WEBVTT 00:12.341 --> 00:14.758 (soft music) 00:24.021 --> 00:25.271 Hello, I'm Phoenix Jackson 00:25.271 --> 00:27.038 of Fly with Phoenix and the Phoenix Affect. 00:27.038 --> 00:29.631 And I wanna thank you all for joining me here today 00:29.631 --> 00:31.881 for the Invisible Disabilities Association's 00:31.881 --> 00:35.201 first annual Love Ideas Conference. 00:35.201 --> 00:36.034 You've heard that right. 00:36.034 --> 00:39.061 It's Love Ideas here in 2020. 00:39.061 --> 00:41.601 Now we have some great conversation for you all, 00:41.601 --> 00:43.391 ladies and gentlemen alike. 00:43.391 --> 00:45.151 And I have two beautiful ladies with me, 00:45.151 --> 00:48.711 who I just adore and our respect for all the knowledge 00:48.711 --> 00:50.781 and wisdom and the truth that they're spreading out 00:50.781 --> 00:52.092 on their platforms. 00:52.092 --> 00:54.361 All revolve around love, relationships, 00:54.361 --> 00:57.191 and everything in between. 00:57.191 --> 00:59.731 So we'll talk about who I am a little bit more later, 00:59.731 --> 01:02.401 but I wanna dive into who these beautiful ladies are. 01:02.401 --> 01:03.234 Hi ladies. 01:03.234 --> 01:05.181 Thank you guys for joining me so right here today. 01:05.181 --> 01:06.181 Thank you. 01:06.181 --> 01:07.801 Hello. Thank you for having us. 01:07.801 --> 01:09.341 Hello. 01:09.341 --> 01:13.971 So, I'm gonna start here with Caryn, Caryn Ward Ross. 01:13.971 --> 01:15.171 And I'm sure some of you all have, 01:15.171 --> 01:17.241 you just recognize her beautiful face, 01:17.241 --> 01:20.641 but she is just one of the top producers, 01:20.641 --> 01:23.571 executive producers, actresses that have been out here 01:23.571 --> 01:24.941 for a very long time. 01:24.941 --> 01:26.281 I mean, she's been in the industry 01:26.281 --> 01:28.151 in entertainment for so long. 01:28.151 --> 01:30.091 I know she was very, very, very, very young. 01:30.091 --> 01:32.405 She's like, she looks like she's like 15 (laughs). 01:32.405 --> 01:33.238 But she's- 01:33.238 --> 01:34.071 I'll take that, I'll take that. 01:34.071 --> 01:35.001 (Phoenix laughs) 01:35.001 --> 01:37.701 But she's been in this industry for so long. 01:37.701 --> 01:39.248 And she's been on some of our favorite shows, 01:39.248 --> 01:43.601 "The Game," HBO's "Entourage," "Jane the Virgin," "Lucifer." 01:43.601 --> 01:47.406 But very recently her and her husband, Craig Ross, 01:47.406 --> 01:50.441 Craig Ross Junior, they formed a show called "Monogamy" 01:50.441 --> 01:52.488 which is very much revolved around marriage 01:52.488 --> 01:53.631 and relationships. 01:53.631 --> 01:56.471 And I have learned so much watching that show. 01:56.471 --> 01:59.051 And we're gonna dive into that a little bit later as well. 01:59.051 --> 02:00.281 But welcome Caryn. 02:00.281 --> 02:01.351 Thank you for being here. 02:01.351 --> 02:03.711 Is there anything else you wanna share about yourself 02:03.711 --> 02:05.971 to the audience here? 02:05.971 --> 02:07.541 I am excited to be here. 02:07.541 --> 02:10.021 This is such a special treat. 02:10.021 --> 02:12.091 This conversation is gonna be electrifying. 02:12.091 --> 02:15.051 And a little random tidbit, 02:15.051 --> 02:20.051 I really, really, really love chocolate chip cookies. 02:20.391 --> 02:23.811 So, if anyone wants to demonstrate love for me, 02:23.811 --> 02:25.321 that's my love language. 02:25.321 --> 02:26.681 I just (indistinct). 02:26.681 --> 02:28.151 (Caryn and Phoenix laughing) 02:28.151 --> 02:30.181 I love that, I love that. 02:30.181 --> 02:33.321 And last but not least, I wanna introduce Angela Holton. 02:33.321 --> 02:35.741 She is an awesome friend of mine as well, 02:35.741 --> 02:37.651 who was just named by Yahoo Finance 02:37.651 --> 02:40.781 as one of the top 10 relationship coaches of 2020. 02:40.781 --> 02:44.021 And she's an international dating and relationship expert, 02:44.021 --> 02:46.301 speaker, and trainer, certified coach. 02:46.301 --> 02:49.851 So she's the author and founder of Love Sanctuary. 02:49.851 --> 02:53.591 And not only, you know, has she authored materials and books 02:53.591 --> 02:56.761 and have spoken on BET Her and other platforms 02:56.761 --> 02:59.441 about conscious love and conscious dating, 02:59.441 --> 03:03.271 but she also, you know, has put together summits 03:03.271 --> 03:06.321 that have been revolved around self-healing and self-love, 03:06.321 --> 03:08.171 'cause, right, you gotta get to that space first 03:08.171 --> 03:10.431 before you can even step into conscious loving, 03:10.431 --> 03:11.331 conscious dating. 03:11.331 --> 03:13.951 So I wanna thank you for being here, Angela, as well, 03:13.951 --> 03:16.131 and audience let's welcome her. 03:16.131 --> 03:18.751 And Angela, please tell us something about yourself as well 03:18.751 --> 03:20.017 as we get started. 03:20.017 --> 03:21.401 You know what, thank you so much for having me. 03:21.401 --> 03:22.534 And I'm just gonna echo Caryn. 03:22.534 --> 03:24.596 Caryn, you and I are gonna get along famously, 03:24.596 --> 03:26.811 'cause I love anything chocolate, like, 03:26.811 --> 03:27.920 (Caryn laughing) 03:27.920 --> 03:29.871 that is one of my pleasure principles. 03:29.871 --> 03:31.281 I have a little chocolate chip cookie 03:31.281 --> 03:32.721 or a little piece of chocolate. 03:32.721 --> 03:34.381 I'm so excited to be here, Phoenix. 03:34.381 --> 03:35.214 Thanks for having us. 03:35.214 --> 03:36.541 I think it's a wonderful topic. 03:36.541 --> 03:39.481 We don't talk enough about love and relationships, 03:39.481 --> 03:40.961 how to cultivate them, 03:40.961 --> 03:42.981 and how to really start from the inside out 03:42.981 --> 03:44.661 in creating wholesome relationships. 03:44.661 --> 03:46.451 So I'm excited to be here. 03:46.451 --> 03:48.401 Let's piggyback off of what you just said 03:48.401 --> 03:50.781 because your whole platform is around conscious love 03:50.781 --> 03:52.451 and conscious dating. 03:52.451 --> 03:55.341 Explain to the audience, what does that mean? 03:55.341 --> 04:00.211 And how does that type of dating, that type of consciousness 04:00.211 --> 04:02.271 differ from what you normally see 04:02.271 --> 04:06.091 or what's sort of the norm in today's society? 04:06.091 --> 04:09.341 Yeah, so if you think about the norm of dating now, 04:09.341 --> 04:13.071 it's a narrative that's been built on scarcity and fear. 04:13.071 --> 04:16.711 You know, we're constantly receiving a barrage of messages 04:16.711 --> 04:19.591 that we're not enough, that we're not good enough 04:19.591 --> 04:23.271 unless we're validated with people, factors, partnerships, 04:23.271 --> 04:26.271 spouses, titles, success, you name it. 04:26.271 --> 04:27.891 Things external to us. 04:27.891 --> 04:29.571 But the conscious dating method 04:29.571 --> 04:31.141 turns that all around, right? 04:31.141 --> 04:32.641 There's no scarcity mindset. 04:32.641 --> 04:34.651 There's no fear-based mindset. 04:34.651 --> 04:38.151 There's a reason that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. 04:38.151 --> 04:42.081 Relationship skills aren't taught, they aren't cultivated, 04:42.081 --> 04:43.901 and then they're based on fear, right? 04:43.901 --> 04:45.921 A lot of relationships have fear of commitment, 04:45.921 --> 04:49.481 fear of betrayal, fear of, you name, the gamut is there. 04:49.481 --> 04:52.321 But the conscious dating method says out the gate, 04:52.321 --> 04:53.581 I'm enough. 04:53.581 --> 04:56.901 I'm complete, I'm whole, I'm inner fulfilled. 04:56.901 --> 04:58.571 I feel purposeful in my life. 04:58.571 --> 05:00.011 I'm doing what I love, 05:00.011 --> 05:03.561 and this partner is just a mere compliment of me. 05:03.561 --> 05:06.351 But I have filled my well so high with love 05:06.351 --> 05:08.801 that I'm not seeking that validation. 05:08.801 --> 05:12.281 It's less about seeking a partnership, 05:12.281 --> 05:14.681 and more about becoming the partner that you want. 05:14.681 --> 05:17.241 And then there's a couple of other overarching topics, 05:17.241 --> 05:18.911 which is self-awareness. 05:18.911 --> 05:20.361 Conscious love and conscious dating 05:20.361 --> 05:22.751 is about a degree in self-awareness. 05:22.751 --> 05:24.051 You know who you are. 05:24.051 --> 05:25.651 Who's showing up on the date? 05:25.651 --> 05:27.971 Who's showing up in the bed each morning 05:27.971 --> 05:29.601 year after year in your marriage? 05:29.601 --> 05:32.891 You know, you're aware of your wound, your triggers. 05:32.891 --> 05:35.081 You're not sabotaging your relationship, 05:35.081 --> 05:35.914 even in your marriage. 05:35.914 --> 05:38.341 You're not projecting your core wounds. 05:38.341 --> 05:40.981 But you're aware of your partner's core wounds, 05:40.981 --> 05:43.601 and you're protecting your partner from your core wounds. 05:43.601 --> 05:46.021 The other two that I would say is intentionality. 05:46.021 --> 05:49.241 You are intentional about your words, your thoughts, 05:49.241 --> 05:50.991 your actions, your deeds, what you want. 05:50.991 --> 05:52.141 You show up. 05:52.141 --> 05:53.671 You show up in dating. 05:53.671 --> 05:54.941 You show up in your marriage. 05:54.941 --> 05:56.141 And then the last part, which we, 05:56.141 --> 05:58.771 I already sort of talked about was self love. 05:58.771 --> 06:01.051 You're dating with self-compassion, non-judgment, 06:01.051 --> 06:02.971 and really loving and honoring yourself 06:02.971 --> 06:04.601 in the process of learning who you are 06:04.601 --> 06:06.351 through relationships. 06:06.351 --> 06:08.291 So, as you're speaking on all those, 06:08.291 --> 06:09.771 I'm just nodding and agreeing like, yes, 06:09.771 --> 06:11.971 all that is totally, it's just totally true. 06:11.971 --> 06:14.631 And I've been married before, divorced, 06:14.631 --> 06:16.378 and back into a committed relationship. 06:16.378 --> 06:19.381 And so everything you're saying just holds true 06:19.381 --> 06:20.521 just across the board. 06:20.521 --> 06:22.491 Caryn, she's just talked about 06:22.491 --> 06:24.551 the things you have to sort of prepare yourself for 06:24.551 --> 06:27.461 as you're entering into that, you know, conscious dating, 06:27.461 --> 06:29.001 hopefully to get into that relationship, 06:29.001 --> 06:30.538 to get into marriage, or whatever your end game is. 06:30.538 --> 06:32.871 I know everyone's end game is different. 06:32.871 --> 06:36.361 But what did she say that kind of struck for you? 06:36.361 --> 06:38.871 You know, did you practice these things as well 06:38.871 --> 06:40.101 as you stepped into a space? 06:40.101 --> 06:40.934 'Cause I know you and your husband 06:40.934 --> 06:42.851 have such an intentional marriage. 06:42.851 --> 06:43.891 We do. 06:43.891 --> 06:45.851 Everything that Angela was speaking about, 06:45.851 --> 06:48.831 I'm over here trying to (indistinct) stop nodding your head. 06:48.831 --> 06:50.094 You're like a bubble head over here. 06:50.094 --> 06:51.060 (Phoenix and Angela laugh) 06:51.060 --> 06:54.181 It all resonates on every level. 06:54.181 --> 06:58.221 And a little known, maybe unknown, but kind of known fact 06:58.221 --> 07:02.081 is it actually took a decade for my husband and I 07:02.081 --> 07:04.101 to get married, for me to get married. 07:04.101 --> 07:07.971 For the reasons that Angela spoke about. 07:07.971 --> 07:09.971 I grew up in a space of consciousness, 07:09.971 --> 07:12.001 which is just bringing awareness. 07:12.001 --> 07:15.751 So much of our lives we move on automatic pilot, 07:15.751 --> 07:17.811 and we're so externally focused 07:17.811 --> 07:20.841 that we tend to think things are happening to us 07:20.841 --> 07:23.531 when actually, in actuality, they're happening through us. 07:23.531 --> 07:27.641 So if there's something being reflected in your experience, 07:27.641 --> 07:30.351 then it's an opportunity to look within, 07:30.351 --> 07:33.351 to, as Angela mentioned, your core wounds. 07:33.351 --> 07:37.061 And so, my point in all of that was that 07:37.061 --> 07:38.891 at the point that I met my husband, 07:38.891 --> 07:42.281 it was very clear to me that I had some housekeeping to do. 07:42.281 --> 07:45.141 That I was projecting onto him. 07:45.141 --> 07:46.178 In a lot of ways he was projecting onto me. 07:46.178 --> 07:49.411 There was a lot of co-dependent elements. 07:49.411 --> 07:52.311 And so when I came around, about nine years later, 07:52.311 --> 07:53.921 I had healed a lot of that 07:53.921 --> 07:56.861 so that we could then come into a conscious union 07:56.861 --> 07:59.391 and reflect the best in each other, 07:59.391 --> 08:03.141 as opposed to the wounding and the worst in each other. 08:03.141 --> 08:05.334 So, all that to say, (indistinct). 08:06.294 --> 08:07.221 I love that. 08:07.221 --> 08:08.961 And back you, Angela. 08:08.961 --> 08:11.337 Like, so you've been talking about conscious dating 08:11.337 --> 08:15.331 and conscious love for quite some time. 08:15.331 --> 08:17.811 But of course 2020 has been a year, as I have said, 08:17.811 --> 08:20.211 that has snatched everybody's edges off. 08:20.211 --> 08:22.411 Just completely snatched everyone's edges bald. 08:22.411 --> 08:25.321 Just has pretty much uprooted us, unearthed us. 08:25.321 --> 08:29.501 Has unshipped things in us that we have to look at, right? 08:29.501 --> 08:30.334 You can't continue to run from yourself. 08:30.334 --> 08:32.991 And I think this year has grown taught us that. 08:32.991 --> 08:36.891 What do you think has been different in 2020 specifically 08:36.891 --> 08:39.121 now that everything has been confined, 08:39.121 --> 08:41.551 versus the other years as it pertains 08:41.551 --> 08:44.411 to conscious dating, or just dating period? 08:44.411 --> 08:46.221 Yeah, no, I appreciate you saying that 08:46.221 --> 08:47.371 because it is important. 08:47.371 --> 08:49.251 Like, we are being unearthed. 08:49.251 --> 08:51.081 Like, there's no hiding from yourself. 08:51.081 --> 08:52.221 There's no running from yourself. 08:52.221 --> 08:54.631 You have to sit with yourself, 08:54.631 --> 08:56.041 whether you like yourself or not. 08:56.041 --> 08:57.561 You've got to be in the discomfort. 08:57.561 --> 09:00.111 And I think it's such a healing process. 09:00.111 --> 09:02.721 I'm hoping that people engage in their own healing 09:02.721 --> 09:05.271 during this time, rather than finding other things 09:05.271 --> 09:07.111 to fill their voids as they would 09:07.111 --> 09:08.591 if we weren't in a pandemic. 09:08.591 --> 09:10.191 You know, we are in a pandemic. 09:10.191 --> 09:11.701 Dating has changed. 09:11.701 --> 09:13.241 It hasn't been obliterated. 09:13.241 --> 09:14.561 I wanna give people courage 09:14.561 --> 09:18.771 that this is actually an awesome, awesome time to date. 09:18.771 --> 09:21.371 How? Yes, it is. 09:21.371 --> 09:24.971 You know, because your relationships are cultivated 09:24.971 --> 09:26.831 on the foundation of things that are necessary. 09:26.831 --> 09:28.441 The mental and emotional. 09:28.441 --> 09:30.571 And when we were really on lockdown, 09:30.571 --> 09:33.711 you had to delay the gratification of the physicality. 09:33.711 --> 09:35.241 You couldn't meet in person. 09:35.241 --> 09:38.411 You couldn't be jaded or skewed by the butterflies 09:38.411 --> 09:41.321 and the sparks, right, you know, that often make us think 09:41.321 --> 09:44.561 there's a real connection because there's a mystery. 09:44.561 --> 09:47.791 This allows us to spend time doing things old school. 09:47.791 --> 09:51.251 Talking on the phone for hours, you know, 09:51.251 --> 09:54.221 doing some FaceTime, which is new for this modern world, 09:54.221 --> 09:57.151 but it gives you time to cultivate more meaning 09:57.151 --> 10:00.631 and more foundational aspects and skills of a relationship. 10:00.631 --> 10:02.121 And then when you meet in person, 10:02.121 --> 10:04.731 you're socially distance, hopefully, 10:04.731 --> 10:06.621 and then it builds and it grows. 10:06.621 --> 10:08.951 And then the physicality can come later, 10:08.951 --> 10:11.611 you know, when you feel a more solid foundation, 10:11.611 --> 10:15.001 and not seeing so much with our eyes and what's stirring. 10:15.001 --> 10:16.791 Because butterflies are lies. 10:16.791 --> 10:17.624 That's my saying. 10:17.624 --> 10:20.001 Butterflies are lies. 10:20.001 --> 10:22.011 Just because you have butterflies with someone 10:22.011 --> 10:25.431 doesn't mean you have a real, deep, intrinsic connection. 10:25.431 --> 10:26.264 Yes. 10:26.264 --> 10:28.331 And that's so interesting that you say that 10:28.331 --> 10:31.021 because I brought this panel together 10:31.021 --> 10:34.421 because we're three women who are all just, you know, 10:34.421 --> 10:38.311 so, just surfacely in a lot of ways 10:38.311 --> 10:40.031 successful in all the things, right? 10:40.031 --> 10:42.421 But we also all are very conscious 10:42.421 --> 10:43.471 and very rooted and grounded 10:43.471 --> 10:46.781 in some levels of spiritual truth and balance. 10:46.781 --> 10:50.831 And, you know, we all have, are in three different stages 10:50.831 --> 10:54.051 in our development of where we are in relationships 10:54.051 --> 10:56.131 or in our relating to relationships. 10:56.131 --> 10:59.871 So, Angela, you are out there consciously dating 10:59.871 --> 11:02.061 a single beautiful woman out there, 11:02.061 --> 11:05.231 seeking and, you know, ready for that beautiful partner. 11:05.231 --> 11:09.251 And I am in a committed, loving relationship 11:09.251 --> 11:10.811 that is long distance. 11:10.811 --> 11:12.841 We'll jump into that too, and what that, you know, 11:12.841 --> 11:14.331 the parameters around that has been. 11:14.331 --> 11:17.391 And then Caryn, you have been married for over 10 years 11:17.391 --> 11:19.291 and had just two beautiful children. 11:19.291 --> 11:22.671 And, you know, we're all just at three various stages, 11:22.671 --> 11:23.991 but the stages that we're in, 11:23.991 --> 11:27.751 a lot of women and men are in right now. 11:27.751 --> 11:28.904 And that's very interesting that you brought up 11:28.904 --> 11:30.791 that we have the old school way of doing things 11:30.791 --> 11:33.801 because talking on the phone, you know, is like, 11:33.801 --> 11:35.371 I feel like everyone should be doing it. 11:35.371 --> 11:38.091 And just, you know, not even always Face Timing, 11:38.091 --> 11:39.921 but just hearing each other's voice 11:39.921 --> 11:42.201 and listening to the cadence of each other's voice, 11:42.201 --> 11:44.051 and actually getting to know each other. 11:44.051 --> 11:45.521 I think there's fun in that. 11:45.521 --> 11:46.898 It takes me back to like high school, 11:46.898 --> 11:48.224 but in middle school. 11:49.441 --> 11:52.141 But Caryn, you've been married for 10 years, 11:52.141 --> 11:54.431 and you have, like I said, two beautiful children. 11:54.431 --> 11:57.778 How has 2020 sort of impacted and shifted 11:57.778 --> 12:01.404 how you all live from day to day with your family? 12:02.671 --> 12:04.054 That's a great question. 12:05.131 --> 12:08.911 Well, I think like most of us, there was a big eruption, 12:08.911 --> 12:12.171 like a shock when the pandemic came initially. 12:12.171 --> 12:14.671 So we were all kind of trying to find our footing. 12:14.671 --> 12:15.951 Although I have a confession, 12:15.951 --> 12:19.821 I have to admit it was surreal, 12:19.821 --> 12:22.461 yet there was an aspect that I think 12:22.461 --> 12:26.251 my whole family appreciated, which is simply slowing down. 12:26.251 --> 12:29.331 Like, we were all so much on this rat race, 12:29.331 --> 12:30.501 and get up, get the kids to school, 12:30.501 --> 12:31.921 do this, do that, do that. 12:31.921 --> 12:34.241 So moments of connection were just lost. 12:34.241 --> 12:37.931 And now we were able to kind of leisurely wake up. 12:37.931 --> 12:40.651 We were able to kind of spend time and connect. 12:40.651 --> 12:42.591 So for all of those gifts, you know, 12:42.591 --> 12:47.021 I call them COVID gifts, I can appreciate that. 12:47.021 --> 12:50.771 How it's altered our relationship is I will, 12:50.771 --> 12:53.601 at the risk of sounding too optimistic, 12:53.601 --> 12:55.891 I will say that it's deepened our capacity. 12:55.891 --> 12:59.071 Now, that doesn't come without the stripe and struggle 12:59.071 --> 13:02.031 of being closely confined. 13:02.031 --> 13:04.871 We both work from home except when we're filming. 13:04.871 --> 13:07.301 And we were supposed to start shooting season three 13:07.301 --> 13:08.781 of our television series. 13:08.781 --> 13:10.581 So that came to a halt. 13:10.581 --> 13:12.481 And, you know, tension is there, 13:12.481 --> 13:13.851 and there's little annoyances, 13:13.851 --> 13:16.611 and things that you're not used to. 13:16.611 --> 13:20.261 And I think it brought us to a centering point 13:20.261 --> 13:22.091 where we do an activity, 13:22.091 --> 13:24.401 and this is from the Gottman Institute 13:24.401 --> 13:26.401 that was amplified during COVID, 13:26.401 --> 13:27.711 where we do appreciations. 13:27.711 --> 13:30.301 Where we will take a day out each week 13:30.301 --> 13:33.311 and actually honor and give thanks and appreciation. 13:33.311 --> 13:35.591 Even if it's you did the dishes, or you took the kids 13:35.591 --> 13:37.161 so I could work on this. 13:37.161 --> 13:39.901 Because those little thankless moments, 13:39.901 --> 13:43.681 I think become exasperated when you're under the stress 13:43.681 --> 13:45.391 of like a pandemic. 13:45.391 --> 13:49.721 And so you have to consciously intend to realign yourself 13:49.721 --> 13:51.171 to, well, what is working here? 13:51.171 --> 13:53.871 What can I give thanks to, thanks for? 13:53.871 --> 13:58.051 And in doing that, there's an intimacy into me you see 13:58.051 --> 13:59.641 by activating that. 13:59.641 --> 14:01.501 So to succinctly answer your question, 14:01.501 --> 14:04.261 I think it made us more conscious and aware 14:04.261 --> 14:06.021 of the need and desire to do that, 14:06.021 --> 14:07.754 to keep ourselves connected. 14:08.651 --> 14:09.541 I love that. 14:09.541 --> 14:12.341 So just the practical gratitude. 14:12.341 --> 14:13.174 Practical. 14:13.174 --> 14:14.341 And action. 14:14.341 --> 14:15.291 And action. 14:15.291 --> 14:17.301 And the next step that we would take from that 14:17.301 --> 14:20.201 after we list five things that we appreciated, 14:20.201 --> 14:21.771 it's a way of being seen also. 14:21.771 --> 14:24.441 And I think Angela, you know, can absolutely attest to this 14:24.441 --> 14:28.091 is that, you know, we wanna be held and seen 14:28.091 --> 14:29.191 in our relationships. 14:29.191 --> 14:32.551 And we're so busy in the hustle and flow of life 14:32.551 --> 14:34.541 that we forget to take those moments. 14:34.541 --> 14:38.721 And so in doing that, it allows us to be present as parents. 14:38.721 --> 14:40.591 It allows us to be present with our kids, 14:40.591 --> 14:42.091 doing family art projects, 14:42.091 --> 14:46.021 and just really trying to find the beauty of the moment, 14:46.021 --> 14:48.191 since we're understanding now in 2020 14:48.191 --> 14:51.681 that it's also transient, and it can change in an instant. 14:51.681 --> 14:55.221 So that's (indistinct) opportunity. 14:55.221 --> 14:56.161 I love that. 14:56.161 --> 14:57.181 I love that so much. 14:57.181 --> 15:00.251 And we'll talk more about like some practical tips 15:00.251 --> 15:01.781 we can give our audience at the end 15:01.781 --> 15:04.391 so that they can nurture themselves 15:04.391 --> 15:07.391 as their single individuals, and they can nurture themselves 15:07.391 --> 15:09.444 in their relationships during this time. 15:09.444 --> 15:12.151 Because I know that's been a real tough challenge 15:12.151 --> 15:13.891 for just a lot of people. 15:13.891 --> 15:14.791 But you and your husband, 15:14.791 --> 15:17.161 you guys actually work hand in hand. 15:17.161 --> 15:19.861 And I know, you know, that is what makes some people 15:19.861 --> 15:21.321 pull out their hair themselves, 15:21.321 --> 15:23.091 that they have to see this person every day 15:23.091 --> 15:25.221 and they have to work together as an actual team. 15:25.221 --> 15:26.871 You know, it's very challenging. 15:26.871 --> 15:28.681 And you guys have a show called "Monogamy," 15:28.681 --> 15:30.531 which I'm just gonna do a shameless plug, 15:30.531 --> 15:33.531 it's on umc.tv and it's also, 15:33.531 --> 15:34.701 could be streamed through Amazon. 15:34.701 --> 15:37.431 You guys just signed a worldwide distribution deal 15:37.431 --> 15:38.411 with Netflix. 15:38.411 --> 15:39.572 Congratulations. 15:39.572 --> 15:41.461 Thank you. I'm so excited. 15:41.461 --> 15:43.641 When I tell you guys like I've been binge watching 15:43.641 --> 15:45.501 the first season of the show in like two days, 15:45.501 --> 15:48.631 because I was so in love with the concept. 15:48.631 --> 15:49.621 I'm not gonna just, 15:49.621 --> 15:51.801 I'm not gonna give too much of it away. 15:51.801 --> 15:54.501 You guys have to go out and watch the show "Monogamy." 15:55.411 --> 15:56.918 But as you guys were creating that show 15:56.918 --> 15:58.491 and doing everything, like, 15:58.491 --> 16:00.341 and just working together as a team. 16:00.341 --> 16:01.871 So not even just husband and wife, 16:01.871 --> 16:04.486 but you guys are a team as well during COVID. 16:04.486 --> 16:05.319 Right. 16:05.319 --> 16:08.081 What have you all, like, learned most 16:08.081 --> 16:09.881 about each other during this time? 16:09.881 --> 16:11.231 'Cause I thought this time is teaching people 16:11.231 --> 16:12.064 about each other. 16:12.064 --> 16:13.851 Yeah, it definitely is teaching. 16:13.851 --> 16:17.121 So, Craig Ross Junior's "Monogamy", our television series 16:17.121 --> 16:21.191 is about four married couples who on the brink of divorce, 16:21.191 --> 16:23.231 it's, they've tried and exhausted everything. 16:23.231 --> 16:25.901 And so they engage in an unconventional therapy 16:25.901 --> 16:28.991 called swap therapy, where for two months, 16:28.991 --> 16:31.911 they actually exchanged spouses with the person 16:31.911 --> 16:33.751 that they think is their perfect spouse. 16:33.751 --> 16:35.641 And how that came about for Craig and I, 16:35.641 --> 16:38.411 it really came as pillow talk. 16:38.411 --> 16:40.591 One day we were in the bed talking, 16:40.591 --> 16:43.211 and I think he was on his phone doing something. 16:43.211 --> 16:45.661 And I got annoyed 'cause it was a trigger for me. 16:45.661 --> 16:49.571 And we were saying, well, my perfect husband 16:49.571 --> 16:52.331 would know to put the phone down. 16:52.331 --> 16:54.561 And he, and then we went on, well, my perfect wife 16:54.561 --> 16:55.661 would know X, Y, and Z. 16:55.661 --> 16:58.221 So that was kind of the genesis of it. 16:58.221 --> 16:59.931 And perfect, you know, I'm using in quotes. 16:59.931 --> 17:04.618 And again, it goes to understanding 17:05.991 --> 17:07.561 having a request of your partner, 17:07.561 --> 17:09.991 which is valid, and honoring that, 17:09.991 --> 17:12.911 and then having a demand and expecting them to fulfill it. 17:12.911 --> 17:14.771 So, that's just a little sidebar. 17:14.771 --> 17:15.761 Anyway, back to the show. 17:15.761 --> 17:16.594 So- 17:16.594 --> 17:17.427 (Phoenix speaks indistinctly) 17:17.427 --> 17:19.531 (indistinct) great show. 17:19.531 --> 17:22.851 And we're pregnant while we're developing it. 17:22.851 --> 17:26.071 So, we shoot season one and we'd just given birth. 17:26.071 --> 17:29.241 And so there's a lot of just newness happening 17:29.241 --> 17:30.791 because I, as Phoenix mentioned, 17:30.791 --> 17:33.041 I've done television shows off on my own. 17:33.041 --> 17:33.961 My husband has directed, 17:33.961 --> 17:35.641 he's directed a lot of network TV shows, 17:35.641 --> 17:37.671 from "NCIS" to "Prison Break." 17:37.671 --> 17:40.081 But this was our first time actually coming together 17:40.081 --> 17:42.401 as a husband and wife team. 17:42.401 --> 17:45.831 And so, it starts with a foundational respect 17:45.831 --> 17:47.371 for each other. 17:47.371 --> 17:48.981 That's just always gonna be present. 17:48.981 --> 17:50.321 We may have creative differences. 17:50.321 --> 17:52.571 We may have annoyances and pet peeves, 17:52.571 --> 17:55.791 but that foundational respect must be there. 17:55.791 --> 17:59.091 And these are my boundaries of how to communicate with me. 17:59.091 --> 18:00.831 And I'm not gonna cross them with you. 18:00.831 --> 18:02.121 So that's something that we, you know, 18:02.121 --> 18:04.011 we constantly exercise. 18:04.011 --> 18:08.511 And if we're honest, we really just love creating together. 18:08.511 --> 18:09.781 And that's part of the gift. 18:09.781 --> 18:11.301 And I think every relationship has to find 18:11.301 --> 18:12.684 their unique pearl. 18:13.691 --> 18:15.281 The things that are unique. 18:15.281 --> 18:17.621 We create, you know, we create babies together, 18:17.621 --> 18:18.881 create TV shows together. 18:18.881 --> 18:20.561 We create on every level. 18:20.561 --> 18:23.101 And so when we are amiss, we come back 18:23.101 --> 18:26.241 to that simple understanding that this is a gift 18:26.241 --> 18:29.801 that we get to share to each other, with each other, 18:29.801 --> 18:30.634 as each other. 18:30.634 --> 18:34.051 So it's kind of how we move through that. 18:34.051 --> 18:35.181 I love that. 18:35.181 --> 18:37.861 And I love that that quote of every relationship 18:37.861 --> 18:42.652 has to find that pearl, because that is so true. 18:42.652 --> 18:44.791 Yeah, (indistinct) to that. 18:44.791 --> 18:46.381 You come back to that. 18:46.381 --> 18:47.269 Yes, yes. 18:47.269 --> 18:48.721 (Caryn speaks indistinctly) 18:48.721 --> 18:51.771 And just for both of you, for Angela and Caryn, 18:51.771 --> 18:54.081 is there anything that you guys have instituted 18:54.081 --> 18:55.401 that has helped you cope better 18:55.401 --> 18:57.021 with the energy of the now? 18:57.021 --> 18:58.641 Right, things are just- 18:58.641 --> 18:59.474 Great question. 18:59.474 --> 19:01.091 There's a vibration in the air. 19:01.091 --> 19:05.364 There's tension, there's pain, there's an exacerbated fear. 19:07.041 --> 19:10.011 Things that, a lot of pain in things that people go through, 19:10.011 --> 19:13.391 it's just being amplified in a whole 'nother level, right? 19:13.391 --> 19:17.951 So how are you two just individually coping with this? 19:17.951 --> 19:19.361 And what tips can you give the audience? 19:19.361 --> 19:21.161 What are the top tips that you can give the audience 19:21.161 --> 19:23.784 for coping just as individuals right now? 19:26.621 --> 19:27.661 Angela? 19:27.661 --> 19:30.061 My first go to is my faith. 19:30.061 --> 19:33.241 I spend time in the word and I read scripture 19:33.241 --> 19:35.371 more than I ever have before every day. 19:35.371 --> 19:38.531 And so my, this time is rooted in my faith, 19:38.531 --> 19:39.671 and I'm anchored in that faith. 19:39.671 --> 19:43.251 And I think when you're anchored in, you know, faith, 19:43.251 --> 19:45.391 you have stronger coping skills. 19:45.391 --> 19:48.861 So, honestly this time has been about growing closer to God 19:48.861 --> 19:52.901 for myself, which inherently is me growing closer to myself, 19:52.901 --> 19:55.811 my purpose, my life's work, what I love doing, 19:55.811 --> 19:57.701 and do that relationship with God 19:57.701 --> 20:01.081 that I've been committed to being my partner. 20:01.081 --> 20:04.191 Everything else has just been flowing really seamlessly. 20:04.191 --> 20:05.791 I know it's a tough time for a lot of people, 20:05.791 --> 20:06.801 and it has been tough, 20:06.801 --> 20:09.291 but one of the things that has helped me so much 20:09.291 --> 20:10.991 is my relationship with God, 20:10.991 --> 20:13.541 and knowing that I don't have to do so much. 20:13.541 --> 20:17.251 I do a lot less, and I create so much more. 20:17.251 --> 20:19.551 You know, we're human beings, not human doings. 20:19.551 --> 20:21.781 And we're always doing, doing, doing. 20:21.781 --> 20:26.261 And I'm finding this beautiful balance and sacred space 20:26.261 --> 20:29.931 of doing so much less, and being so much more productive, 20:29.931 --> 20:33.101 so much more creative, and just in this amazing flow 20:33.101 --> 20:34.051 and rhythm. 20:34.051 --> 20:37.851 So, initial onset of the pandemic, there was fear. 20:37.851 --> 20:40.341 But I took my fear to my faith and I prayed over it. 20:40.341 --> 20:41.871 And I pray over everyone. 20:41.871 --> 20:43.351 And that's really what gets me through. 20:43.351 --> 20:45.391 I have to be anchored in my faith. 20:45.391 --> 20:47.581 And I journal, and I read scripture, 20:47.581 --> 20:48.881 and I share it with people. 20:48.881 --> 20:51.361 I take Bible courses. 20:51.361 --> 20:53.184 And that's my saving grace. 20:54.751 --> 20:55.891 I love that. 20:55.891 --> 20:56.726 I love that. 20:56.726 --> 20:58.291 And Caryn, what about you? 20:58.291 --> 20:59.471 I'll piggyback on that, 20:59.471 --> 21:03.141 that I think having a strong sense of connection 21:03.141 --> 21:06.201 to a power grander than yourself 21:06.201 --> 21:11.201 for me is a way to navigate these tumultous times. 21:11.431 --> 21:15.021 I'll add to that in tandem with what Angela shared. 21:15.021 --> 21:17.791 Finding rituals and practices that anchor me 21:17.791 --> 21:18.721 here in the now. 21:18.721 --> 21:20.901 I have always loved tea. 21:20.901 --> 21:23.031 And tea is a very sacred practice for me 21:23.031 --> 21:25.861 of conscious sipping and hints. 21:25.861 --> 21:28.501 I've created a platform called "MediTEAtions" 21:28.501 --> 21:31.051 because it marries my idea of self reflection 21:31.051 --> 21:33.891 and meditation with tea. 21:33.891 --> 21:37.281 Journaling, as Angela mentioned, is very big 21:37.281 --> 21:40.451 to just process out because a lot of stuck energy 21:40.451 --> 21:43.441 and thoughts and fear, you know, 21:43.441 --> 21:45.191 actually literally affects our nervous system. 21:45.191 --> 21:47.861 So if we don't allow an exit point 21:47.861 --> 21:49.781 where we can actually process the information, 21:49.781 --> 21:52.171 then we find ourselves in chronic fear, 21:52.171 --> 21:54.731 or the body will give signals, pain, headache, 21:54.731 --> 21:56.991 or our relationships will become strained 21:56.991 --> 21:59.001 because what's not being said 21:59.001 --> 22:00.501 is the thing that needs to be said. 22:00.501 --> 22:03.131 So it's, whether it's through the voice of prayer, 22:03.131 --> 22:05.141 of your prayer, of your meditation time, 22:05.141 --> 22:08.061 of a tuning and listening in, your journaling time, 22:08.061 --> 22:11.191 it's finding that for you, your own pearl. 22:11.191 --> 22:14.321 So not only in all of your relationship, your pearl. 22:14.321 --> 22:16.101 And then I'll add to that. 22:16.101 --> 22:17.501 This is the biggest thing. 22:17.501 --> 22:20.071 And this has gotten me through any challenge, 22:20.071 --> 22:23.711 any constriction, is to as best as you can, 22:23.711 --> 22:25.621 and the harder it is to do it, 22:25.621 --> 22:28.961 the more compelled you can be to do it. 22:28.961 --> 22:31.761 And that is just to find gratitude. 22:31.761 --> 22:34.961 The best prayer that we can ever give is thank you. 22:34.961 --> 22:38.081 So to find any stretch, if, and I've said this before, 22:38.081 --> 22:41.501 because with health challenges that that we can have 22:41.501 --> 22:44.941 on another podcast, associated with my pregnancy, 22:44.941 --> 22:48.331 I literally had to go to the place of giving thanks 22:48.331 --> 22:50.731 if and when I could use the restroom. 22:50.731 --> 22:53.751 So something as simple as your body is functioning, 22:53.751 --> 22:55.641 you're not telling your heart to beat, 22:55.641 --> 22:57.091 or your chest to breathe. 22:57.091 --> 22:58.271 So you're able to breathe. 22:58.271 --> 22:59.581 If you had a meal today. 22:59.581 --> 23:01.451 So even if it gets really bad, 23:01.451 --> 23:03.064 then you have to just find the simplest things, 23:03.064 --> 23:06.161 that I could hear a bird singing outside. 23:06.161 --> 23:08.441 And if I can hear that, I'm breathing, 23:08.441 --> 23:10.161 and if I'm breathing, that means there's hope. 23:10.161 --> 23:12.511 And I don't know the way, I can't see the way, 23:12.511 --> 23:14.571 but there's a way that this can work out for me. 23:14.571 --> 23:17.171 So sometimes you have to take it on that level 23:17.171 --> 23:20.341 when things are seemingly so constricted 23:20.341 --> 23:23.511 and forces seem so strong. 23:23.511 --> 23:24.385 I love that. 23:24.385 --> 23:25.218 Nice job there. 23:25.218 --> 23:26.051 Listen, 23:26.051 --> 23:26.884 (Caryn laughs) 23:26.884 --> 23:29.411 you better drop these gems on people. 23:29.411 --> 23:31.891 And I wanna pivot just a little bit back to you, Angela, 23:31.891 --> 23:35.361 about what are the top to-do's 23:35.361 --> 23:38.391 if someone is single in this time 23:38.391 --> 23:40.991 when they're seeking to create a purposeful connection 23:40.991 --> 23:41.824 with someone? 23:41.824 --> 23:43.891 And then what are some top don'ts? 23:43.891 --> 23:45.364 What should they watch? 23:45.364 --> 23:46.197 Okay. 23:46.197 --> 23:47.245 I love that question. 23:47.245 --> 23:48.378 (Phoenix laughs) 23:48.378 --> 23:51.521 The first do is, you know, really take an assessment 23:51.521 --> 23:54.711 of where you are in the relationship with yourself 23:54.711 --> 23:56.331 before you, that's where it starts. 23:56.331 --> 23:58.981 The genesis has begin with you before you start thinking 23:58.981 --> 24:00.951 about a connection with someone else. 24:00.951 --> 24:03.611 Do you feel good about yourself on a day to day? 24:03.611 --> 24:05.561 Do you like who you are and the woman 24:05.561 --> 24:07.711 or the person you're becoming, right? 24:07.711 --> 24:09.281 Do you find purpose in your life? 24:09.281 --> 24:10.471 Do you feel fulfilled? 24:10.471 --> 24:12.148 And when you feel that you can say yes to that, 24:12.148 --> 24:14.531 and you're not seeking validation, 24:14.531 --> 24:16.541 you got to get out there and date, right? 24:16.541 --> 24:19.131 The conscious dating that is being intentional. 24:19.131 --> 24:21.338 And you know, I hear from clients all over the world, 24:21.338 --> 24:22.901 "Oh, the men in my city are this. 24:22.901 --> 24:24.261 The women in my city are this." 24:24.261 --> 24:25.891 Well, really? 24:25.891 --> 24:27.991 Everywhere you go, there's just no one there, 24:27.991 --> 24:28.824 and there's almost- 24:28.824 --> 24:29.727 About 8 billion people- 24:29.727 --> 24:32.551 8 billion people in the world but there's no one? 24:32.551 --> 24:34.561 And it's really a narrative that needs to shift. 24:34.561 --> 24:36.871 You're only searching for one person. 24:36.871 --> 24:39.051 Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. 24:39.051 --> 24:41.711 If you focus on the mindset that there's a scarcity 24:41.711 --> 24:43.361 of good people out there to date, 24:43.361 --> 24:45.121 that's going to be your experience. 24:45.121 --> 24:49.001 If you focus on online dating is terrible, I hate it, 24:49.001 --> 24:50.701 that's going to be your experience. 24:50.701 --> 24:53.201 It's such a mindset shift in everything that we do. 24:53.201 --> 24:54.621 Think positively. 24:54.621 --> 24:57.251 Get out there and date online. 24:57.251 --> 24:59.721 Online dating is the perfect platform 24:59.721 --> 25:04.221 to increase your dating pool, to gain experience, practice. 25:04.221 --> 25:06.184 Like, you know, you just wanna jump into a relationship 25:06.184 --> 25:10.521 and you have no practice or skills and communication, 25:10.521 --> 25:13.371 and being vulnerable, and rejection, 25:13.371 --> 25:15.291 or letting someone else know you're not interested. 25:15.291 --> 25:18.021 So practice dating, make it curious, 25:18.021 --> 25:21.001 make it fun, and not be so attached to the outcome 25:21.001 --> 25:23.191 each time you go out with someone. 25:23.191 --> 25:24.461 They're the one, they're the one. 25:24.461 --> 25:26.546 Well, we always, we plan the wedding, 25:26.546 --> 25:28.881 and everyone's like, and men are licensed then 25:28.881 --> 25:30.640 to have all of my children. 25:30.640 --> 25:31.781 It happens in the first- 25:31.781 --> 25:33.005 I've been there, I've been there. 25:33.005 --> 25:34.901 And then when you don't get that call back, 25:34.901 --> 25:37.361 you're so disappointed and it hurts. 25:37.361 --> 25:39.501 Remove that, you know, 25:39.501 --> 25:42.591 and just remove that, and just have fun. 25:42.591 --> 25:44.681 And I know that seems like really simple, 25:44.681 --> 25:46.631 but that really is the game changer, 25:46.631 --> 25:47.741 is I'm gonna go out there, 25:47.741 --> 25:49.671 and it's a self discovery journey. 25:49.671 --> 25:52.391 I'm gonna learn about myself by seeing who shows up 25:52.391 --> 25:54.491 and how I show up in that relationship. 25:54.491 --> 25:56.821 And then I have my clients come back and say, 25:56.821 --> 25:58.801 learn something about yourself. 25:58.801 --> 26:01.091 Learn one thing about yourself through your day. 26:01.091 --> 26:03.051 And if you learned anything, 26:03.051 --> 26:05.351 then that date was not a waste of time. 26:05.351 --> 26:06.841 My biggest, yeah, right? 26:06.841 --> 26:10.121 My biggest don'ts is don't sit home watching Netflix 26:10.121 --> 26:12.561 expecting for someone to show up. 26:12.561 --> 26:15.344 Just magically walk through the door, just (indistinct). 26:15.344 --> 26:17.251 You know, you have to use strategy 26:17.251 --> 26:18.668 and intention now in dating. 26:18.668 --> 26:20.081 And the most important decision, 26:20.081 --> 26:21.641 Caryn, I'm sure you can attest to this, 26:21.641 --> 26:23.961 choosing a life partner is the most important decision 26:23.961 --> 26:24.991 you will make. 26:24.991 --> 26:27.471 And becoming a parent is one of the other choices. 26:27.471 --> 26:28.961 Be strategic, right? 26:28.961 --> 26:29.794 Plan. 26:29.794 --> 26:31.471 You know, we do continuing education 26:31.471 --> 26:32.521 for anything else we want. 26:32.521 --> 26:34.651 We do vocational training for anything we want. 26:34.651 --> 26:37.741 But when it comes to relationship, we just, 26:37.741 --> 26:38.791 well, I'm human. 26:38.791 --> 26:41.271 I'm just, it's my birthright to just be a connection. 26:41.271 --> 26:42.521 No. 26:42.521 --> 26:45.531 We are, well, it is our birthright to be a human connection, 26:45.531 --> 26:47.691 but we're not hardwired for a relationship. 26:47.691 --> 26:49.751 Good relationships requires skill. 26:49.751 --> 26:51.751 So get out there dating. 26:51.751 --> 26:55.261 Don't attach an outcome to each person you go out with. 26:55.261 --> 26:56.561 Don't ghost anyone. 26:56.561 --> 27:00.261 Show up in the same integrity that you wanna be treated. 27:00.261 --> 27:02.721 Be non-judgmental towards yourself. 27:02.721 --> 27:05.371 You know, it's so easy to sabotage and say, 27:05.371 --> 27:07.761 well, it's easy to say, "I wanna be in a relationship. 27:07.761 --> 27:08.901 I wanna be married." 27:08.901 --> 27:10.191 And then every person who comes, 27:10.191 --> 27:11.871 you find a reason to sabotage it. 27:11.871 --> 27:13.431 Yeah, yeah. 27:13.431 --> 27:16.331 Be aware of how you're sabotaging, you know. 27:16.331 --> 27:19.121 I say date multiples, get out there and see who you are, 27:19.121 --> 27:21.611 discover parts of yourself that you may not have, 27:21.611 --> 27:24.471 you know, revealed or been in touch with. 27:24.471 --> 27:27.351 And just have fun. 27:27.351 --> 27:30.391 It's that curiosity and lightness that attracts that energy 27:30.391 --> 27:31.461 towards you. 27:31.461 --> 27:32.531 That's true. 27:32.531 --> 27:34.271 And Caryn, on your end, 27:34.271 --> 27:37.251 as someone who is married and coupled up, 27:37.251 --> 27:40.541 what would you say are some just to-do's, 27:40.541 --> 27:43.241 practical to-do's for any married couple 27:43.241 --> 27:45.511 who are now confined in for a while. 27:45.511 --> 27:50.194 So you probably wanna step on each other's toes on purpose. 27:51.380 --> 27:53.101 What are some to-do, like, 27:53.101 --> 27:55.261 what are things that they should just not do? 27:55.261 --> 27:56.841 What could we just talk through things 27:56.841 --> 27:59.251 that they just should not engage in 27:59.251 --> 28:01.931 if they wanna be successful right now? 28:01.931 --> 28:03.971 Hmm, those are really good questions. 28:03.971 --> 28:07.841 I think one of you mentioned about getting curious. 28:07.841 --> 28:09.181 Maybe Angela mentioned that. 28:09.181 --> 28:13.294 I think arousing that curiosity gene, 28:13.294 --> 28:17.871 and going on a journey, a hunt to discover new things 28:17.871 --> 28:21.571 about each other, new ways of connecting, 28:21.571 --> 28:24.391 even if it's, you know, something silly, 28:24.391 --> 28:27.301 like going off to the bathroom together 28:27.301 --> 28:28.671 and sharing a Twinkie. 28:28.671 --> 28:29.921 I don't eat Twinkies, 28:29.921 --> 28:32.564 but by way of exaggeration, an example. 28:33.521 --> 28:35.561 Something, you know, kind of off the cuff 28:35.561 --> 28:37.261 that you wouldn't do just to create 28:37.261 --> 28:38.701 these kind of little moments, 28:38.701 --> 28:42.111 because one thing that helps me when I'm in something 28:42.111 --> 28:44.021 that doesn't feel good is to think about 28:44.021 --> 28:45.841 how I'm going to talk about it. 28:45.841 --> 28:48.318 Because we inevitably will all come back to this moment 28:48.318 --> 28:49.854 and say, "Remember, it's funny, it's funny, 28:49.854 --> 28:51.761 when we did X, Y, and Z." 28:51.761 --> 28:53.861 So you wanna load in those remember the time 28:53.861 --> 28:55.301 when we snuck off in the closet 28:55.301 --> 28:56.569 and did whatever we did, or... 28:56.569 --> 28:58.001 (Phoenix laughs) 28:58.001 --> 29:00.431 So, find ways to get curious 29:00.431 --> 29:03.331 and to use the momentum of the moment 29:03.331 --> 29:07.041 to create connection in a different way. 29:07.041 --> 29:08.841 As I mentioned before, we, you know, 29:08.841 --> 29:12.451 we put on some music and have family art projects, you know, 29:12.451 --> 29:13.891 husband and I will have a little vino. 29:13.891 --> 29:17.591 So it becomes like this finding the fun 29:17.591 --> 29:21.471 in this crazy, unpredictable time. 29:21.471 --> 29:25.271 So as a couple, if you can have a goal to do that, 29:25.271 --> 29:27.781 or just, you know, create a chart or something. 29:27.781 --> 29:29.961 Something for the, just, it doesn't matter what it is. 29:29.961 --> 29:31.491 It's the intention behind it 29:31.491 --> 29:33.911 as we've been talking about intentionality. 29:33.911 --> 29:36.601 And it's hard for me to speak on the don'ts 29:36.601 --> 29:39.721 because obviously every marriage has their own rules. 29:39.721 --> 29:43.601 But you don't want to compromise who you are, obviously, 29:43.601 --> 29:47.341 for the, I don't wanna say for the greater good, 29:47.341 --> 29:49.271 but you don't wanna go against who you are. 29:49.271 --> 29:51.341 Because then now you've built up resentment, 29:51.341 --> 29:52.671 and judgments, and so forth. 29:52.671 --> 29:55.521 So it's really important to stay conscious 29:55.521 --> 29:57.601 and aware of what you're feeling, 29:57.601 --> 30:00.401 and find times to express that in a healthy way 30:00.401 --> 30:02.411 so that your partner can receive it 30:02.411 --> 30:05.191 and not use this time to, you know, layer on 30:05.191 --> 30:09.241 levels of resentment that post COVID, everybody explodes 30:09.241 --> 30:12.381 because you didn't handle and deal with whatever's gone. 30:12.381 --> 30:13.641 And it can be an entry point. 30:13.641 --> 30:15.481 You know, babe, I'm feeling right now, 30:15.481 --> 30:16.701 I'm feeling really anxious. 30:16.701 --> 30:18.241 You know, it could be the virus. 30:18.241 --> 30:19.251 It could be other things. 30:19.251 --> 30:21.041 But I wanna come to you. 30:21.041 --> 30:23.591 I don't necessarily know how to fix that. 30:23.591 --> 30:24.701 I'm not asking you to fix it, 30:24.701 --> 30:25.841 but I just want to create a space 30:25.841 --> 30:28.201 that I'm feeling X, Y, and Z. 30:28.201 --> 30:29.331 How are you feeling right now? 30:29.331 --> 30:31.291 Just kind of softening the space 30:31.291 --> 30:34.591 so that there can be a moment of connection 30:34.591 --> 30:37.511 instead of disconnection and time where we're all feeling, 30:37.511 --> 30:41.251 you know, whatever we're feeling during this time, so. 30:41.251 --> 30:42.084 Right. 30:42.084 --> 30:43.121 No, I, yes, you're right. 30:43.121 --> 30:48.011 And it's interesting that you all are saying 30:48.011 --> 30:48.844 all of these things. 30:48.844 --> 30:49.731 These are such good nuggets. 30:49.731 --> 30:50.564 Thank you ladies. 30:50.564 --> 30:52.541 Thank you ladies so much (indistinct). 30:52.541 --> 30:55.451 Because people single in, you know, 30:55.451 --> 30:57.241 now the new word is entanglement, 30:57.241 --> 30:59.811 in an entanglement, or what may have you, 30:59.811 --> 31:03.258 people are struggling with just some base level skillsets. 31:03.258 --> 31:05.381 And Angela, you spoke to us about, you know, 31:05.381 --> 31:07.441 being in a relationship is a skillset. 31:07.441 --> 31:08.691 And it's something that isn't taught. 31:08.691 --> 31:11.411 And a lot of us as well is something that we don't see 31:11.411 --> 31:12.244 growing up. 31:12.244 --> 31:13.468 I even have a friend whose parents been married 31:13.468 --> 31:15.861 for 36 years, but he never even saw one 31:15.861 --> 31:17.981 like hug and kiss, right? 31:17.981 --> 31:19.191 The affection and the nurturing. 31:19.191 --> 31:21.911 So, there's things that I think all of us 31:21.911 --> 31:23.248 have to of course grow and learn. 31:23.248 --> 31:26.728 And for, I just wanna chime in a little bit on that 31:26.728 --> 31:30.444 in the sense that I am sort of in between you all, 31:30.444 --> 31:32.601 because I'm in a committed relationship. 31:32.601 --> 31:34.301 But we are long distance. 31:34.301 --> 31:38.728 And we have definitely taken lots of years of in and out 31:38.728 --> 31:41.801 and other things to get to this space. 31:41.801 --> 31:44.951 I definitely at some points, Angela, you'd be proud of me, 31:44.951 --> 31:46.971 I definitely have gone through conscious dating 31:46.971 --> 31:49.111 or at least what I thought was at different times. 31:49.111 --> 31:51.841 But then there were times where I just was out 31:51.841 --> 31:53.401 to just have fun and explore 31:53.401 --> 31:56.751 and sort of learn a little bit more about Phoenix. 31:56.751 --> 31:59.921 And then there's the various mirrors that would pop up 31:59.921 --> 32:01.231 in other people. 32:01.231 --> 32:03.261 And, you know, during COVID, 32:03.261 --> 32:05.071 it's had been a really tough time for us 32:05.071 --> 32:06.491 for various reasons, you know, 32:06.491 --> 32:09.541 that we don't have to just step into right now. 32:09.541 --> 32:12.781 But when you are building with someone, 32:12.781 --> 32:14.531 but you're far apart, and then a pandemic hit, 32:14.531 --> 32:17.081 and now you can't even be there for each other 32:17.081 --> 32:19.261 in physical proximity to what you need, 32:19.261 --> 32:20.451 it was tough for a while. 32:20.451 --> 32:23.331 And a few months ago, because of circumstances, 32:23.331 --> 32:25.991 we were forced to say, okay, we have to travel 32:25.991 --> 32:27.361 back and forth as much as possible 32:27.361 --> 32:29.141 and make sure we spend that time. 32:29.141 --> 32:32.221 But I know what got us through sort of that first shutdown 32:32.221 --> 32:35.591 was definitely the communication. 32:35.591 --> 32:36.424 We would be on the phone 32:36.424 --> 32:37.541 for three to four hours some nights. 32:37.541 --> 32:40.061 When I tell you it felt like high school all over again. 32:40.061 --> 32:41.741 And I've been knowing this person for nine years. 32:41.741 --> 32:43.381 So it's not like I'm necessarily knowing, 32:43.381 --> 32:46.171 getting to learn anything brand new. 32:46.171 --> 32:49.081 But I've actually learned a lot of things about him 32:49.081 --> 32:51.971 and even about myself digging into his perception. 32:51.971 --> 32:54.051 And when you have a yin and yang with someone 32:54.051 --> 32:56.974 and you're totally opposite in how you see the world, 32:56.974 --> 33:01.311 you really grow as you dig into perspectives. 33:01.311 --> 33:02.491 And so I would even challenge people 33:02.491 --> 33:05.621 to continue to get to know someone 33:05.621 --> 33:08.761 who you may not be a hundred percent 33:08.761 --> 33:11.121 you guys don't think the same, or see the world the same 33:11.121 --> 33:12.801 because you could expand. 33:12.801 --> 33:15.301 You can open yourself up and open them up 33:15.301 --> 33:16.901 to another way of thinking in life. 33:16.901 --> 33:19.561 And I think this time, this year is about that as well. 33:19.561 --> 33:24.401 It's about us opening ourselves up, evolving, expanding. 33:24.401 --> 33:27.501 And you know, the, just the communication, 33:27.501 --> 33:30.858 hours of communication, and making sure that that connection 33:30.858 --> 33:35.091 is still forged deeply so that we can get to the next level 33:35.091 --> 33:36.121 when things open up. 33:36.121 --> 33:39.041 So that we can, you know, foster and nurture 33:39.041 --> 33:40.601 what each other needs. 33:40.601 --> 33:41.861 It's just been paramount. 33:41.861 --> 33:44.771 So I would offer as well my little tidbit, 33:44.771 --> 33:47.271 as someone in the middle, to people, it's just that 33:47.271 --> 33:49.681 don't be afraid to spend that time, 33:49.681 --> 33:51.711 to, you know, it is a work in progress. 33:51.711 --> 33:53.731 Like, spend that time getting to know someone. 33:53.731 --> 33:57.361 Spend that time away from texts, away from social media, 33:57.361 --> 34:00.401 and actually engage with the person 34:00.401 --> 34:03.357 that you say that you like, or love, or whatever. 34:03.357 --> 34:07.884 (indistinct) Can you guys hear me okay? 34:08.791 --> 34:11.281 I wanna add something to that 34:11.281 --> 34:13.651 that I think isn't a part of the conversation 34:13.651 --> 34:15.351 for married couples or single people 34:15.351 --> 34:18.161 is to get the support that you need. 34:18.161 --> 34:20.171 Marriage therapy is wonderful. 34:20.171 --> 34:23.291 We have a conscious therapist that can guide us 34:23.291 --> 34:24.661 and navigate through this. 34:24.661 --> 34:26.281 Find someone like Angela. 34:26.281 --> 34:27.424 Get the support, get the closure. 34:27.424 --> 34:28.401 Like we talked about, 34:28.401 --> 34:31.101 we get training for every other aspect of our lives, 34:31.101 --> 34:32.799 but we all have, you know, 34:32.799 --> 34:36.991 a foundational template of what relationships should be 34:36.991 --> 34:40.331 and what love should be stemming from childhood, 34:40.331 --> 34:41.921 whether our needs were met or not. 34:41.921 --> 34:43.771 And a lot of it is unconscious. 34:43.771 --> 34:46.196 And so without the mirror 34:46.196 --> 34:50.621 of a professional trained therapist, or coach, or a guide, 34:50.621 --> 34:52.661 it can be really easy to get caught up 34:52.661 --> 34:54.641 in this cycle of them, them, them. 34:54.641 --> 34:57.007 And so you find yourself dating the same person 34:57.007 --> 34:58.671 over and over again with the same name, 34:58.671 --> 34:59.828 or saying things like, 34:59.828 --> 35:01.701 "Oh, I can't find any good men or women." 35:01.701 --> 35:03.491 Well, look, if you keep running into that, 35:03.491 --> 35:05.441 there's one common denominator, that's you. 35:05.441 --> 35:07.791 So there's that stuff from a place of shame 35:07.791 --> 35:08.761 or blaming yourself 35:08.761 --> 35:11.201 because that's not healthy or productive, 35:11.201 --> 35:14.001 but it's from a place of taking honest stock and reflection 35:14.001 --> 35:16.711 and saying, "Hmm, what could be some of the patterns 35:16.711 --> 35:18.831 that I'm duplicating in my, 35:18.831 --> 35:21.521 that I'm seeing duplicated in my relationships or dating, 35:21.521 --> 35:23.261 and how can I help them?" 35:23.261 --> 35:25.291 And that goes for married couples too, like. 35:25.291 --> 35:26.124 Yes. 35:26.124 --> 35:26.957 That's when it really starts. 35:26.957 --> 35:29.331 Like I saw, I'm a big advocate of that. 35:29.331 --> 35:32.001 And I think there's a lot of stigma associated with that. 35:32.001 --> 35:33.441 And so I'm here. 35:33.441 --> 35:36.741 Part of my work and opportunity is to kind of demystify that 35:36.741 --> 35:38.001 and normalize it. 35:38.001 --> 35:40.943 Like, get the support, get the coaching. 35:40.943 --> 35:41.776 So. 35:41.776 --> 35:43.761 So, I, and thank you for saying that 35:43.761 --> 35:46.922 because me and my partner are both in therapy. 35:46.922 --> 35:49.681 Like, we are both, and we've had to be, 35:49.681 --> 35:52.311 because of our circumstances of losing a child recently. 35:52.311 --> 35:55.041 We've had to, being physically apart, 35:55.041 --> 35:57.351 losing a child to stillbirth. 35:57.351 --> 35:59.951 Like there's certain things you can't run from. 35:59.951 --> 36:01.361 So people are already trying to run 36:01.361 --> 36:02.591 from what's happening in the world. 36:02.591 --> 36:04.581 But when you have extreme circumstances 36:04.581 --> 36:07.591 that happened at home, close to home in your heart, 36:07.591 --> 36:08.721 you have to get that fixed. 36:08.721 --> 36:13.671 And we, I would probably be, you know, lost (laughs) 36:13.671 --> 36:16.951 if I didn't have just someone who was there 36:16.951 --> 36:19.931 to back me up emotionally in therapy. 36:19.931 --> 36:22.371 You know, I had the spiritual tools 36:22.371 --> 36:24.961 to get past some of the things that I was feeling. 36:24.961 --> 36:27.041 And, you know, 'cause obviously I've been, unfortunately, 36:27.041 --> 36:28.281 I've had trauma throughout my whole life, 36:28.281 --> 36:29.491 so I'm able to deal with it. 36:29.491 --> 36:31.691 And I've dealt with therapy with things my whole life. 36:31.691 --> 36:35.001 But it's, but I had to go in even a level deeper. 36:35.001 --> 36:35.841 And my partner did too. 36:35.841 --> 36:37.304 And he was in therapy for the first time. 36:37.304 --> 36:39.411 And it has just been so life changing. 36:39.411 --> 36:42.541 So yes, thank you Caryn so much, because there is a stigma. 36:42.541 --> 36:44.321 But in our country where we have 36:44.321 --> 36:46.974 over 30,000 suicides a year, 36:48.751 --> 36:50.671 that's I think be the fact 36:50.671 --> 36:52.241 that we're not talking about it enough. 36:52.241 --> 36:55.441 And, you know, it's a very real thing. 36:55.441 --> 36:57.731 So thank you so much for really bringing that up. 36:57.731 --> 36:59.221 That is so true. 36:59.221 --> 37:04.091 And I wanna give you ladies a quick moment to plug in 37:04.091 --> 37:07.451 where people can actually find you all. 37:07.451 --> 37:10.181 And we'll, and I, as we will have more conversations 37:10.181 --> 37:13.611 with these two ladies specifically and individually 37:13.611 --> 37:15.191 at "Fly with Phoenix" podcasts 37:15.191 --> 37:17.801 and the flywithphoenix.tv website. 37:17.801 --> 37:19.251 So you guys can go there in the future 37:19.251 --> 37:22.711 and actually see even more, you know, content 37:22.711 --> 37:25.151 revolved around these ladies and what they have to bring. 37:25.151 --> 37:26.481 But I want you all to share, 37:26.481 --> 37:29.021 where can individuals find you, Angela? 37:29.021 --> 37:32.791 And where can individuals find you and your shows, Caryn? 37:32.791 --> 37:34.061 Sure, thank you for asking. 37:34.061 --> 37:35.401 And I've had such a wonderful time. 37:35.401 --> 37:37.631 And if you don't mind, I just wanted to just add 37:37.631 --> 37:40.581 it is so important to normalize seeking help and therapy 37:40.581 --> 37:42.031 for relationships. 37:42.031 --> 37:44.171 You know, why is it that we go to a doctor 37:44.171 --> 37:45.591 for our physical health? 37:45.591 --> 37:48.081 We'll see a therapist, maybe, for our mental health. 37:48.081 --> 37:49.561 We'll go to a trainer 37:49.561 --> 37:51.551 when we want to get our bodies in shape. 37:51.551 --> 37:53.601 We'll go to a spa to get our skin 37:53.601 --> 37:55.591 and esthetician to get our skin in shape. 37:55.591 --> 37:58.351 But a relationship we leave it to guesswork 37:58.351 --> 38:00.121 and like winging it. 38:00.121 --> 38:01.121 We just wing it. 38:01.121 --> 38:02.011 And we don't have to. 38:02.011 --> 38:03.741 There are experts and professionals 38:03.741 --> 38:06.671 that are here to teach practical tools and strategies. 38:06.671 --> 38:08.251 And Caryn, have you ever thought about 38:08.251 --> 38:09.637 being a dating coach over there? 38:09.637 --> 38:11.446 (Angela and Caryn laughing) 38:11.446 --> 38:12.279 You know what? 38:12.279 --> 38:14.241 I kind of do in our TV show, which I'll talk about, 38:14.241 --> 38:15.378 but thank you. 38:15.378 --> 38:18.341 (indistinct) actually, I kind of do it in the show. 38:18.341 --> 38:20.130 But yeah, let's talk (laughs). 38:20.130 --> 38:21.488 I hear myself talking like, 38:21.488 --> 38:23.250 "Well, she makes a darn good coach." 38:23.250 --> 38:24.951 (Angela laughs) 38:24.951 --> 38:26.641 So yes, thank you Phoenix for asking that. 38:26.641 --> 38:29.061 You can find me on lovesanctuary.com. 38:29.061 --> 38:32.261 And from that is the umbrella of all the other things 38:32.261 --> 38:33.094 that I do. 38:33.094 --> 38:36.671 I'm most visible on Instagram, Angela N. Holton, 38:36.671 --> 38:38.661 and you'll find all the things that I'm working on. 38:38.661 --> 38:40.831 Retreats, workshops, courses. 38:40.831 --> 38:43.391 I do teach an online course for conscious dating. 38:43.391 --> 38:46.571 And it's, you know, dating is in quotation marks. 38:46.571 --> 38:48.211 And Caryn, I'm sure you can attest to this, 38:48.211 --> 38:51.281 that the conscious dating method is about dating yourself 38:51.281 --> 38:52.701 no matter what stage in the game 38:52.701 --> 38:53.841 that you're in a relationship. 38:53.841 --> 38:55.991 Whether you're single and you wanna be alone, 38:55.991 --> 38:59.431 single and you wanna meet someone, in an entanglement, 38:59.431 --> 39:01.471 in a committed partnership like you, Phoenix, 39:01.471 --> 39:02.481 or married for 10 years. 39:02.481 --> 39:04.781 You're always going back to self. 39:04.781 --> 39:06.591 Always to that committed relationship. 39:06.591 --> 39:08.521 So thank you so much for this opportunity 39:08.521 --> 39:10.771 to share the work that I'm so passionate about. 39:10.771 --> 39:11.801 Of course, thank you. 39:11.801 --> 39:12.821 And I'm glad you're doing it. 39:12.821 --> 39:14.969 Like, people need this, right? 39:14.969 --> 39:17.741 People need what you have to offer. 39:17.741 --> 39:18.574 That's all (indistinct) 39:18.574 --> 39:19.661 Thank you so much, Angela. 39:19.661 --> 39:21.841 And Caryn, where can people find you? 39:21.841 --> 39:24.421 Absolutely, so I am on all social channels 39:24.421 --> 39:26.121 as Caryn Ward Ross. 39:26.121 --> 39:29.381 And that's Caryn spelled C A R Y N. 39:29.381 --> 39:32.431 Like Angela, I'm most active on Instagram, 39:32.431 --> 39:34.841 although that's switching because I have a podcast 39:34.841 --> 39:38.361 called "MediTEAtions with Caryn," and that's tea. 39:38.361 --> 39:40.394 T E A, like sipping, drinking. 39:41.341 --> 39:43.451 And I have, you know, my shows 39:43.451 --> 39:45.581 that you can find on my platforms. 39:45.581 --> 39:47.001 Some wonderful guests, but it's, 39:47.001 --> 39:49.341 the conversation is all around being consciousness, 39:49.341 --> 39:51.601 intentionality to your life, 39:51.601 --> 39:54.611 and really looking at how we can take ownership 39:54.611 --> 39:57.021 and responsibility of our gifts and our own healing 39:57.021 --> 40:00.301 so that we can deliver the gifts that we were born to do 40:00.301 --> 40:01.134 on this planet. 40:01.134 --> 40:04.621 So that's, you know, all part of my deal. 40:04.621 --> 40:07.491 And then, as Phoenix was mentioning, our show, 40:07.491 --> 40:10.441 Craig Ross Junior's "Monogamy" is also on Instagram. 40:10.441 --> 40:12.671 And my husband and I really believe 40:12.671 --> 40:14.331 relationships are our mirrors. 40:14.331 --> 40:17.858 So that is kind of what undergirds that show. 40:17.858 --> 40:20.011 And I have another show in development with my husband 40:20.011 --> 40:21.311 centered around relationships, 40:21.311 --> 40:24.331 but it's really this idea that the people in your life 40:24.331 --> 40:27.010 reflect parts of ourselves that are whole, 40:27.010 --> 40:29.531 and, you know, that's wounded. 40:29.531 --> 40:31.501 And that's the rub, that's the drama. 40:31.501 --> 40:34.711 That's why we make drama series, so we can get out wounds 40:34.711 --> 40:36.401 and have a conversation about it. 40:36.401 --> 40:38.697 And, you know, Craig Ross Junior's "Monogamy", 40:38.697 --> 40:41.871 the series is really about getting some perspective 40:41.871 --> 40:43.341 because a lot of times on a relationship 40:43.341 --> 40:46.331 you may need distance and perspective to see it more clearly 40:46.331 --> 40:48.421 so that you can come back to yourself 40:48.421 --> 40:50.191 because the most important relationship we all have 40:50.191 --> 40:52.651 is with ourselves, as Angela was saying. 40:52.651 --> 40:55.725 So, that's my little spiel (giggles). 40:55.725 --> 40:56.558 Thank you. 40:56.558 --> 40:57.488 And thank you so much, ladies. 40:57.488 --> 41:01.221 And again, you all, I am Phoenix Jackson. 41:01.221 --> 41:03.601 And I'm a speaker and author as well, 41:03.601 --> 41:05.481 and the CCO of Phoenix Affect. 41:05.481 --> 41:08.321 And you guys can find this plus more 41:08.321 --> 41:09.234 at flywithphoenix.tv. 41:11.381 --> 41:13.151 Thank you so much for being here. 41:13.151 --> 41:14.341 I really appreciate you ladies. 41:14.341 --> 41:15.641 Again, I love you so much. 41:15.641 --> 41:17.071 Thank you for sharing your love, 41:17.071 --> 41:19.761 sharing your wisdom with the audience. 41:19.761 --> 41:22.895 They, I know they're gonna get so, so many pearls of wisdom. 41:22.895 --> 41:24.444 So thank you all so much. 41:24.444 --> 41:25.522 Thanks for the opportunity. 41:25.522 --> 41:26.775 Thank you, bye Phoenix. 41:26.775 --> 41:28.559 (indistinct chatter) 41:28.559 --> 41:29.700 Thank you so much. 41:29.700 --> 41:32.117 (soft music)