was my respite. 13:00.890 --> 13:02.540 Work was my respite. 13:02.540 --> 13:04.260 And now they can't, they're not getting that. 13:04.260 --> 13:05.890 They're not getting anything that many of them 13:05.890 --> 13:07.550 are not going to the grocery store even. 13:07.550 --> 13:10.820 So you're just so in it all the time, 13:10.820 --> 13:13.960 and that relationship is challenged. 13:13.960 --> 13:14.793 Any relationship. 13:14.793 --> 13:17.350 We're all kinda stuck with people right now. 13:17.350 --> 13:21.040 And any relationship is challenged when you don't get breaks 13:21.040 --> 13:23.140 and you don't have your usual coping mechanisms 13:23.140 --> 13:24.470 and your weight, all of that. 13:24.470 --> 13:28.460 So a lot of people's relationship with the person they care 13:28.460 --> 13:31.690 for is really, high-strung right now. 13:31.690 --> 13:33.880 Well I think about also the impact of COVID, right. 13:33.880 --> 13:36.360 I mean, I know my wife has extremely high risk, right? 13:36.360 --> 13:39.480 So I'm limiting my abilities to go out 13:39.480 --> 13:41.570 and I do have to go to the grocery store, right. 13:41.570 --> 13:44.530 Or pick up a food at restaurants to go and those things, 13:44.530 --> 13:46.930 but having to take her to a doctor's appointment 13:46.930 --> 13:49.020 and I had to take her to one RESA and they're all day 13:49.020 --> 13:51.720 appointments or the, Ivy treatments and things like that. 13:51.720 --> 13:53.007 And she pointed out, she was like, 13:53.007 --> 13:55.310 "you're getting a break for me." 13:55.310 --> 13:56.420 I mean, that's part of it right? 13:56.420 --> 13:57.980 And it's true because, 13:57.980 --> 14:02.740 I'm working from home and they say and so it's, 14:02.740 --> 14:05.280 you're constantly in that contact and you, 14:05.280 --> 14:07.650 that respite, which we all know caregivers 14:07.650 --> 14:09.360 need dramatically that ability. 14:09.360 --> 14:12.560 But because now we're so isolated in a lot of sense, 14:12.560 --> 14:13.860 we're not getting that respite. 14:13.860 --> 14:16.070 And sometimes, how do we, 14:16.070 --> 14:18.950 what do we need to find out to make a difference right? 14:18.950 --> 14:21.990 Even if it's a conversation with somebody on the phone 14:21.990 --> 14:24.350 that gives you a break from something else, 14:24.350 --> 14:25.440 or going for a walk. 14:25.440 --> 14:26.830 I love to walk out I'm in the country 14:26.830 --> 14:30.443 and I'll go for a walk, just to get away. 14:31.620 --> 14:32.770 You're bringing up something 14:32.770 --> 14:35.390 that I find interesting with families 14:35.390 --> 14:37.433 and being one family caregiver, 14:38.350 --> 14:42.510 we just don't do a very good job of reaching out 14:42.510 --> 14:44.430 to other people for help. 14:44.430 --> 14:46.060 Even during COVID. 14:46.060 --> 14:51.060 To me if, they have on a mask they've been, COVID free, 14:51.120 --> 14:55.750 and dad's obviously at very high risk. 14:55.750 --> 14:58.740 I have lupus I'm at pretty high risk too, 14:58.740 --> 15:02.930 but asking people to help us is something 15:02.930 --> 15:05.750 our families just are not doing. 15:05.750 --> 15:08.410 And haven't, that's been the case. 15:08.410 --> 15:11.350 That's why some of this has been such the great, 15:11.350 --> 15:14.490 horrible secret from people. 15:14.490 --> 15:16.970 The stuff that we're dealing with is because 15:16.970 --> 15:19.040 we haven't been vocal. 15:19.040 --> 15:21.370 Heck yeah, can can't a neighbor, 15:21.370 --> 15:24.640 go pick up the groceries and leave them at the door. 15:24.640 --> 15:26.213 And when they do, 15:27.500 --> 15:31.070 thank them and have a mask to mask six foot, 15:31.070 --> 15:32.940 distance conversation. 15:32.940 --> 15:36.320 We're just not taking advantage of what we need to, 15:36.320 --> 15:39.850 and I will raise my hands and say, I'm just as guilty. 15:39.850 --> 15:43.363 I finally asked my brother to come help who, 15:44.400 --> 15:48.630 he's physically able to do that, but COVID was the excuse. 15:48.630 --> 15:51.700 And we had to get down and dirty with each other. 15:51.700 --> 15:55.880 What bumps I'm in here doing the laundry and taking him 15:55.880 --> 16:00.140 to the telecom telehealth things, which by the way, 16:00.140 --> 16:04.023 my other point I wanted to throw in here is dementia. 16:05.010 --> 16:07.070 Throw on top of all of this, 16:07.070 --> 16:10.320 those people who are living with dementia, Amy, 16:10.320 --> 16:13.410 as you were talking about the longterm care environment, 16:13.410 --> 16:17.200 the preponderance of the elders and people in there 16:17.200 --> 16:20.350 are living with dementia of some type. 16:20.350 --> 16:24.460 So let's, we have to kind of take a step back 16:24.460 --> 16:27.460 and imagine what this looks like for them. 16:27.460 --> 16:31.720 Now, 5.9 million people right now, who are in one 16:31.720 --> 16:34.630 of the situations Amy was talking about, 16:34.630 --> 16:38.420 And we've yet to take much time to look at this entire 16:38.420 --> 16:41.010 situation from their perspective. 16:41.010 --> 16:42.900 What do the masks look like? 16:42.900 --> 16:47.850 What does the PPP PPP look like? 16:47.850 --> 16:48.850 No E. 16:48.850 --> 16:52.600 What does a person approaching you with a mask on 16:52.600 --> 16:56.650 to ask you to do something, what does that look like? 16:56.650 --> 16:59.490 That we have to really pass some of that out so 16:59.490 --> 17:04.490 that we can make it at least somewhat positive 17:07.170 --> 17:10.573 for the person with dementia and a very scary situation. 17:13.670 --> 17:17.880 I believe that we're living in a new, normal. 17:17.880 --> 17:19.170 Again, she coined the phrase, 17:19.170 --> 17:24.060 the new normal, talking about once you step into caregiving, 17:24.060 --> 17:27.330 well, caregiving and COVID is a new new normal. 17:27.330 --> 17:28.810 You put that on top of everything. 17:28.810 --> 17:33.370 And isolation is the killer and normal times for family 17:33.370 --> 17:35.330 caregivers and for a loved one. 17:35.330 --> 17:37.530 So now we're enhancing that. 17:37.530 --> 17:41.853 And I think, PK was talking about tele-health, 17:42.800 --> 17:47.230 we've been doing a lot of news. 17:47.230 --> 17:50.230 Well, where we do a weekly news letter at Caregiver.com 17:50.230 --> 17:51.580 that people could sign up for. 17:51.580 --> 17:56.120 We don't do a lot of hands on tips about living 17:56.120 --> 17:58.040 in the times of COVID. 17:58.040 --> 18:00.400 How you communicate with your loved one, 18:00.400 --> 18:04.170 how do you the best on results from a telehealth meeting? 18:04.170 --> 18:06.880 Because there are risks and challenges there about 18:06.880 --> 18:09.240 what the doctors can and can pick up and what, 18:11.250 --> 18:15.560 I believe that the in person meetings are always better, 18:15.560 --> 18:18.880 but we have to do what we have to do. 18:18.880 --> 18:23.150 And the stress that comes from being alone, 18:23.150 --> 18:24.600 another thing PK was talking about 18:24.600 --> 18:26.570 was getting people to help. 18:26.570 --> 18:28.700 We have something on Caregiver.com, 18:28.700 --> 18:30.610 we call the reverse gift list. 18:30.610 --> 18:32.760 We've had that all four years, 18:32.760 --> 18:36.480 but we've updated it for coping and exactly that. 18:36.480 --> 18:39.763 What are the bite-size easy manageable tasks that, 18:41.100 --> 18:43.520 for you, you have to do 20 of them a day, 18:43.520 --> 18:46.820 but if you can pass it out and say to your neighbor, 18:46.820 --> 18:49.530 next time you go to the supermarket, here's a little list, 18:49.530 --> 18:52.420 and maybe, you can get something free. 18:52.420 --> 18:53.970 Next time you go to the drugstore, 18:53.970 --> 18:56.691 here's a little list not overwhelming. 18:56.691 --> 18:59.730 Your relatives wanna come by and do something, 18:59.730 --> 19:01.440 sure, let them cook once a week 19:01.440 --> 19:03.010 and bring the food to the door. 19:03.010 --> 19:06.550 Or if you feel safe about having them come in, 19:06.550 --> 19:11.290 and having them all massed and PPE it up, maybe you are, 19:11.290 --> 19:12.880 you're lover would love to see them. 19:12.880 --> 19:17.350 My mom adores her, obviously we're great grandkids. 19:17.350 --> 19:22.120 And so we try to get them on FaceTime with her 19:22.120 --> 19:24.580 at least three, four, five times a week. 19:24.580 --> 19:27.640 And it parkles her up and it seems 19:27.640 --> 19:29.550 to clarify things for her. 19:29.550 --> 19:34.550 So the challenge that we have as caregivers and in regular 19:35.160 --> 19:39.670 times with isolation has now been, exacerbated. 19:39.670 --> 19:42.930 And it's something that we have to look at and deal with. 19:42.930 --> 19:45.620 And if our loved ones living in a facility, 19:45.620 --> 19:46.810 how to work with that facility, 19:46.810 --> 19:50.060 maybe somebody in the facility is gonna be nice 19:50.060 --> 19:53.550 and let you use their unit, their phone to FaceTime, 19:53.550 --> 19:54.740 with your loved one. 19:54.740 --> 19:59.520 There are obviously telechats and telehealths 19:59.520 --> 20:03.773 that you can do, or if you're at home with your loved one, 20:04.610 --> 20:07.590 you can get some help, you get some family members in 20:07.590 --> 20:10.543 and just make sure they see other faces. 20:11.770 --> 20:14.290 It's just really important to pay attention 20:14.290 --> 20:19.290 to how intense a challenge this isolation is now 20:20.310 --> 20:23.390 that we're all sheltering in place. 20:23.390 --> 20:26.400 And you mentioned that we were talking about 20:26.400 --> 20:27.520 not being able to get out. 20:27.520 --> 20:29.930 One of the things that I'm hearing the most from caregivers 20:29.930 --> 20:33.090 is if they were members of an in person support group, 20:33.090 --> 20:35.740 that was their primary support, 20:35.740 --> 20:38.850 and that just huge part of their caregiving experience. 20:38.850 --> 20:40.860 And now they're not meeting in person. 20:40.860 --> 20:44.890 And a lot of them have started doing virtual things, 20:44.890 --> 20:48.500 phone calls, conference calls, video chat, zooms, 20:48.500 --> 20:50.380 but some of them have not. 20:50.380 --> 20:53.950 And so, I moderate AARP Facebook 20:53.950 --> 20:55.710 Family Caregivers Discussion Group. 20:55.710 --> 20:56.850 And we've got about, 20:56.850 --> 20:59.700 I think about 3,500 people in there right now. 20:59.700 --> 21:00.680 It's growing fast. 21:00.680 --> 21:02.760 We've only been in existence for a year. 21:02.760 --> 21:05.100 And with COVID it's just boomed. 21:05.100 --> 21:07.070 Because everybody needs that support 21:07.070 --> 21:10.680 and going online as one way to do it. 21:10.680 --> 21:14.440 And they exactly, Gary, I still agree, 21:14.440 --> 21:17.490 the isolation is, we know it's bad for our health. 21:17.490 --> 21:19.510 It's the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes 21:19.510 --> 21:21.190 a day to our health. 21:21.190 --> 21:23.900 So, that goes back to your question, 21:23.900 --> 21:28.883 what about, how is this affecting caregiver's health? 21:30.542 --> 21:33.500 It, we don't even know yet the full extent 21:33.500 --> 21:35.160 of what this pandemic is going to do 21:35.160 --> 21:36.720 to people over the long term. 21:36.720 --> 21:37.553 Right. 21:37.553 --> 21:39.850 In fact, I think about that with the stress myself. 21:39.850 --> 21:41.680 And I think about, 21:41.680 --> 21:45.290 I'm stressed about going out stress about now not going out, 21:45.290 --> 21:47.490 there's all these things that are impacting, 21:48.520 --> 21:51.000 Oh yeah, you said you haven't been around anybody, 21:51.000 --> 21:53.050 but I'm not so sure right? 21:53.050 --> 21:55.280 It's and so, I mean, 21:55.280 --> 21:56.650 it was interesting cause I was talking with, 21:56.650 --> 22:00.730 my boss from, I do it as a volunteer, 22:00.730 --> 22:02.503 and my day job and I, 22:03.520 --> 22:05.240 I was talking to my boss and he's like, 22:05.240 --> 22:07.440 so you really don't go anywhere, do you? 22:07.440 --> 22:08.910 And I said, no, I really haven't. 22:08.910 --> 22:11.250 I mean, I had to go to the dentist the other day 22:11.250 --> 22:13.900 and it was like, I need to know everything, right. 22:13.900 --> 22:16.450 Because I don't wanna take any chances whatsoever. 22:16.450 --> 22:18.320 And so, but I know it's impacting my health. 22:18.320 --> 22:21.010 I mean, my stress level has been through the roof. 22:21.010 --> 22:22.970 but, and you talk about isolation. 22:22.970 --> 22:26.490 I think isolation is the real, killer, 22:26.490 --> 22:28.260 in this whole thing for everybody is, 22:28.260 --> 22:30.050 and part of that isolation, 22:30.050 --> 22:32.720 is that we forget when we're not a caregiver, 22:32.720 --> 22:35.760 how important that touch is, and I would say, 22:35.760 --> 22:36.720 we have forgotten the, 22:36.720 --> 22:40.440 I know we talked about zoom and we talk about online, Oh, 22:40.440 --> 22:42.990 I got have 500 Facebook friends or something like that. 22:42.990 --> 22:44.250 Like, well, that's not, 22:44.250 --> 22:47.290 it doesn't really help relationship wise per se. 22:47.290 --> 22:50.240 But I think we forgot the old fashioned telephone 22:50.240 --> 22:53.540 really to hear somebody's voice, just to call up and say, 22:53.540 --> 22:58.523 I'm thinking about you, I'm thinking about your loved one, 22:59.443 --> 23:02.440 and it's not, you what are you doing, 23:02.440 --> 23:03.950 what are you not doing. 23:03.950 --> 23:06.840 To where it's this, how can I solve the issue? 23:06.840 --> 23:08.700 Because in most cases they're not gonna solve it. 23:08.700 --> 23:11.210 I mean, they're not gonna solve dementia or depression 23:11.210 --> 23:12.630 or whatever on their phone call, 23:12.630 --> 23:14.270 but what they're gonna solve is, is like, 23:14.270 --> 23:16.830 I care about you, can I do anything. 23:16.830 --> 23:18.410 You mentioned earlier about going to the store. 23:18.410 --> 23:21.300 This is something we talk about invisible disabilities. 23:21.300 --> 23:22.610 Hey, I'm already going to the store, 23:22.610 --> 23:23.910 can I pick you something up, right. 23:23.910 --> 23:28.440 It's that, or I'm gonna call you every Tuesday 23:28.440 --> 23:30.290 for 15 minutes and I'm just gonna say, 23:30.290 --> 23:33.350 can I pray with you, can I find out what's going on, 23:33.350 --> 23:35.910 can I just give you an encouraging word, 23:35.910 --> 23:38.910 not I'm gonna fix what you're going through, 23:38.910 --> 23:40.600 and I'm gonna want you to be positive 23:40.600 --> 23:41.883 about everything that's going on. 23:41.883 --> 23:44.370 It's like, well, it's not about that. 23:44.370 --> 23:46.110 It's not about being positive. 23:46.110 --> 23:51.080 It's going through difficult times and talking about it is 23:51.080 --> 23:53.510 actually nice if people will listen, right? 23:53.510 --> 23:54.990 The problem is they don't wanna listen right. 23:54.990 --> 23:56.210 And I always say well, 23:56.210 --> 23:58.380 the reason why the person who wants to keep telling you 23:58.380 --> 23:59.400 is because you're not listening. 23:59.400 --> 24:02.460 If you listen to 'em and validate the difficulties they're 24:02.460 --> 24:04.040 going through, then they don't wanna talk about anymore. 24:04.040 --> 24:06.210 They really wanna talk about what's going on in the world. 24:06.210 --> 24:07.910 What's going on, you know, in the neighborhood. 24:07.910 --> 24:10.616 What's, that's a big thing we've joined. 24:10.616 --> 24:11.920 There's a thing called next door, 24:11.920 --> 24:14.460 which is this online thing for your neighborhood. 24:14.460 --> 24:15.293 Wow. 24:15.293 --> 24:16.810 That has been amazing during this time. 24:16.810 --> 24:19.090 People say I've got toilet paper extra, 24:19.090 --> 24:20.610 does anybody need that? 24:20.610 --> 24:23.670 Those things that are helpful, but they don't know. 24:23.670 --> 24:26.350 As we mentioned earlier, they don't know that you need help. 24:26.350 --> 24:28.640 They don't know that maybe you just need a break 24:28.640 --> 24:31.640 for five minutes or an hour just to say, 24:31.640 --> 24:34.970 Hey, can you just be available on foam while I run into town 24:34.970 --> 24:36.680 in case something does happen where 24:36.680 --> 24:37.540 they can reach out to you, 24:37.540 --> 24:39.340 cause I know you can get there faster than I can. 24:39.340 --> 24:42.380 So I think it's fantastic. 24:42.380 --> 24:46.180 I'm a little concerned about the isolation. 24:46.180 --> 24:49.570 The by-product of isolation is fear. 24:49.570 --> 24:54.110 And I'm concerned that once this is over with, 24:54.110 --> 24:58.117 we're gonna have a tough time getting our elderly 24:59.330 --> 25:03.530 counterparts to go back out again. 25:03.530 --> 25:08.530 I'm already having difficulty, even with dad who is, 25:09.870 --> 25:12.670 some days are good and some days are bad 25:12.670 --> 25:13.900 going out for a walk. 25:13.900 --> 25:17.470 He's afraid that he might catch something. 25:17.470 --> 25:20.770 And when people are isolated, 25:20.770 --> 25:25.070 they have a tendency to expound in their mind, 25:25.070 --> 25:27.540 what is actually going on. 25:27.540 --> 25:32.540 And that then can turn into a true, almost paranoia. 25:34.880 --> 25:39.870 And so as far as thinking about what this is going to do 25:39.870 --> 25:42.650 or what some of the by-products are, 25:42.650 --> 25:44.730 I'm very concerned about that. 25:44.730 --> 25:48.800 Almost creating a PTSD kind of thing 25:48.800 --> 25:50.290 with our elders, don't you? 25:50.290 --> 25:51.590 Oh, absolutely. 25:51.590 --> 25:52.920 I absolutely agree. 25:52.920 --> 25:55.320 I think everyone, not just our elders. 25:55.320 --> 25:57.150 It has a level of PTSD from this. 25:57.150 --> 26:00.250 This has been a traumatic experience and we are not done. 26:00.250 --> 26:01.245 No. 26:01.245 --> 26:02.460 And I agree with you. 26:02.460 --> 26:05.410 I think there's so many people who are, 26:05.410 --> 26:07.900 my nephew has anxiety and depression 26:07.900 --> 26:11.610 and he had difficulty going out of the home before this, 26:11.610 --> 26:14.160 and now it's just magnified. 26:14.160 --> 26:16.470 And I think he's gonna have a rough time, 26:16.470 --> 26:18.230 once this is over. 26:18.230 --> 26:19.673 I'm trying to go out more. 26:20.590 --> 26:21.423 Yeah well, 26:21.423 --> 26:23.260 this is gonna be the tough part about this is, 26:23.260 --> 26:26.133 is really helping people understand that, 26:27.220 --> 26:28.660 from an invisible disability standpoint, 26:28.660 --> 26:29.820 people always ask what that is. 26:29.820 --> 26:31.620 It's really the invisible nature of illness. 26:31.620 --> 26:34.790 And now all of a sudden, okay COVID, that's invisible. 26:34.790 --> 26:38.850 Anxiety, fear, depression, isolation, 26:38.850 --> 26:40.840 all these things are happening to us. 26:40.840 --> 26:42.870 And what I think we're gonna part of it, 26:42.870 --> 26:44.410 we're gonna be soon to forget is 26:44.410 --> 26:47.980 that these people that are isolated at home. 26:47.980 --> 26:49.670 We're all feeling what they're feeling right now. 26:49.670 --> 26:51.220 So we're kinda getting that, 26:51.220 --> 26:53.460 it's kind of like the virtual dimension that you're talking 26:53.460 --> 26:56.390 about PK it's like, we're all feeling it. 26:56.390 --> 26:58.900 We're all kind of getting the idea of what it means to be 26:58.900 --> 27:01.280 isolated and in fear and alone. 27:01.280 --> 27:06.280 What my fear is that we walk away from this and we forget. 27:06.450 --> 27:09.250 And those people that are now all of a sudden, 27:09.250 --> 27:11.760 and there might be more of them as we're talking about this 27:11.760 --> 27:14.410 now after this who are either impacted from a health 27:14.410 --> 27:18.570 standpoint of the actual illness itself, getting COVID. 27:18.570 --> 27:20.490 And they came out of it and survived, 27:20.490 --> 27:24.940 or the, all the aspects of the relationship impacts, 27:24.940 --> 27:25.860 which is why we're having 27:25.860 --> 27:27.980 this whole relationship summit right? 27:27.980 --> 27:30.450 That impact is gonna be dramatic. 27:30.450 --> 27:31.800 Everybody at first thought, Oh, great. 27:31.800 --> 27:33.600 We get to spend time with all our families. 27:33.600 --> 27:35.550 We get to see our kids and everybody, next thing, 27:35.550 --> 27:36.383 was like, Oh my goodness, 27:36.383 --> 27:38.790 we're stuck with him for how many months right? 27:38.790 --> 27:40.360 And that whole aspect. 27:40.360 --> 27:42.300 But we wanna make sure that when we come out of this 27:42.300 --> 27:44.430 and I wanna hear this from each of you guys, 27:44.430 --> 27:48.700 what your organizations and your thought process as we move 27:48.700 --> 27:51.130 from, as we start getting through this, 27:51.130 --> 27:52.540 and we start moving to some 27:52.540 --> 27:55.140 that new normal Gary's talking about, 27:55.140 --> 27:57.850 what are you guys doing in his own organization as people 27:57.850 --> 27:59.360 to say, how are we gonna do this 27:59.360 --> 28:01.020 so we don't forget those people. 28:01.020 --> 28:03.530 We don't forget the caregivers now that all of a sudden 28:03.530 --> 28:05.960 weren't caregivers before, in some sense 28:05.960 --> 28:07.393 that's happening too right. 28:08.290 --> 28:10.980 Those or the people that are now still isolated 28:10.980 --> 28:13.350 because of the fear as PK was talking about, 28:13.350 --> 28:16.200 it's a lot longer time to figure out, 28:16.200 --> 28:17.450 cause I'm even wrestling with that, 28:17.450 --> 28:19.340 When am I gonna feel okay. 28:19.340 --> 28:22.220 That's okay for me to spend more time out. 28:22.220 --> 28:24.780 Good news is my day jobs allowing me to work 28:24.780 --> 28:26.390 from home right now. 28:26.390 --> 28:27.223 But there's, 28:27.223 --> 28:29.010 they have people in the office there's gonna be a time 28:29.010 --> 28:31.800 where it's like, "Hey, we need everybody to go back." Right. 28:31.800 --> 28:33.920 So how's that impact is gonna help. 28:33.920 --> 28:37.020 So you guys wanna tackle that one about what are you doing 28:37.020 --> 28:41.930 as an organization and thinking about after this? 28:43.630 --> 28:45.960 I think that's such an interesting point 28:45.960 --> 28:49.920 because on one hand, the way that my brother sister and I 28:49.920 --> 28:54.920 can actually have the 24 hour, oversight of my mom is that, 28:58.360 --> 29:01.410 my sisters can work from home now as opposed to going to an 29:01.410 --> 29:05.240 office and my brother and I have different, schedules. 29:05.240 --> 29:07.530 So we've able to package that. 29:07.530 --> 29:10.330 But you know, once that changes, 29:10.330 --> 29:12.140 we have to be ready for that change. 29:12.140 --> 29:17.140 Where do you pick up that coverage that you are able to do 29:17.140 --> 29:18.823 because you're sitting at home? 29:20.350 --> 29:24.560 I really believe that as we manage our loved ones, 29:24.560 --> 29:28.400 medications and manage their therapeutic protocols 29:28.400 --> 29:30.610 and their appointments and their doctor's appointments. 29:30.610 --> 29:35.530 We also have to make sure that we have a weekly schedule 29:35.530 --> 29:37.650 for social interaction. 29:37.650 --> 29:39.780 Like I said, with my mom, 29:39.780 --> 29:43.740 we don't miss three or four times a week getting her up 29:43.740 --> 29:47.010 with her great grandkids or another three or four times 29:47.010 --> 29:51.170 a week, getting up with her granddaughter who lives away 29:51.170 --> 29:54.580 or having friends interact with her. 29:54.580 --> 29:58.680 So, because you could let that go by if you're dealing with 29:58.680 --> 30:02.570 the stress and the pain and the isolation and the intensity 30:02.570 --> 30:04.935 of caregiving, when you, especially when, 30:04.935 --> 30:09.007 you're sheltering in place, that is a medication protocol. 30:10.470 --> 30:13.730 I think that is extremely important, 30:13.730 --> 30:16.880 making sure that we stay, 30:16.880 --> 30:20.810 however we can virtually telephonically short visits, 30:20.810 --> 30:23.720 connected with the rest of the world as much as we can. 30:23.720 --> 30:28.070 And that's gonna help when we transitioned back into, 30:28.070 --> 30:29.560 I wouldn't say normal times, 30:29.560 --> 30:33.760 but more regular times and more regular, regular schedules, 30:33.760 --> 30:36.830 as opposed to just one moment where shelter in place, 30:36.830 --> 30:38.810 next moment, everything is, is open, 30:38.810 --> 30:41.990 and you have to make decisions from there. 30:41.990 --> 30:46.220 I think you're exactly right when you have to start now 30:46.220 --> 30:49.340 figuring out what your next steps are, 30:49.340 --> 30:53.390 as things possibly open up as people are now being asked 30:53.390 --> 30:55.060 to go back to work. 30:55.060 --> 30:58.110 And that's part of what we do with Today's Caregiver 30:58.110 --> 31:01.850 magazine with the Caregiver.com and we're doing what 31:01.850 --> 31:06.750 the virtual conferences is making sure those conversations 31:06.750 --> 31:11.750 on that advice, that support stays in the forefront. 31:11.920 --> 31:14.720 We just did a where we're in the middle of doing a series 31:14.720 --> 31:17.560 called caregiver conversations, 31:17.560 --> 31:20.250 video interviews with experts. 31:20.250 --> 31:23.970 We, the first one we had Lance Robertson. 31:23.970 --> 31:25.883 The second one, we had Grace Whiting, 31:26.720 --> 31:31.320 and at the same time take clips of the advice that we got 31:31.320 --> 31:35.530 from family caregivers in the conferences over the years. 31:35.530 --> 31:40.530 Cause we always videotape them and also offer them advice 31:41.630 --> 31:44.450 and support and tools that they they would know about. 31:44.450 --> 31:48.270 So these are like 15 minute video tapes that we've been 31:48.270 --> 31:52.000 putting out weekly for the last handful of weeks. 31:52.000 --> 31:56.360 Just to keep the connection just that people don't say, 31:56.360 --> 31:57.750 where is everybody? 31:57.750 --> 32:01.270 I don't, I'm now lost, I'm now isolated. 32:01.270 --> 32:03.530 I'm now just caregiving, I can't get out. 32:03.530 --> 32:05.660 There's no social groups, 32:05.660 --> 32:08.020 there's no senior centers just now. 32:08.020 --> 32:12.410 We have to do a weekend as caring organizations 32:12.410 --> 32:16.270 to make sure that we keep those connections 32:16.270 --> 32:19.790 as tenuous as they are being mostly, 32:19.790 --> 32:24.380 in video or webinars or zoom chats or telephonically, 32:24.380 --> 32:27.650 we have to make sure we plan that those connections 32:27.650 --> 32:31.150 are made multiple times every week. 32:31.150 --> 32:35.253 Because that's, breaking the isolation, 32:36.871 --> 32:40.133 is a key element of keep our loved ones as safe, 32:41.653 --> 32:43.343 and cognizant as they can be. 32:44.680 --> 32:45.720 Great. 32:45.720 --> 32:49.790 I'll just jump in, AARP really pivoted 32:49.790 --> 32:52.840 and through resources and creativity 32:52.840 --> 32:56.100 into addressing the pandemic and has created 32:56.100 --> 32:57.870 a lot of great resources. 32:57.870 --> 33:00.040 You can go to aarp.org/coronavirus 33:00.040 --> 33:01.940 and kinda find everything there. 33:01.940 --> 33:04.550 But one of the really amazing things that they did 33:04.550 --> 33:07.603 was create a site called aarpcommunityconnections.org 33:10.470 --> 33:14.650 And if you go there, it's a listing of mutual aid groups. 33:14.650 --> 33:17.850 So these are people and many of them did not 33:17.850 --> 33:19.180 exist before the pandemic. 33:19.180 --> 33:21.350 And there are people who in their neighborhoods and in their 33:21.350 --> 33:25.497 communities decided to band together and help each other. 33:25.497 --> 33:28.130 And so it's a listing of these groups 33:28.130 --> 33:30.670 and some advice about how to start one, 33:30.670 --> 33:33.170 the things they offer so that you can go in there 33:33.170 --> 33:34.090 and say, yeah, 33:34.090 --> 33:36.650 I don't know a neighbor who can go to the grocery store 33:36.650 --> 33:38.150 for me, but maybe there's a volunteer 33:38.150 --> 33:39.870 who'd be willing to do that. 33:39.870 --> 33:43.920 So that I'm sure will continue at post pandemic. 33:43.920 --> 33:46.363 And I think it's gonna be needed a long time. 33:47.230 --> 33:50.630 One of the really great parts of that AARP Community 33:50.630 --> 33:52.440 Connections is a program 33:52.440 --> 33:55.010 they created called friendly voices. 33:55.010 --> 33:56.860 And it's a friendly phone call. 33:56.860 --> 33:59.810 So you can sign your loved one up for a phone call. 33:59.810 --> 34:02.870 You can sign yourself up for a phone call 34:02.870 --> 34:04.370 and volunteers are trained 34:04.370 --> 34:07.130 and they just give you a friendly call. 34:07.130 --> 34:11.900 And it's people, we've had a huge response with volunteers 34:11.900 --> 34:15.730 wanting to make the calls and so many people, 34:15.730 --> 34:17.700 the isolation, it really has helped. 34:17.700 --> 34:20.350 Again, that's another program I'm quite sure is going 34:20.350 --> 34:24.030 to continue post pandemic, because it's needed anyway. 34:24.030 --> 34:27.820 It's needed for people who are isolated and stuck at home, 34:27.820 --> 34:31.600 and in older adults who live alone and that sort of thing, 34:31.600 --> 34:33.030 those I think are really great. 34:33.030 --> 34:36.750 The other thing is, what is post pandemic? 34:36.750 --> 34:38.260 Is that really six years from now? 34:38.260 --> 34:39.570 Like what is that? 34:39.570 --> 34:41.070 We're gonna come to a point where hopefully 34:41.070 --> 34:42.870 we'll have a vaccine and things will die down, 34:42.870 --> 34:45.970 but it's not gonna be gone for quite a while. 34:45.970 --> 34:49.080 So AARP can, we'll continue to have resources, 34:49.080 --> 34:53.190 like we have a tracking tool so that you can check in every 34:53.190 --> 34:55.800 state what the COVID cases are. 34:55.800 --> 34:58.350 What the COVID cases in nursing homes are, 34:58.350 --> 35:01.330 that are being reported they're not all reporting. 35:01.330 --> 35:02.900 And then things like, 35:02.900 --> 35:06.000 what are the current visitation laws in every state? 35:06.000 --> 35:08.340 So you can, we have state maps, you click on that. 35:08.340 --> 35:10.750 You can find all of that information. 35:10.750 --> 35:12.800 And I think those are gonna be continue 35:12.800 --> 35:14.160 to be useful to people. 35:14.160 --> 35:15.540 And they're gonna need to continue 35:15.540 --> 35:16.953 to have those resources. 35:18.077 --> 35:22.560 And AARP really tries to create online content and videos 35:22.560 --> 35:25.750 and tools that are in practical ways, 35:25.750 --> 35:28.350 gonna help people through this. 35:28.350 --> 35:31.410 One of the things that I've done a lot of talking about, 35:31.410 --> 35:33.680 and I wrote a column for AARP is about how 35:33.680 --> 35:35.830 to keep your loved ones engaged at home. 35:35.830 --> 35:37.840 Like you've run out of ideas, right? 35:37.840 --> 35:39.690 Like the things that you may be were doing, 35:39.690 --> 35:41.100 taking them to the art museum, 35:41.100 --> 35:42.900 doing different things you can't do. 35:42.900 --> 35:45.170 So there's online virtual tours, 35:45.170 --> 35:47.070 there's online experiences where somebody 35:47.070 --> 35:48.500 teaches you something. 35:48.500 --> 35:52.310 You can look at nature pictures, you can play games. 35:52.310 --> 35:53.950 You can, there's just so much you can do. 35:53.950 --> 35:57.290 So AARP is really trying to feed that information. 35:57.290 --> 36:01.390 We have videos, exercise videos that caregivers can do 36:01.390 --> 36:03.470 for themselves to take care of themselves 36:03.470 --> 36:05.780 as well as with their loved ones. 36:05.780 --> 36:08.580 So just trying to kind of wrap around the caregiver 36:08.580 --> 36:12.570 and on our older members there, their whole, 36:12.570 --> 36:13.860 every aspect of their life, 36:13.860 --> 36:17.200 because the pandemic is affecting every aspect of our lives. 36:17.200 --> 36:18.220 Thank you for that Amy, 36:18.220 --> 36:21.710 because we're talking a lot and sharing with caregivers 36:21.710 --> 36:26.710 a lot about what this post pandemic world would look like. 36:27.330 --> 36:29.480 Is telehealth is gonna be the norm. 36:29.480 --> 36:30.590 Is that a good thing? 36:30.590 --> 36:32.750 Should you go to your doctor's office as opposed 36:32.750 --> 36:37.750 to have somebody sit across from you, and be there live. 36:39.382 --> 36:44.382 Are we creating a whole different moral coming out of this? 36:44.460 --> 36:48.050 Or are we relatively speaking going back to the same thing? 36:48.050 --> 36:50.400 And I don't have the answer for that, 36:50.400 --> 36:54.290 but I've seen your tools on AARP dealing with this issue, 36:54.290 --> 36:55.770 and I think they're terrific. 36:55.770 --> 36:58.630 Yeah, we have, there's a whole section on telehealth now. 36:58.630 --> 37:00.660 And I know AARP is advocating, 37:00.660 --> 37:03.173 for that to be able to continue post pandemic, 37:03.173 --> 37:06.750 because it is so helpful to so many family caregivers. 37:06.750 --> 37:09.970 And I really am a big fan of mobile doctors 37:09.970 --> 37:10.803 and mobile healthcare. 37:10.803 --> 37:13.630 I had all the doctors coming to the house for my parents 37:13.630 --> 37:17.230 and they got x-rays and swallow tests and ultrasounds 37:17.230 --> 37:19.330 and EKG and everything at home. 37:19.330 --> 37:21.440 And a lot of people don't even know that's available. 37:21.440 --> 37:23.240 So that's another thing we're trying 37:24.353 --> 37:25.590 to let people know about. 37:25.590 --> 37:26.423 Yeah and that's one of the things 37:26.423 --> 37:28.420 that invisible disabilities that we're really trying to do 37:28.420 --> 37:30.723 is we're not trying to create the, 37:31.850 --> 37:33.090 what you guys are doing already. 37:33.090 --> 37:34.790 We wanna showcase what you're doing, right? 37:34.790 --> 37:36.210 We have a thing called programs for people, 37:36.210 --> 37:39.060 and it really is about, we wanna come alongside 37:39.060 --> 37:41.210 all these great organizations say, look, what's out there, 37:41.210 --> 37:42.780 look at these amazing things and point people 37:42.780 --> 37:46.218 to it so that they can get those great resources. 37:46.218 --> 37:49.413 What we're doing is a little bit different. 37:50.900 --> 37:54.670 I think people wanna help deal with care, 37:54.670 --> 37:59.230 help with caregiving and help with people's basic need 37:59.230 --> 38:00.650 is to help others. 38:00.650 --> 38:02.560 So when I found in Second Wind Dreams, 38:02.560 --> 38:06.230 that's one of the principles I founded it on was knowing 38:06.230 --> 38:08.840 that we could make dreams come true, 38:08.840 --> 38:12.830 but it really would take the people around our elders 38:12.830 --> 38:14.900 to make that happen. 38:14.900 --> 38:19.110 So, and turns out people really do wanna help with that. 38:19.110 --> 38:23.690 So our time has been spent finding more ways 38:23.690 --> 38:27.900 for our volunteers to stay engaged with our elders. 38:27.900 --> 38:29.820 So we have cards of light, 38:29.820 --> 38:32.960 which is continuing to go on and will continue after 38:32.960 --> 38:36.160 the pandemic where volunteers create cards. 38:36.160 --> 38:39.150 We give them a list of the nursing homes to send them to 38:39.150 --> 38:43.130 in packs of 25, the nursing homes so appreciated, 38:43.130 --> 38:45.540 assisted living home health as well. 38:45.540 --> 38:47.290 And hospice. 38:47.290 --> 38:49.360 So cards of light has been huge. 38:49.360 --> 38:52.360 Also for the Virtual Dementia Tour. 38:52.360 --> 38:56.570 We have developed since empathic person centered care 38:56.570 --> 39:00.450 is a big deal to us and walking in the shoes of other people 39:00.450 --> 39:03.960 in order to really understand where they're coming from. 39:03.960 --> 39:08.960 We developed a series of simulations of visual imagery, 39:10.560 --> 39:13.970 that allows a person to kind of go through 39:13.970 --> 39:15.390 what it feels like. 39:15.390 --> 39:18.170 Like I mentioned earlier, when someone approaches you with 39:18.170 --> 39:20.850 a mask on and asked you to do something, 39:20.850 --> 39:23.300 what that feels like, what that looks like. 39:23.300 --> 39:26.833 And so we have a package of those out there as well. 39:28.200 --> 39:31.040 In addition to that, we've written a number of articles 39:31.040 --> 39:34.320 that are on our websites, aarp.org 39:34.320 --> 39:37.580 about COVID-19 and telehealth with regards 39:37.580 --> 39:40.250 to dementia specifically. 39:40.250 --> 39:42.940 Telehealth is a little harder for people with dementia. 39:42.940 --> 39:46.030 They don't understand what all that means and what 39:46.030 --> 39:49.740 those pictures are about and why they can't be where 39:49.740 --> 39:51.790 they're supposed to be to talk the doctor. 39:51.790 --> 39:55.840 In fact, I've heard of some family members having trouble 39:55.840 --> 39:59.260 with their loved ones during tele-health because they don't 39:59.260 --> 40:01.230 believe it's really the doctor. 40:01.230 --> 40:04.280 And so they won't engage at all. 40:04.280 --> 40:08.440 So there is that piece, that's, that's extremely difficult. 40:08.440 --> 40:11.070 So we've written a number of articles on how to deal with 40:11.070 --> 40:14.530 that and how to make it as comfortable as possible, 40:14.530 --> 40:16.460 in this difficult time. 40:16.460 --> 40:19.580 And I'm not a very good prognosticator. 40:19.580 --> 40:23.090 I'm a kinda ready fire aim kind of girl. 40:23.090 --> 40:26.400 And I do feel like though, 40:26.400 --> 40:30.290 what we're dealing with right now will continue. 40:30.290 --> 40:34.860 I have every thing that people want to do better. 40:34.860 --> 40:39.583 People want the idea of being able to pitch in and help. 40:39.583 --> 40:43.470 They just haven't known how, so we're continuing to make 40:43.470 --> 40:48.340 dreams come true in all of the environments that we have. 40:48.340 --> 40:50.510 We find out what the dream is. 40:50.510 --> 40:54.020 We cut the check instead of having the volunteers go in, 40:54.020 --> 40:57.280 or the volunteers bring the donations to the nursing home 40:57.280 --> 40:59.340 or assisted living or home health. 40:59.340 --> 41:01.473 And they make a big party out of it. 41:02.650 --> 41:05.440 I think for a Second Wind Dreams, 41:05.440 --> 41:06.980 this is just the beginning. 41:06.980 --> 41:08.330 I think for the first time, 41:08.330 --> 41:12.090 people are starting to realize that dreams are important 41:12.090 --> 41:14.798 and dreams for elders, 41:14.798 --> 41:17.710 doesn't look like dreams for you and me. 41:17.710 --> 41:21.220 A dream may be as simple as a new belt 41:21.220 --> 41:22.920 because their pants are falling down. 41:22.920 --> 41:24.440 They can't go get the belt. 41:24.440 --> 41:26.440 They don't have the money for the belt 41:26.440 --> 41:28.660 and nobody's gonna bring it to them. 41:28.660 --> 41:30.380 All of a sudden that's a dream. 41:30.380 --> 41:34.130 So I think the pandemic, if anything, may help us shed 41:34.130 --> 41:37.830 more light into what that really looks like. 41:37.830 --> 41:39.500 No, I really appreciate that PK. 41:39.500 --> 41:41.360 I think about the people that actually 41:41.360 --> 41:43.520 come to our organization. 41:43.520 --> 41:46.245 It's actually 85 of the people that come 41:46.245 --> 41:49.400 to our organization are women 35 to 55. 41:49.400 --> 41:52.370 And it's a very interesting group of people that, 41:52.370 --> 41:54.190 a lot of them were career oriented. 41:54.190 --> 41:57.950 They have college degrees, they they're raised families. 41:57.950 --> 42:00.400 And then all of a sudden illness struck them in this, 42:00.400 --> 42:02.680 strength of their life, in their thirties. 42:02.680 --> 42:05.930 And so I think the, the idea of the wishes, 42:05.930 --> 42:06.763 but you're right. 42:06.763 --> 42:09.560 Little things make a huge impact in people's lives. 42:09.560 --> 42:10.393 And when we talk about that, 42:10.393 --> 42:12.900 even with things like accommodations for businesses, right? 42:12.900 --> 42:13.772 It's always something that's, 42:13.772 --> 42:15.430 it doesn't cost them a lot to do, 42:15.430 --> 42:17.620 but it's something simple to do to make a difference 42:17.620 --> 42:18.710 in somebody's life. 42:18.710 --> 42:21.490 And so I wanna, we're gonna wanna kinda wrap up 42:21.490 --> 42:22.540 this conversation everyone. 42:22.540 --> 42:24.570 I want each of you just kind of share. 42:24.570 --> 42:27.980 Give us one or two things that the people are listening 42:27.980 --> 42:32.300 to this can do, that is gonna have that impact, 42:32.300 --> 42:36.450 that's gonna, make maybe a change in as one or two things, 42:36.450 --> 42:38.700 I wanna think about one them as a caregiver. 42:38.700 --> 42:40.940 So what would that one thing they could do as a caregiver 42:40.940 --> 42:42.420 and what would the one thing they can do 42:42.420 --> 42:44.210 for the person they're caring for right? 42:44.210 --> 42:47.293 So whoever wants to jump in and do that would be great. 42:48.670 --> 42:49.790 Well, to me, 42:49.790 --> 42:53.760 I think the one thing that can be done right now is for us 42:53.760 --> 42:56.783 to develop flex that empathy muscle, 42:57.780 --> 43:02.780 when I'm having a tough time with dad or a colleague or all 43:02.890 --> 43:05.610 the issues we have here at work and people coming back 43:05.610 --> 43:08.950 to work, I have to step back and look at things from their 43:08.950 --> 43:11.360 perspective for just to be. 43:11.360 --> 43:12.610 Where are they coming from? 43:12.610 --> 43:14.557 Why is this hard for them? 43:14.557 --> 43:16.730 Why did dad yell at me this morning? 43:16.730 --> 43:18.840 Could it have been because blah, blah, blah. 43:18.840 --> 43:23.670 Once I can put on that empathy muscle and really flex in it 43:23.670 --> 43:25.860 and look at him from that perspective, 43:25.860 --> 43:28.240 as well as other people, 43:28.240 --> 43:31.150 even in our social climate right now. 43:31.150 --> 43:35.820 Empathy would sure go a long way to being able to take care 43:35.820 --> 43:40.523 of some issues, and I sure hope that doesn't go away. 43:42.450 --> 43:43.283 Great. 43:43.283 --> 43:45.116 What did you do for some, what would you say to the person 43:45.116 --> 43:45.970 who is being that you can do 43:45.970 --> 43:47.620 for the person you're caring for? 43:49.300 --> 43:50.530 Being empathetic. 43:50.530 --> 43:51.920 Okay, great. 43:51.920 --> 43:53.960 It works both ways awesome. 43:53.960 --> 43:54.810 It really does. 43:57.748 --> 43:59.183 If I, I'll just jump in. 44:00.760 --> 44:03.750 We always tell caregivers to be the CEO of caring 44:03.750 --> 44:05.030 for the loved one eight. 44:05.030 --> 44:07.520 You're in charge, I mean, for me now, 44:07.520 --> 44:11.750 with mom having so many different doctors 44:11.750 --> 44:14.390 that this one changes this medication, 44:14.390 --> 44:16.160 that one changed that medication on 44:16.160 --> 44:18.430 the actually every time something changes, 44:18.430 --> 44:21.710 I'm putting a new form together and sending all the doctors 44:21.710 --> 44:23.960 who are going, "Oh, I didn't know that." 44:23.960 --> 44:26.310 So you have to be the CEO of caring 44:26.310 --> 44:27.270 for your loved one eight. 44:27.270 --> 44:30.060 But also I think that goes very well 44:30.060 --> 44:35.060 with PK's empathy conversation. 44:35.230 --> 44:40.230 It's you have to find a way to not be so totally responsive 44:41.030 --> 44:43.870 to what you love one does that triggers you. 44:43.870 --> 44:47.540 Because you are a CEO, you are manager is managing 44:47.540 --> 44:50.640 this incredible organization of the most important 44:50.640 --> 44:52.160 organization over manage the one, 44:52.160 --> 44:54.840 keeping your loved one safe and well. 44:54.840 --> 44:59.840 You have to make sure that you understand the intensity 45:00.200 --> 45:02.380 of the family dynamics that happen 45:02.380 --> 45:05.360 when we're all locked in together. 45:05.360 --> 45:07.840 I always say if somebody said something to you in an 45:07.840 --> 45:12.430 elevator that you wouldn't even think twice about, 45:12.430 --> 45:14.540 but if it's something that, 45:14.540 --> 45:16.060 your dad or your mom said to you, 45:16.060 --> 45:19.290 that triggered you, your head explodes. 45:19.290 --> 45:23.200 You have to make sure that you have that emotional distance, 45:23.200 --> 45:26.780 that you are understanding that this is a job and you 45:26.780 --> 45:28.880 are dealing with a challenging situation. 45:28.880 --> 45:31.530 And you're all in this trying to make it work as, 45:31.530 --> 45:32.620 as well as you can. 45:32.620 --> 45:36.670 And also many times you can even tell your loved one with 45:36.670 --> 45:39.800 cognitive challenges that hurt me. 45:39.800 --> 45:43.800 When you said that that was something I didn't appreciate, 45:43.800 --> 45:45.580 And here's why. 45:45.580 --> 45:48.730 So instead of keeping that from them, 45:48.730 --> 45:50.240 I think it's important too, 45:50.240 --> 45:52.080 to just share your feelings as well. 45:52.080 --> 45:56.280 And we've found that to be something that works. 45:56.280 --> 45:57.240 No, that's fantastic. 45:57.240 --> 45:58.320 So, but you're right. 45:58.320 --> 46:02.090 It's the understanding that the listening, 46:02.090 --> 46:04.590 this is a time for us to be the most gracious, 46:04.590 --> 46:05.900 which is the hardest thing, right? 46:05.900 --> 46:07.750 Because we really want you're right. 46:07.750 --> 46:10.420 You're spending time now with people that, 46:10.420 --> 46:12.350 I mean, like an inordinate amount of time, 46:12.350 --> 46:14.280 even as a caregiver, you may have not spent 46:14.280 --> 46:15.710 so much time with somebody, right? 46:15.710 --> 46:18.440 So more and more time, but to really be gracious, 46:18.440 --> 46:21.620 and remember that the stress is impacting everybody, 46:21.620 --> 46:23.380 the anxiety is impacting everybody. 46:23.380 --> 46:27.380 So whatever they're saying or doing to step back and say, 46:27.380 --> 46:32.380 okay, it probably is tainted by all those things right now. 46:33.140 --> 46:33.973 Right? 46:33.973 --> 46:36.220 And despite the people that say, Oh, I got this, 46:36.220 --> 46:37.053 this is easy. 46:37.053 --> 46:37.886 I got it. 46:37.886 --> 46:38.780 No problem, it doesn't bother me. 46:38.780 --> 46:39.613 It does. 46:39.613 --> 46:42.450 I mean, you, can't, we're at a point in our, in society, 46:42.450 --> 46:45.210 in the world right now where anxiety is part 46:45.210 --> 46:46.520 of what we're dealing with, so. 46:46.520 --> 46:48.690 We need to somewhat not embrace it, 46:48.690 --> 46:50.730 but understand that it's part of what we're going through. 46:50.730 --> 46:52.580 So Amy. 46:52.580 --> 46:53.413 You know, 46:53.413 --> 46:55.350 I think I've always encouraged caregivers 46:55.350 --> 46:57.170 to think about taking care of themselves 46:57.170 --> 46:59.850 as not being selfish, just being practical. 46:59.850 --> 47:03.020 And now in spades and during, during COVID-19, 47:03.020 --> 47:04.160 it's even more so. 47:04.160 --> 47:07.560 When I was a care giving and most intensively for my parents 47:07.560 --> 47:10.980 and my sister who lived across the country at the same time, 47:10.980 --> 47:13.490 I learned to look at it like my car, 47:13.490 --> 47:14.920 my car can't run on empty. 47:14.920 --> 47:17.910 And I had this "aha" moment when I filled my 47:17.910 --> 47:19.530 almost empty car up with gas. 47:19.530 --> 47:20.570 And then as I pulled away, 47:20.570 --> 47:22.120 I thought the car actually runs better 47:22.120 --> 47:23.820 on a full tank of gas. 47:23.820 --> 47:25.090 Well, "duh" right. 47:25.090 --> 47:27.940 So I started thinking about ways to fill my tank 47:27.940 --> 47:30.210 and that's the way I look at self care. 47:30.210 --> 47:32.700 And there's a variety of ways to do that. 47:32.700 --> 47:35.970 And now during COVID-19, we have to be even more creative. 47:35.970 --> 47:39.330 Some of the things that filled my tank, I can't do now. 47:39.330 --> 47:43.120 And so I to find other ways to do that. 47:43.120 --> 47:46.130 But look at it as a very self, very practical thing. 47:46.130 --> 47:48.470 It's not selfish to take care of ourselves. 47:48.470 --> 47:51.290 You've got to keep putting fuel in so that you have 47:51.290 --> 47:53.830 something to give and nurture your soul. 47:53.830 --> 47:56.910 And so that you have that emotionally and spiritually 47:56.910 --> 47:59.560 and the ability to give to others. 47:59.560 --> 48:03.240 So I would say, really reach out to other people, 48:03.240 --> 48:07.440 connect with other caregivers, be creative about, 48:07.440 --> 48:10.670 really focusing on even the very little things like making 48:10.670 --> 48:13.740 a good cup of coffee and how that fills you up and be very 48:13.740 --> 48:17.200 consciously and intentionally aware of that. 48:17.200 --> 48:19.360 For those who are caring for. 48:19.360 --> 48:21.090 You wanted to know, 48:21.090 --> 48:23.470 I think one of the most important things right now is to 48:23.470 --> 48:28.090 understand that grief is a big part of this whole pandemic. 48:28.090 --> 48:33.090 Things, losses anticipated losses, the fears, 48:33.350 --> 48:34.860 all of the things that are going along. 48:34.860 --> 48:37.360 And so I think having compassion and understanding, 48:37.360 --> 48:41.210 as you two have both so said so well is having, 48:41.210 --> 48:43.310 that empathy, that compassion, 48:43.310 --> 48:46.490 that understanding where that person is coming from, 48:46.490 --> 48:49.410 I'm doing a lot of coaching caregivers around behavior 48:49.410 --> 48:53.210 changes now, and they don't, they often think 48:53.210 --> 48:55.360 that their loved ones aren't really affected by this cause 48:55.360 --> 48:57.530 they weren't that active before anyway. 48:57.530 --> 49:00.360 And they aren't really getting down to the minutiae of it, 49:00.360 --> 49:02.720 that it actually is affecting their lives as well. 49:02.720 --> 49:04.790 And they're watching TV or they're hearing the stories 49:04.790 --> 49:06.320 and they're afraid. 49:06.320 --> 49:08.900 So really understanding that the pandemic 49:08.900 --> 49:11.194 affects them as well. 49:11.194 --> 49:14.160 And try to come up with new things to do. 49:14.160 --> 49:17.620 I think keeping people active and busy is so important 49:17.620 --> 49:19.940 and just get really creative about it. 49:19.940 --> 49:23.590 I, and yesterday I was posting in the Facebook group. 49:23.590 --> 49:26.510 I found some pictures of my parents when 49:26.510 --> 49:28.400 they were in high school and college. 49:28.400 --> 49:30.340 And I thought, Oh, 49:30.340 --> 49:32.580 I wish they were here for me to talk about with them. 49:32.580 --> 49:33.760 And they could tell me stories. 49:33.760 --> 49:35.417 And so I posted those pictures and said, 49:35.417 --> 49:38.710 "Hey, talk with your loved ones, pull out pictures." 49:38.710 --> 49:40.970 That's a great activity to do right now when you're stuck 49:40.970 --> 49:43.610 at home and talk about, get them to tell stories. 49:43.610 --> 49:45.117 And one of the caregivers said she did that. 49:45.117 --> 49:46.960 And her husband Greg remembered people, 49:46.960 --> 49:48.870 she was astounded that he did. 49:48.870 --> 49:52.740 And so just getting really creative like that with ways 49:52.740 --> 49:55.400 to connect and interact and stimulate. 49:55.400 --> 49:56.392 Well, that's fantastic. 49:56.392 --> 49:57.890 One of the things I wanna say is, 49:57.890 --> 50:01.420 also for the person we're caring for some of them do, 50:01.420 --> 50:03.090 are dealing with dementia or whatever, 50:03.090 --> 50:05.110 they're younger, they're sometimes their children, 50:05.110 --> 50:07.850 sometimes they're, young adults or whatever that is, 50:07.850 --> 50:09.710 but it's providing an understanding that yes, 50:09.710 --> 50:11.420 the caregiver does need to break some times too. 50:11.420 --> 50:13.000 My wife's really good about that. 50:13.000 --> 50:16.140 Sometimes I tell her, I said, "I'm going into town." 50:16.140 --> 50:16.973 Cause we live in the country, 50:16.973 --> 50:18.840 I'm going into town to pick up dinner. 50:19.800 --> 50:21.840 Just because I gotta go into town and get in the car 50:21.840 --> 50:22.780 and go for a drive. 50:22.780 --> 50:25.850 I mean really that's or go to Starbucks or something. 50:25.850 --> 50:28.420 It sounds, seems like a waste of time and a gas and money 50:28.420 --> 50:31.330 and all that stuff, but I'm like, I gotta go take a break. 50:31.330 --> 50:32.163 Right. 50:32.163 --> 50:34.680 And sometimes we, the person who's being cared for, 50:34.680 --> 50:37.560 needs to give the person the ability to do that, 50:37.560 --> 50:40.453 that it's okay for them to make a phone call. 50:40.453 --> 50:45.220 It's okay for them to take a break for a little bit. 50:45.220 --> 50:46.770 And so that's a big part of it too. 50:46.770 --> 50:49.313 Well, I think it's just fantastic. 50:50.850 --> 50:53.970 I was just gonna say, I used to get my dad out and we, 50:53.970 --> 50:56.880 I get him in the car and we go to Starbucks and do the drive 50:56.880 --> 51:00.330 through and get cake pops and lemonade or whatever, 51:00.330 --> 51:02.630 just to get out of the house, cause I needed that. 51:02.630 --> 51:04.520 And it was good stimulation for him. 51:04.520 --> 51:06.010 And I think a lot of people, 51:06.010 --> 51:09.010 you mentioned PK that your dad was kind of reticent 51:09.010 --> 51:10.270 to even take a walk. 51:10.270 --> 51:12.460 People kind of forget that they can get in their cars 51:12.460 --> 51:13.293 and drive around. 51:13.293 --> 51:14.690 And it is a change of pace. 51:14.690 --> 51:15.680 It's a break. 51:15.680 --> 51:17.940 So I think that's a great thing to do. 51:17.940 --> 51:20.930 Well I, this has been an amazing conversation, 51:20.930 --> 51:23.400 and I know that the conversation will continue, 51:23.400 --> 51:26.510 each of you and your organizations in the maze 51:26.510 --> 51:28.250 and the stuff you're doing and we're, 51:28.250 --> 51:31.090 through invisible disabilities, we're so honored to partner, 51:31.090 --> 51:32.430 with you and figure out ways 51:32.430 --> 51:34.050 that we can impact caregivers. 51:34.050 --> 51:35.870 During this relationship summit, 51:35.870 --> 51:37.630 we brought in a bunch of amazing experts, 51:37.630 --> 51:38.710 such as yourselves, 51:38.710 --> 51:41.470 as well as other relationship extras to authors. 51:41.470 --> 51:45.400 And we have, there's a business relationship round table. 51:45.400 --> 51:48.390 There's all kinds of different aspects. 51:48.390 --> 51:50.960 There's some writers talking about it and how they write 51:50.960 --> 51:53.230 about it and their fiction and how it impacts. 51:53.230 --> 51:56.550 It really is about a time to think about relationships 51:56.550 --> 51:58.620 and the benefits that we can provide to them 51:58.620 --> 52:01.490 and do use this as a catalyst for good, 52:01.490 --> 52:04.200 instead of the difficult things that we're going through. 52:04.200 --> 52:06.370 But for people to understand who are watching this, 52:06.370 --> 52:08.070 they are not alone. 52:08.070 --> 52:09.503 We are here to help. 52:10.500 --> 52:11.960 They're not gone through this by themselves, 52:11.960 --> 52:14.160 even though that isolation feels real 52:14.160 --> 52:15.580 cause it is in a sense, 52:15.580 --> 52:17.380 but they need to understand that they are not alone 52:17.380 --> 52:19.210 and they're not the only people going through this. 52:19.210 --> 52:22.040 And we're here to provide that insight, 52:22.040 --> 52:25.900 to provide those relationships and to just provide hope. 52:25.900 --> 52:27.460 And to me, that's what hope is. 52:27.460 --> 52:30.100 Hope is when somebody else reaches out to you in the middle 52:30.100 --> 52:31.540 of what they're going through is difficult 52:31.540 --> 52:33.170 and they share it with you, right? 52:33.170 --> 52:34.970 And how they can impact. 52:34.970 --> 52:38.280 Hope is not that, "Oh, we can the cure of the illness 52:38.280 --> 52:39.200 or whatever necessarily." 52:39.200 --> 52:42.150 The hope is, the humanity saying, you matter, 52:42.150 --> 52:43.230 you have value. 52:43.230 --> 52:45.070 I care about you. 52:45.070 --> 52:48.460 I just wanna call and say hi to you and let you know 52:48.460 --> 52:49.293 that I appreciate you. 52:49.293 --> 52:51.160 So, and I wanna like all of, you know, 52:51.160 --> 52:52.760 Amy and P.K. and Gary, 52:52.760 --> 52:55.360 that we so appreciate you from our organization 52:55.360 --> 52:57.410 to be part of this caregiver conversation. 52:57.410 --> 53:02.010 And we're really thrilled to the future to see how we can 53:02.010 --> 53:04.060 come together as well, and to make a difference. 53:04.060 --> 53:07.110 So thank you so much for being part of the love idea summit 53:07.110 --> 53:08.880 and a caregiver conversation. 53:08.880 --> 53:12.700 And we look forward to how people react as well. 53:12.700 --> 53:14.319 So thank you. 53:14.319 --> 53:15.152 Thank you. 53:15.152 --> 53:17.009 Thanks for having me 53:17.009 --> 53:18.179 Thanks everyone. 53:18.179 --> 53:20.762 (upbeat music)