WEBVTT 00:12.387 --> 00:14.970 (gentle music) 00:24.220 --> 00:25.640 Well, hello everyone, Jess Stainbrook here 00:25.640 --> 00:27.850 with the Invisible Disabilities Association, 00:27.850 --> 00:30.310 as part of the Love Ideas Summit. 00:30.310 --> 00:31.820 We have some great guests here today. 00:31.820 --> 00:34.730 We've got Marc and Lianna Treitler 00:34.730 --> 00:37.330 and Lianna is Marc's daughter. 00:37.330 --> 00:40.540 And a few years ago they wrote a book 00:40.540 --> 00:43.060 that I think really kinda will help us 00:43.060 --> 00:46.010 speak into what's going on in today's times 00:46.010 --> 00:49.420 of lockdown and some of the stress and different things 00:49.420 --> 00:51.240 that are affecting people 00:51.240 --> 00:53.550 because we're in closer relationship, 00:53.550 --> 00:55.580 or we're not able to get out 00:55.580 --> 00:58.750 and that's around alcohol and drug abuse. 00:58.750 --> 01:01.350 And the book that these guys wrote is pretty cool, 01:01.350 --> 01:04.087 it's called "Alcohol, Drugs & You: 01:04.087 --> 01:06.370 "A Young Person's Guide to Avoiding Addiction." 01:06.370 --> 01:09.330 And so, I think Lianna being the daughter 01:09.330 --> 01:11.840 is gonna have a lot of insight into 01:11.840 --> 01:15.150 how did I deal with dad in the times 01:15.150 --> 01:19.860 when he was struggling before he got sober, if you will. 01:19.860 --> 01:22.370 So I'm gonna let you guys kind of run with this. 01:22.370 --> 01:26.220 I mean, Marc, maybe you wanna start as far as 01:26.220 --> 01:27.730 what was going on in life? 01:27.730 --> 01:32.010 What is it that actually pulls you into this addiction 01:32.010 --> 01:35.377 and then we'll move into how to avoid it 01:35.377 --> 01:37.240 and the impact that had on your daughter 01:37.240 --> 01:40.580 and really then how that reconciliation can happen. 01:40.580 --> 01:42.590 Sure, thanks for having us. 01:42.590 --> 01:45.000 I'm happy to try to share our experiences 01:45.000 --> 01:48.410 and my experiences try to help families and kids 01:48.410 --> 01:49.490 avoid some of the pitfalls. 01:49.490 --> 01:52.090 So I come from a family, 01:52.090 --> 01:54.220 and not necessarily my mother or father, 01:54.220 --> 01:56.070 just 'cause there'll be watching us. 01:56.070 --> 01:58.140 But the family tree is loaded with addiction 01:58.140 --> 02:01.283 on both sides of alcohol and lots of drugs, 02:03.549 --> 02:04.960 as well as my sister. 02:04.960 --> 02:09.960 So I started, actually I didn't drink much in high school, 02:11.310 --> 02:12.350 which is sort of strange, 02:12.350 --> 02:13.850 but then when I got to college 02:14.970 --> 02:17.160 and joined a fraternity and lived in the fraternity, 02:17.160 --> 02:20.493 it was the normal thing to do in my mind, 02:21.860 --> 02:26.860 started drinking with friends seemed somewhat normal. 02:28.440 --> 02:30.210 And then as with most alcoholics, 02:30.210 --> 02:31.800 it just progresses over time, 02:31.800 --> 02:36.200 and so through college, through law school, 02:36.200 --> 02:39.473 marriage and the first jobs and the kids, 02:40.510 --> 02:42.380 every year it sort of progresses. 02:42.380 --> 02:44.640 In most alcoholics progressed as the same way 02:44.640 --> 02:47.430 you started out socially drinking with a few beers, 02:47.430 --> 02:50.150 then it turns into a lot more than a few beers, 02:50.150 --> 02:52.870 then it turns into a lot of wine at dinner, 02:52.870 --> 02:55.662 and then it turns into a you're hiding a vodka bottles 02:55.662 --> 02:58.400 in the cabinet 'cause it won't smell on your breath, 02:58.400 --> 03:00.250 and then you're throwing it away 03:00.250 --> 03:02.300 when the wife and the kids aren't looking 03:03.460 --> 03:04.470 just as you see in the movie. 03:04.470 --> 03:08.410 So it's, every alcoholic friend that I know 03:08.410 --> 03:10.010 pretty much ended in that state. 03:11.450 --> 03:15.350 The fact that I had it in my genes 03:15.350 --> 03:17.420 on both sides of the family sort of 03:17.420 --> 03:20.170 made the normal drinking in college 03:20.170 --> 03:21.980 almost a guaranteed to become an alcoholic, 03:21.980 --> 03:24.340 the studies and the statistics for that 03:24.340 --> 03:26.100 showed a stronger correlation. 03:26.100 --> 03:29.880 So eventually, and we can talk about 03:29.880 --> 03:32.700 what made me get better and I went to rehab 03:32.700 --> 03:33.580 and focused on things 03:33.580 --> 03:37.373 and thankfully I'm coming up on 12 years sober now. 03:39.038 --> 03:40.470 Congratulation. 03:40.470 --> 03:43.240 Thank you sir, and one of the things I wanted to make sure 03:44.169 --> 03:47.230 that I told my children, that I taught my children 03:47.230 --> 03:50.833 was the dangers of drugs and alcohol, 03:51.990 --> 03:54.920 especially with addiction in our genes. 03:54.920 --> 03:57.680 So that turned into a conversation with my daughter 03:57.680 --> 04:00.030 and when she'll talk, 04:00.030 --> 04:02.960 you can tell she's pretty smart and creative. 04:02.960 --> 04:05.900 And somehow the idea was that, 04:05.900 --> 04:08.040 well, every family we know has something like this, 04:08.040 --> 04:10.590 so let's not only discuss it internally, 04:10.590 --> 04:13.582 let's put something in a book form 04:13.582 --> 04:17.080 and there were a way we went. 04:17.080 --> 04:18.160 That's cool. Well, thanks. 04:18.160 --> 04:22.810 So Lianna, why don't you, if you can take us back to, 04:22.810 --> 04:24.520 I will call them the bad days 04:26.470 --> 04:29.070 and again, having looked over your book and stuff, 04:29.070 --> 04:30.610 what was that like? 04:30.610 --> 04:35.200 How does a child get through that kind of stuff 04:36.080 --> 04:39.920 to still love dad in the midst of what's going on? 04:39.920 --> 04:40.870 Yeah, absolutely. 04:40.870 --> 04:43.970 I think, like when I said he's almost 12 years sober, 04:43.970 --> 04:46.450 so I was at an age, I think I was old enough 04:46.450 --> 04:48.050 to realize something was a little bit off, 04:48.050 --> 04:48.883 something was going on, 04:48.883 --> 04:51.477 but we were not old enough to understand what was going on 04:51.477 --> 04:53.650 and to really be involved in that conversation. 04:53.650 --> 04:55.540 But I think from the outside, 04:55.540 --> 04:56.970 I just saw a bit of a change 04:56.970 --> 04:58.320 in my mom and dad relationship, 04:58.320 --> 05:00.350 definitely a lot more yelling around the house. 05:00.350 --> 05:02.950 My family's quite loud, but it was it was a step up. 05:03.910 --> 05:06.580 My brother and I maybe being put to bed early 05:06.580 --> 05:08.940 and then hearing fighting from the other room. 05:08.940 --> 05:12.570 And I think as noticeable as it could have been 05:12.570 --> 05:13.880 to a nine and 10 year old, 05:13.880 --> 05:15.850 I think my dad wasn't around as much, 05:15.850 --> 05:18.800 like maybe not coming to events, 05:18.800 --> 05:19.920 not being around the house as much, 05:19.920 --> 05:22.994 because obviously he was focused on other things. 05:22.994 --> 05:25.140 And I think as a child, I just took that as, 05:25.140 --> 05:26.540 Oh, dad's not around as much, 05:26.540 --> 05:28.560 they're at my parents, more angry, just things like that. 05:28.560 --> 05:30.750 And then obviously as I got older 05:30.750 --> 05:32.680 and they start to explained to me the reasons behind it, 05:32.680 --> 05:33.720 and after my dad went to rehab, 05:33.720 --> 05:36.973 it became very clear why those things have been happening. 05:38.370 --> 05:40.980 And I think to answer the second part of your question, 05:40.980 --> 05:43.610 how my brother now speak for both of us 05:43.610 --> 05:48.300 were able to kind of support my dad, 05:48.300 --> 05:50.670 even in the midst of like the tumultuous, 05:50.670 --> 05:52.123 like changes in our houses. 05:53.300 --> 05:55.690 It was just because my mom and dad were really great 05:55.690 --> 05:56.770 about communicating with us 05:56.770 --> 05:57.870 and telling us what was going on. 05:57.870 --> 06:00.940 Like my mom took us to rehab a bunch to see my dad 06:00.940 --> 06:03.940 when he came home, he wasn't like sneaking 06:03.940 --> 06:04.960 and hiding anything from us 06:04.960 --> 06:06.450 and he really kept us in the loop. 06:06.450 --> 06:09.230 And I think that's what we're trying to teach parents, 06:09.230 --> 06:10.710 is that if you just communicate with your kids 06:10.710 --> 06:14.040 and teach them, and he taught us about our family history 06:14.040 --> 06:15.240 and clearly taught us enough 06:15.240 --> 06:17.225 where we could write a book about it. 06:17.225 --> 06:18.710 And I think that that increased not only 06:18.710 --> 06:21.580 like the respect level, but also the trust between us. 06:21.580 --> 06:23.440 So now I feel like our relationship is much stronger 06:23.440 --> 06:25.470 just because we were able to talk about it 06:25.470 --> 06:27.883 when I was young and we can talk about things similarly now. 06:28.850 --> 06:29.730 That's awesome. 06:29.730 --> 06:34.730 So Mark, what was the straw that broke the camel's back 06:35.760 --> 06:40.390 to make you decide to change? 06:40.390 --> 06:42.780 It was a comment that a younger version 06:42.780 --> 06:44.860 of that girl on the bottom made 06:46.620 --> 06:47.972 as my drinking progressed, 06:47.972 --> 06:52.420 I wasn't able to be as present 06:52.420 --> 06:54.140 with the children emotionally or physically 06:54.140 --> 06:56.820 that's just what happens to alcoholics. 06:56.820 --> 07:01.317 So I'd like to make up for that with gifts and big gesture. 07:03.740 --> 07:08.740 So the family was big fans of American Idol, the TV Show, 07:10.030 --> 07:12.660 and Lianna was a big fan of David Archuleta. 07:12.660 --> 07:14.560 So I remember I bought concert tickets 07:14.560 --> 07:16.090 and I think they were really good seats, 07:16.090 --> 07:21.090 and either I got a limo or I drove, I think I got a limo, 07:21.980 --> 07:23.660 and I took her to the concert 07:23.660 --> 07:26.590 and I thought we had a great daddy daughter event. 07:26.590 --> 07:29.180 And I thought I only had a couple of beers 07:29.180 --> 07:31.770 and she wouldn't notice or it's just, 07:31.770 --> 07:32.910 she was focused on the concert. 07:32.910 --> 07:36.523 And then the next morning I asked my wife, 07:37.890 --> 07:39.340 so what Lianna say about the concert? 07:39.340 --> 07:42.970 And my wife said, Lianna said daddy drank too much. 07:42.970 --> 07:47.090 So that sort of stabbed me in the heart apparently, 07:47.090 --> 07:50.767 and then a few days later at a huge business function, 07:50.767 --> 07:55.440 I got myself a very, very drunk 07:55.440 --> 07:57.550 subconsciously intentionally, 07:57.550 --> 07:59.060 so that the next morning I asked for help. 07:59.060 --> 08:03.060 So it was a little comment from a daughter, 08:03.060 --> 08:07.350 if those of us that know a lot about addiction, 08:07.350 --> 08:11.020 if we knew what made somebody decide to get better, 08:11.020 --> 08:13.740 then nobody would be an alcoholic it's, 08:13.740 --> 08:16.203 I certainly had to worst moments before that. 08:17.150 --> 08:19.800 And then you see a lot of people 08:19.800 --> 08:22.200 lose their spouse and their kids and their job 08:22.200 --> 08:24.680 and ended up in prison and they still don't get help. 08:24.680 --> 08:27.233 But for me it was that one little comment. 08:29.000 --> 08:32.400 And Lianna, what's your viewpoint of that? 08:32.400 --> 08:35.237 How did things go then progressed and. 08:36.400 --> 08:38.820 Yeah, I think I definitely remember the evening 08:38.820 --> 08:41.810 kinda in flashes, 'cause again, I was pretty young, 08:41.810 --> 08:43.660 but I do remember going to the concert 08:43.660 --> 08:47.140 and like my dad said American Idol was the show, 08:47.140 --> 08:49.990 David Archuleta was the artist and I was so excited to go 08:51.100 --> 08:52.770 and I had a great time, but I just remember, 08:52.770 --> 08:55.360 kinda like you said, not being as present, 08:55.360 --> 08:57.860 maybe him leaving to go to like the beer tent. 08:57.860 --> 09:00.070 'Cause it was at a County Fair 09:00.070 --> 09:02.970 and they had like all these food tents next to the stage. 09:02.970 --> 09:06.580 And I do remember like him going back and forth 09:06.580 --> 09:07.640 coming back new beers 09:07.640 --> 09:09.560 and as a child I knew what alcohol was, 09:09.560 --> 09:11.040 so I obviously could tell my mom, 09:11.040 --> 09:12.260 I remember going home telling my mom, 09:12.260 --> 09:14.210 daddy drank too much and I went to bed. 09:15.570 --> 09:17.670 And obviously they didn't know why, 09:17.670 --> 09:18.810 I didn't know really what was going on, 09:18.810 --> 09:20.700 but that's just something I took away 09:20.700 --> 09:22.890 because we went to this concert 09:22.890 --> 09:25.590 and then kept going back and forth doing something else. 09:25.590 --> 09:27.900 So pretty much what he said, 09:27.900 --> 09:31.390 but I think as a child, I just noticed the sort of absence 09:31.390 --> 09:33.600 like you were talking about. 09:34.990 --> 09:39.670 So obviously it sounds like you checked yourself in 09:39.670 --> 09:43.483 to a place or how did the recovery process go 09:43.483 --> 09:45.320 and starting that? 09:45.320 --> 09:49.180 Yeah, I was at a big work function, our annual meeting 09:49.180 --> 09:53.040 and an executive in our company and I got myself, 09:53.040 --> 09:54.947 nobody had ever seen me drink like that, 09:54.947 --> 09:59.290 and it was clearly intentional subconsciously. 09:59.290 --> 10:00.340 In the morning I woke up 10:00.340 --> 10:03.870 and I asked a couple of my coworker 10:03.870 --> 10:06.570 I said, I need some help, you guys gotta give me help. 10:07.660 --> 10:12.660 Then while they were looking for rehabs in Las Vegas I, 10:14.600 --> 10:16.400 and I think this was a good idea, 10:16.400 --> 10:20.850 something told me to tell as many people as possible. 10:20.850 --> 10:25.670 So I think so I couldn't go back on my decision 10:25.670 --> 10:29.430 because alcoholics and drug addicts trust me, 10:29.430 --> 10:32.360 five times a week, they say, I'm never drinking again. 10:32.360 --> 10:34.350 I'm never drinking again, this is it. 10:34.350 --> 10:37.500 I threw up last night and passed out and this is it. 10:37.500 --> 10:39.760 And you pound fist and then 2:00 PM, 10:39.760 --> 10:40.630 you're having another beer. 10:40.630 --> 10:45.320 So I told a lot of people, coworkers, friends, family, 10:45.320 --> 10:50.230 and they found a rehab escorted me, 10:50.230 --> 10:52.330 I changed rehabs a week through 10:52.330 --> 10:55.250 and I wanted to be closer to the family. 10:55.250 --> 10:59.160 So I was at a rehab here in Del Mar in San Diego 10:59.160 --> 11:01.803 and 28 days later, as they say, 11:04.360 --> 11:05.270 it took me a couple of weeks, 11:05.270 --> 11:08.173 but I finally took it seriously what they were telling me. 11:10.080 --> 11:13.340 And then knock on wood one day at a time, 11:13.340 --> 11:14.590 we're almost at 12 years. 11:15.540 --> 11:17.100 Once again, congratulations. 11:17.100 --> 11:17.933 Thank you. 11:18.960 --> 11:21.410 So Lianna, what, I mean, it sounds like Marc, 11:21.410 --> 11:23.943 the accountability side is a key component. 11:24.780 --> 11:26.810 The fact that you told a lot of people 11:27.860 --> 11:30.340 to help you walk this path, 11:30.340 --> 11:32.626 that was going to be difficult, right? 11:32.626 --> 11:34.180 Yeah, for me that helped. 11:34.180 --> 11:37.279 Yeah, all right, I can see that. 11:37.279 --> 11:41.590 So Lianna, I'm curious, you're a college student, 11:41.590 --> 11:45.033 there's a lot of societal expectations, 11:46.190 --> 11:49.462 especially in that age range, like your dad said, 11:49.462 --> 11:54.462 you join a fraternity, join the sorority, join whatever, 11:54.770 --> 11:57.250 that's kind of the atmosphere, 11:57.250 --> 11:59.680 the legalization of a lot of the drugs. 11:59.680 --> 12:02.030 I mean, we live in Colorado, 12:02.030 --> 12:05.970 they legalized marijuana and there's a huge problem here. 12:05.970 --> 12:09.690 It's not just a social thing, it's increased in this stuff. 12:09.690 --> 12:13.300 How do you guard yourself 12:13.300 --> 12:16.360 in the midst of those kinds of things? 12:16.360 --> 12:18.300 Yeah, I think that's definitely something 12:18.300 --> 12:19.960 that I thought about before going to college, 12:19.960 --> 12:22.710 and I know my parents definitely also thought about it. 12:23.750 --> 12:27.740 I think in high school, I tried really hard 12:27.740 --> 12:30.200 to tell the people that were closest to me 12:30.200 --> 12:31.150 about the fact that I didn't drink 12:31.150 --> 12:33.870 and obviously all of my best friends my family, 12:33.870 --> 12:35.810 I told them our story. 12:35.810 --> 12:37.960 So I always make sure to keep the people closest 12:37.960 --> 12:39.310 to me in the loop, 12:39.310 --> 12:40.610 just in case something comes up 12:40.610 --> 12:43.550 and I need like someone on the defense with me 12:43.550 --> 12:45.803 or just so everyone knows my situation. 12:46.930 --> 12:49.550 And I think the biggest thing for me is that 12:49.550 --> 12:52.160 college students and young adults 12:52.160 --> 12:54.170 are kinda afraid of what they don't understand 12:54.170 --> 12:55.993 or afraid of things that are different. 12:56.830 --> 12:59.840 So maybe if I tell someone, Oh, I don't drink, 12:59.840 --> 13:01.930 they might be like, Oh, why, ask a few questions. 13:01.930 --> 13:03.650 But if I just stand there 13:03.650 --> 13:05.490 and I'm confident in what I'm saying, 13:05.490 --> 13:07.610 I'm very matter of fact and he was like, Oh, okay. 13:07.610 --> 13:10.910 Like, no one really cares what one individual does 13:10.910 --> 13:14.320 as long as you're pretty sure of yourself. 13:14.320 --> 13:16.840 I think also I'm honest with people just as my dad, 13:16.840 --> 13:18.800 my family were honest with me. 13:18.800 --> 13:20.270 I just told them I have an allergy, 13:20.270 --> 13:22.020 there's a lot of addiction in my family 13:22.020 --> 13:23.950 and you'd be surprised about 13:23.950 --> 13:25.910 how a lot of people are supportive 13:25.910 --> 13:27.890 rather than abrasive. 13:27.890 --> 13:29.770 A lot of people are like, wow, that's really cool, 13:29.770 --> 13:30.860 like very admirable of you. 13:30.860 --> 13:32.950 So I think just being very transparent 13:34.496 --> 13:36.640 because no teenager calls you 13:36.640 --> 13:37.550 and wants to make their peer 13:37.550 --> 13:38.890 do something they don't wanna do. 13:38.890 --> 13:40.240 I think definitely just being honest 13:40.240 --> 13:41.950 and keeping the people around me informed 13:41.950 --> 13:45.097 and people who love me surrounding myself with that. 13:46.031 --> 13:50.010 And Jess, we have a, there's a chapter in the book 13:50.010 --> 13:51.660 talking about peer pressure 13:51.660 --> 13:54.870 that Lianna wrote most of it obviously. 13:54.870 --> 13:57.980 And it's for those kids that read the book 13:57.980 --> 14:01.780 and give them some tools to push back when they're, 14:01.780 --> 14:05.060 not everybody's as confident as Lianna and forceful. 14:05.060 --> 14:06.550 So there might be some shyer kids out there 14:06.550 --> 14:10.980 that could use some tricks of the trade in our book. 14:10.980 --> 14:12.880 Sure, Well, I think what I'd like to do 14:12.880 --> 14:17.150 is approach the conversation again, 14:17.150 --> 14:20.390 knowing that people these days are dealing with 14:20.390 --> 14:24.123 extreme stress and anxiety, even fear of what's going on, 14:25.330 --> 14:28.280 in this time, that's very different for us 14:28.280 --> 14:31.140 of being locked down or forced in masks 14:31.140 --> 14:33.663 and trying to keep other people healthy. 14:34.580 --> 14:36.493 Marc, from your standpoint, 14:38.170 --> 14:42.500 somebody that perhaps is in business 14:42.500 --> 14:47.500 might not be sure if they're recognizing the signs 14:48.030 --> 14:53.020 of heading down this road of alcoholism, what are the tips? 14:53.020 --> 14:56.350 What are the those top three things 14:56.350 --> 14:58.090 that you need to watch out for 14:58.090 --> 15:02.490 and then, and again, how come out of it? 15:02.490 --> 15:05.363 Sure, yeah, and this is a difficult time. 15:07.060 --> 15:08.990 The statistics are just starting to come out 15:08.990 --> 15:12.553 about overdoses and it's more than doubled, 15:13.478 --> 15:17.350 it's people are like you said, they're scared. 15:17.350 --> 15:21.530 I generally say if you yourself, 15:21.530 --> 15:22.810 think you have a problem 15:22.810 --> 15:25.010 and if you're debating that with yourself 15:25.010 --> 15:26.070 or if you're a loved one 15:26.070 --> 15:28.860 and you think there might be a problem with somebody, 15:28.860 --> 15:30.080 there's almost always a problem. 15:30.080 --> 15:32.100 Because that person that's drinking or doing the drugs 15:32.100 --> 15:37.100 is normally not telling you all their doing if they're, 15:37.520 --> 15:39.120 I heard this the other day that, 15:40.600 --> 15:41.980 they seem drink a few beers, 15:41.980 --> 15:44.260 but he always seems to be really drunk. 15:44.260 --> 15:45.093 What could cause that? 15:45.093 --> 15:47.320 Well, it's 'cause he's going behind the scenes 15:47.320 --> 15:49.600 and chugging vodka or doing shots. 15:49.600 --> 15:52.380 So if you're debating with yourself 15:52.380 --> 15:56.410 or if your loved one or friend, 15:56.410 --> 15:57.350 if you think they have a problem, 15:57.350 --> 16:00.380 honestly they almost always have a problem. 16:00.380 --> 16:03.683 The specific, there's some decent tests, 16:05.200 --> 16:08.010 the one from the "Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book" 16:08.010 --> 16:10.760 that I really like is all right, 16:10.760 --> 16:12.400 so if you don't think you're an alcoholic, 16:12.400 --> 16:16.163 go to a bar or restaurant now or outside or something, 16:17.290 --> 16:20.890 and have two drinks a night and do that for two weeks 16:20.890 --> 16:23.310 and see if you really can stay at two drinks. 16:23.310 --> 16:26.340 Now, a true alcoholic can't so those first two drinks, 16:26.340 --> 16:27.520 maybe the first night you'd be like, 16:27.520 --> 16:29.570 all right, I'm gonna prove to myself, 16:29.570 --> 16:31.080 by that third night, you're gonna be like, 16:31.080 --> 16:33.380 well, I weigh 190 pounds, 16:33.380 --> 16:36.310 so really I should have four beers, not two beer. 16:36.310 --> 16:39.750 So that's one of the tests, 16:39.750 --> 16:41.700 not that I'm encouraging drinking, 16:41.700 --> 16:45.973 but if you can't stop, a normal person can stop. 16:47.288 --> 16:49.430 My wife can stop at two glasses of wine 16:49.430 --> 16:50.710 or one glass of wine. 16:50.710 --> 16:53.580 An alcoholic really can't, that's one of the tests. 16:53.580 --> 16:56.450 And then I like to say, if you or your loved ones, 16:56.450 --> 17:00.233 switches from wanting to drink, to needing to drink, 17:01.530 --> 17:02.363 that's an alcoholic. 17:02.363 --> 17:06.580 If you find yourself planning your social activities 17:06.580 --> 17:09.730 or around alcohol, if you have young kids 17:09.730 --> 17:12.660 and you find yourself where it's open 17:12.660 --> 17:15.360 going to Dave & Buster's a lot 'cause they have a bar, 17:15.360 --> 17:18.010 going to Chuck E. Cheese a lot 'cause they have beer, 17:19.070 --> 17:22.433 making sure that the restaurant you go to service wine. 17:23.970 --> 17:26.300 You've transitioned from that wanting to that need, 17:26.300 --> 17:30.483 and usually that's a sign that it's past that point. 17:32.210 --> 17:33.760 Well, thanks Marc. 17:33.760 --> 17:35.533 So Lianna from your standpoint, 17:36.776 --> 17:41.750 how do people recognize or step away, 17:41.750 --> 17:44.450 I mean, you've taken a strong stance, 17:44.450 --> 17:48.170 which I commend you on and what a great example, 17:48.170 --> 17:50.650 but for perhaps friends that are struggling, 17:50.650 --> 17:52.960 I mean, you're in college, is it a roommate? 17:52.960 --> 17:54.210 Is that a really good friend? 17:54.210 --> 17:55.960 Is that a brothers? Is it a sister? 18:00.410 --> 18:01.800 What are the things watch for 18:01.800 --> 18:04.930 and how do we help them back out of that? 18:04.930 --> 18:08.190 Absolutely, I think with young adults, 18:08.190 --> 18:09.850 it's usually one of two things. 18:09.850 --> 18:12.920 I think the first is sort of needing alcohol 18:12.920 --> 18:15.470 and eating substances to have fun kinda depending on that, 18:15.470 --> 18:19.000 because obviously kids, my age are socializing a lot, 18:19.000 --> 18:20.540 going out a lot, trying to make new friends. 18:20.540 --> 18:23.860 And if you find yourself needing alcoholic drink, 18:23.860 --> 18:26.440 before you socialize to be more comfortable. 18:26.440 --> 18:28.370 I think a lot of kids have the expectation that, 18:28.370 --> 18:30.030 Oh, you need to drink a little to loosen up 18:30.030 --> 18:31.640 to socialize and be more talkative. 18:31.640 --> 18:33.510 But I feel like my dad said, 18:33.510 --> 18:35.790 once you start depending on alcohol 18:35.790 --> 18:38.570 to make you sort of personable and friendly, 18:38.570 --> 18:40.930 I think that's a big sign that I've seen. 18:40.930 --> 18:43.590 And also especially might be the pandemic 18:43.590 --> 18:45.233 and kind of isolation. 18:46.440 --> 18:48.700 If you get really sad, or get a bad grade on the test 18:48.700 --> 18:50.897 or something happens with a significant other friend 18:50.897 --> 18:53.070 and you're like, okay, let's go get drunk tonight, 18:53.070 --> 18:56.390 or okay, let's use drinking or drugs to cope with 18:56.390 --> 18:57.223 what I'm going through. 18:57.223 --> 18:59.160 So using, kind of like drinking feelings away, 18:59.160 --> 19:01.320 I think that's just as much of a problem 19:01.320 --> 19:02.863 with younger kids as adults, 19:03.700 --> 19:06.350 especially as this such a transitional time. 19:06.350 --> 19:10.450 And there's a lot of new things facing kids my age, 19:10.450 --> 19:12.060 kinda drinking to forget those things. 19:12.060 --> 19:14.220 Drinking to forget like the hard times 19:14.220 --> 19:16.370 of the week on the weekends. 19:16.370 --> 19:17.860 And in regards to getting people out, 19:17.860 --> 19:19.760 I think definitely I've done this a lot. 19:19.760 --> 19:22.470 I just asked my friends like, yo is everything okay? 19:22.470 --> 19:24.050 Do you want to talk about something? 19:24.050 --> 19:25.930 And usually if they're in that sort of state 19:25.930 --> 19:26.980 where they need to turn to alcohol, 19:26.980 --> 19:29.210 a lot of my friends are really willing to talk. 19:29.210 --> 19:31.150 And just keeping an eye out, 19:31.150 --> 19:33.300 maybe not encouraging the behavior. 19:33.300 --> 19:35.960 Like if your friend's like, Oh, let's go get some drinks 19:35.960 --> 19:36.793 or Oh, let's do this. 19:36.793 --> 19:39.250 You're like, Oh, like we can do movie night instead. 19:39.250 --> 19:41.880 Finding alternatives to have fun 19:41.880 --> 19:42.970 that don't involve alcohol, 19:42.970 --> 19:44.660 I feel like is a really big thing. 19:44.660 --> 19:46.840 And in regards to drinking away your feelings, 19:46.840 --> 19:48.250 just always asking. 19:48.250 --> 19:49.770 I think a lot of times teenagers 19:49.770 --> 19:52.990 and young adults forget to ask each other how we're doing. 19:52.990 --> 19:54.620 Through some stigma of not wanting 19:54.620 --> 19:56.670 to have something wrong with you, 19:56.670 --> 19:59.290 but a little goes a long way, that's it. 19:59.290 --> 20:01.390 Yeah, well, I appreciate that insight, 20:01.390 --> 20:03.510 especially from your age group 20:03.510 --> 20:06.000 and that there's a lot of wisdom there. 20:06.000 --> 20:09.160 I will say that I feel like it's interesting 20:09.160 --> 20:11.623 that your dad and my generation, 20:13.400 --> 20:15.372 we had to go find the bullies 20:15.372 --> 20:17.980 if we're gonna get into trouble 20:17.980 --> 20:21.660 and you guys the stuff shows up right here. 20:21.660 --> 20:24.180 So you're living through a lot of different things 20:24.180 --> 20:26.540 and a lot of different pressures that we didn't experience. 20:26.540 --> 20:31.540 And again, any kinda insight as to overcoming that, 20:31.790 --> 20:33.400 I mean, again that could be something 20:33.400 --> 20:36.360 that led somebody toward drinking or suicide. 20:36.360 --> 20:39.950 We're gonna do a discussion here around suicide as well, 20:39.950 --> 20:41.970 because again, the things that are coming forward, 20:41.970 --> 20:45.300 but any other things that Lianna again, 20:45.300 --> 20:50.300 from your standpoint that you see would help your generation 20:51.120 --> 20:54.850 press into healthy and positive things to do 20:54.850 --> 20:57.840 as opposed to some of the negative choices. 20:57.840 --> 21:00.580 Yeah, I think I'm kind of a plug 21:00.580 --> 21:01.750 to what we talked about in the book, 21:01.750 --> 21:03.050 definitely talk to your children 21:03.050 --> 21:05.030 about these kinds of things at a younger age, 21:05.030 --> 21:07.100 because if you're talking to your teenager 21:07.100 --> 21:08.600 about substance abuse and use 21:08.600 --> 21:10.630 after they're already seeing it, 21:10.630 --> 21:11.510 you're a little bit too late. 21:11.510 --> 21:13.280 So I think getting in there early, 21:13.280 --> 21:14.720 and then with that talking about 21:14.720 --> 21:16.500 how you can be a resource as a parent, 21:16.500 --> 21:20.713 as a guardian, as a friend, just being at a talk. 21:21.560 --> 21:22.570 'Cause a lot of times the kids feel 21:22.570 --> 21:23.590 they can't talk to their parents 21:23.590 --> 21:25.220 they will go and talk to the bottle instead, 21:25.220 --> 21:26.623 which is a horrible thing. 21:27.650 --> 21:28.660 And I think like you said, 21:28.660 --> 21:31.590 with dealing on a new things like social media, 21:31.590 --> 21:33.910 everything virtual, I think, I do this a lot, 21:33.910 --> 21:35.680 I take breaks a lot from social media, 21:35.680 --> 21:38.430 from texting just to step away. 21:38.430 --> 21:40.500 I found a lot of other things and that's a big us 21:40.500 --> 21:42.670 because I think our generation is so 21:42.670 --> 21:44.063 revolved around technology. 21:45.300 --> 21:46.730 I think just stepping away, 21:46.730 --> 21:49.210 finding other things like going on walks with your dog 21:49.210 --> 21:50.533 or going to play sports. 21:51.510 --> 21:53.610 I just used to drive around at home in quarantine 21:53.610 --> 21:57.080 just to get some air, just kinda take a breather, 21:57.080 --> 21:58.923 I think is really underrated. 22:00.470 --> 22:03.020 And also just parents can help with this 22:03.020 --> 22:04.360 to building up your confidence 22:04.360 --> 22:06.680 because if you're looking at your phone, 22:06.680 --> 22:09.980 comparing yourself to every girl you see on your Instagram, 22:09.980 --> 22:11.700 then obviously you're gonna feel a little bit inadequate 22:11.700 --> 22:12.960 and then maybe turn to other things 22:12.960 --> 22:14.290 to make yourself feel better. 22:14.290 --> 22:16.900 So I think a lot of it's rooted in how the kids are raised 22:16.900 --> 22:17.970 and how the parents talk to them. 22:17.970 --> 22:21.740 But then also finding other things to kind of take away, 22:21.740 --> 22:23.843 take a step back from virtual world. 22:25.550 --> 22:26.620 Thanks, Lianna. 22:27.529 --> 22:28.400 It's good advice. 22:28.400 --> 22:31.269 Wisdom beyond your years, congratulations. 22:31.269 --> 22:32.650 Thank you. 22:32.650 --> 22:34.130 So Marc, any other thoughts 22:34.130 --> 22:38.760 and where can people find some of this information? 22:38.760 --> 22:40.520 Yeah, I just wanted to touch on one thing 22:40.520 --> 22:43.210 that Lianna said, you're right she has a lot of wisdom. 22:43.210 --> 22:48.210 So alcoholics and addicts, we don't develop coping skills 22:48.510 --> 22:50.160 because it's just the alcohol. 22:50.160 --> 22:53.030 So when Lianna referenced having a stressful day 22:53.030 --> 22:56.910 or a relationship issue or even a great day, 22:56.910 --> 22:58.940 all alcoholics do is they drink. 22:58.940 --> 23:02.510 So during my a 15 to 20 year drinking career, 23:02.510 --> 23:04.570 I didn't really develop coping skills. 23:04.570 --> 23:09.570 So that's, you maintain your emotional immaturity, 23:10.320 --> 23:12.760 even to this day, you could probably tell my daughter, 23:12.760 --> 23:16.160 my 19 year old has better coping skills than I do 23:16.160 --> 23:19.750 and I'm almost 50, so very insightful. 23:19.750 --> 23:23.330 So to get our book, you can go to Amazon 23:23.330 --> 23:25.990 or you can go to potatoallergy.com. 23:25.990 --> 23:28.690 That's our main website, on that website we have 23:28.690 --> 23:31.330 tips and tools and you can ask questions. 23:31.330 --> 23:35.060 And if anybody is having financial issues 23:35.060 --> 23:35.893 and can't afford the book, 23:35.893 --> 23:37.160 just email us, we'll send you a copy. 23:37.160 --> 23:38.600 So our goal is to get this out there 23:38.600 --> 23:42.600 and help as many people, children like, 23:42.600 --> 23:44.670 especially before they're introduced 23:44.670 --> 23:47.013 to the drugs or the alcohol or the peer pressure. 23:48.120 --> 23:50.387 Any other last thoughts Lianna? 23:51.350 --> 23:52.183 Yeah, I would just say, 23:52.183 --> 23:53.260 we're trying to get this message out 23:53.260 --> 23:54.680 to as many people as possible. 23:54.680 --> 23:57.170 So thank you for sharing and thank you for having us. 23:57.170 --> 23:59.780 Yeah, you're doing great work Jess, 23:59.780 --> 24:02.940 the entire program is just amazing. 24:02.940 --> 24:05.810 So thank you for helping people 24:05.810 --> 24:08.950 and letting us hopefully play a small part in that. 24:08.950 --> 24:11.220 Yeah, well, I appreciate you guys joining me 24:11.220 --> 24:12.630 for this particular segment. 24:12.630 --> 24:15.640 Like I said, statistics are going up 24:15.640 --> 24:17.436 given the situation that we're currently in, 24:17.436 --> 24:19.763 and we wanna change that. 24:20.640 --> 24:22.650 When we talk about invisible disabilities, 24:22.650 --> 24:25.180 it covers such a wide range of things 24:25.180 --> 24:27.490 and people might have stereotypes of all, 24:27.490 --> 24:28.890 well, that's this or that's that. 24:28.890 --> 24:33.220 And I actually think the addictions 24:33.220 --> 24:35.570 to alcohol or drugs are very similar. 24:35.570 --> 24:38.210 And again, because you may know somebody 24:38.210 --> 24:41.060 and they act one way when they're someplace 24:42.222 --> 24:43.890 and a different way when there's someplace else. 24:43.890 --> 24:47.610 And so that in itself is a disability 24:47.610 --> 24:48.910 that could be invisible, 24:48.910 --> 24:52.980 again obviously that has huge consequences 24:52.980 --> 24:55.740 in the context of relationships. 24:55.740 --> 24:59.330 So anyway, well, thank you so much guys for joining me 24:59.330 --> 25:03.140 and Lianna have a great year at school, 25:03.140 --> 25:05.540 hopefully they'll get you back in the classes. 25:05.540 --> 25:08.420 Marc, and I appreciate you guys 25:08.420 --> 25:11.870 as a team and a family working through these things 25:11.870 --> 25:15.030 and sharing it in such a way that we can help others 25:15.030 --> 25:17.840 who are living with this kind of a struggle. 25:17.840 --> 25:19.580 So thanks so much. 25:19.580 --> 25:21.322 All right thanks Jess, thank Lianna have a great day. 25:21.322 --> 25:22.392 All right. 25:22.392 --> 25:24.975 (gentle music)