(soft music)
Hello, I'm Phoenix Jackson
of Fly with Phoenix and the Phoenix Affect.
And I wanna thank you all for joining me here today
for the Invisible Disabilities Association's
first annual Love Ideas Conference.
You've heard that right.
It's Love Ideas here in 2020.
Now we have some great conversation for you all,
ladies and gentlemen alike.
And I have two beautiful ladies with me,
who I just adore and our respect for all the knowledge
and wisdom and the truth that they're spreading out
on their platforms.
All revolve around love, relationships,
and everything in between.
So we'll talk about who I am a little bit more later,
but I wanna dive into who these beautiful ladies are.
Hi ladies.
Thank you guys for joining me so right here today.
Thank you.
Hello. Thank you for having us.
Hello.
So, I'm gonna start here with Caryn, Caryn Ward Ross.
And I'm sure some of you all have,
you just recognize her beautiful face,
but she is just one of the top producers,
executive producers, actresses that have been out here
for a very long time.
I mean, she's been in the industry
in entertainment for so long.
I know she was very, very, very, very young.
She's like, she looks like she's like 15 (laughs).
But she's-
I'll take that, I'll take that.
(Phoenix laughs)
But she's been in this industry for so long.
And she's been on some of our favorite shows,
"The Game," HBO's "Entourage," "Jane the Virgin," "Lucifer."
But very recently her and her husband, Craig Ross,
Craig Ross Junior, they formed a show called "Monogamy"
which is very much revolved around marriage
and relationships.
And I have learned so much watching that show.
And we're gonna dive into that a little bit later as well.
But welcome Caryn.
Thank you for being here.
Is there anything else you wanna share about yourself
to the audience here?
I am excited to be here.
This is such a special treat.
This conversation is gonna be electrifying.
And a little random tidbit,
I really, really, really love chocolate chip cookies.
So, if anyone wants to demonstrate love for me,
that's my love language.
I just (indistinct).
(Caryn and Phoenix laughing)
I love that, I love that.
And last but not least, I wanna introduce Angela Holton.
She is an awesome friend of mine as well,
who was just named by Yahoo Finance
as one of the top 10 relationship coaches of 2020.
And she's an international dating and relationship expert,
speaker, and trainer, certified coach.
So she's the author and founder of Love Sanctuary.
And not only, you know, has she authored materials and books
and have spoken on BET Her and other platforms
about conscious love and conscious dating,
but she also, you know, has put together summits
that have been revolved around self-healing and self-love,
'cause, right, you gotta get to that space first
before you can even step into conscious loving,
conscious dating.
So I wanna thank you for being here, Angela, as well,
and audience let's welcome her.
And Angela, please tell us something about yourself as well
as we get started.
You know what, thank you so much for having me.
And I'm just gonna echo Caryn.
Caryn, you and I are gonna get along famously,
'cause I love anything chocolate, like,
(Caryn laughing)
that is one of my pleasure principles.
I have a little chocolate chip cookie
or a little piece of chocolate.
I'm so excited to be here, Phoenix.
Thanks for having us.
I think it's a wonderful topic.
We don't talk enough about love and relationships,
how to cultivate them,
and how to really start from the inside out
in creating wholesome relationships.
So I'm excited to be here.
Let's piggyback off of what you just said
because your whole platform is around conscious love
and conscious dating.
Explain to the audience, what does that mean?
And how does that type of dating, that type of consciousness
differ from what you normally see
or what's sort of the norm in today's society?
Yeah, so if you think about the norm of dating now,
it's a narrative that's been built on scarcity and fear.
You know, we're constantly receiving a barrage of messages
that we're not enough, that we're not good enough
unless we're validated with people, factors, partnerships,
spouses, titles, success, you name it.
Things external to us.
But the conscious dating method
turns that all around, right?
There's no scarcity mindset.
There's no fear-based mindset.
There's a reason that over 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Relationship skills aren't taught, they aren't cultivated,
and then they're based on fear, right?
A lot of relationships have fear of commitment,
fear of betrayal, fear of, you name, the gamut is there.
But the conscious dating method says out the gate,
I'm enough.
I'm complete, I'm whole, I'm inner fulfilled.
I feel purposeful in my life.
I'm doing what I love,
and this partner is just a mere compliment of me.
But I have filled my well so high with love
that I'm not seeking that validation.
It's less about seeking a partnership,
and more about becoming the partner that you want.
And then there's a couple of other overarching topics,
which is self-awareness.
Conscious love and conscious dating
is about a degree in self-awareness.
You know who you are.
Who's showing up on the date?
Who's showing up in the bed each morning
year after year in your marriage?
You know, you're aware of your wound, your triggers.
You're not sabotaging your relationship,
even in your marriage.
You're not projecting your core wounds.
But you're aware of your partner's core wounds,
and you're protecting your partner from your core wounds.
The other two that I would say is intentionality.
You are intentional about your words, your thoughts,
your actions, your deeds, what you want.
You show up.
You show up in dating.
You show up in your marriage.
And then the last part, which we,
I already sort of talked about was self love.
You're dating with self-compassion, non-judgment,
and really loving and honoring yourself
in the process of learning who you are
through relationships.
So, as you're speaking on all those,
I'm just nodding and agreeing like, yes,
all that is totally, it's just totally true.
And I've been married before, divorced,
and back into a committed relationship.
And so everything you're saying just holds true
just across the board.
Caryn, she's just talked about
the things you have to sort of prepare yourself for
as you're entering into that, you know, conscious dating,
hopefully to get into that relationship,
to get into marriage, or whatever your end game is.
I know everyone's end game is different.
But what did she say that kind of struck for you?
You know, did you practice these things as well
as you stepped into a space?
'Cause I know you and your husband
have such an intentional marriage.
We do.
Everything that Angela was speaking about,
I'm over here trying to (indistinct) stop nodding your head.
You're like a bubble head over here.
(Phoenix and Angela laugh)
It all resonates on every level.
And a little known, maybe unknown, but kind of known fact
is it actually took a decade for my husband and I
to get married, for me to get married.
For the reasons that Angela spoke about.
I grew up in a space of consciousness,
which is just bringing awareness.
So much of our lives we move on automatic pilot,
and we're so externally focused
that we tend to think things are happening to us
when actually, in actuality, they're happening through us.
So if there's something being reflected in your experience,
then it's an opportunity to look within,
to, as Angela mentioned, your core wounds.
And so, my point in all of that was that
at the point that I met my husband,
it was very clear to me that I had some housekeeping to do.
That I was projecting onto him.
In a lot of ways he was projecting onto me.
There was a lot of co-dependent elements.
And so when I came around, about nine years later,
I had healed a lot of that
so that we could then come into a conscious union
and reflect the best in each other,
as opposed to the wounding and the worst in each other.
So, all that to say, (indistinct).
I love that.
And back you, Angela.
Like, so you've been talking about conscious dating
and conscious love for quite some time.
But of course 2020 has been a year, as I have said,
that has snatched everybody's edges off.
Just completely snatched everyone's edges bald.
Just has pretty much uprooted us, unearthed us.
Has unshipped things in us that we have to look at, right?
You can't continue to run from yourself.
And I think this year has grown taught us that.
What do you think has been different in 2020 specifically
now that everything has been confined,
versus the other years as it pertains
to conscious dating, or just dating period?
Yeah, no, I appreciate you saying that
because it is important.
Like, we are being unearthed.
Like, there's no hiding from yourself.
There's no running from yourself.
You have to sit with yourself,
whether you like yourself or not.
You've got to be in the discomfort.
And I think it's such a healing process.
I'm hoping that people engage in their own healing
during this time, rather than finding other things
to fill their voids as they would
if we weren't in a pandemic.
You know, we are in a pandemic.
Dating has changed.
It hasn't been obliterated.
I wanna give people courage
that this is actually an awesome, awesome time to date.
How? Yes, it is.
You know, because your relationships are cultivated
on the foundation of things that are necessary.
The mental and emotional.
And when we were really on lockdown,
you had to delay the gratification of the physicality.
You couldn't meet in person.
You couldn't be jaded or skewed by the butterflies
and the sparks, right, you know, that often make us think
there's a real connection because there's a mystery.
This allows us to spend time doing things old school.
Talking on the phone for hours, you know,
doing some FaceTime, which is new for this modern world,
but it gives you time to cultivate more meaning
and more foundational aspects and skills of a relationship.
And then when you meet in person,
you're socially distance, hopefully,
and then it builds and it grows.
And then the physicality can come later,
you know, when you feel a more solid foundation,
and not seeing so much with our eyes and what's stirring.
Because butterflies are lies.
That's my saying.
Butterflies are lies.
Just because you have butterflies with someone
doesn't mean you have a real, deep, intrinsic connection.
Yes.
And that's so interesting that you say that
because I brought this panel together
because we're three women who are all just, you know,
so, just surfacely in a lot of ways
successful in all the things, right?
But we also all are very conscious
and very rooted and grounded
in some levels of spiritual truth and balance.
And, you know, we all have, are in three different stages
in our development of where we are in relationships
or in our relating to relationships.
So, Angela, you are out there consciously dating
a single beautiful woman out there,
seeking and, you know, ready for that beautiful partner.
And I am in a committed, loving relationship
that is long distance.
We'll jump into that too, and what that, you know,
the parameters around that has been.
And then Caryn, you have been married for over 10 years
and had just two beautiful children.
And, you know, we're all just at three various stages,
but the stages that we're in,
a lot of women and men are in right now.
And that's very interesting that you brought up
that we have the old school way of doing things
because talking on the phone, you know, is like,
I feel like everyone should be doing it.
And just, you know, not even always Face Timing,
but just hearing each other's voice
and listening to the cadence of each other's voice,
and actually getting to know each other.
I think there's fun in that.
It takes me back to like high school,
but in middle school.
But Caryn, you've been married for 10 years,
and you have, like I said, two beautiful children.
How has 2020 sort of impacted and shifted
how you all live from day to day with your family?
That's a great question.
Well, I think like most of us, there was a big eruption,
like a shock when the pandemic came initially.
So we were all kind of trying to find our footing.
Although I have a confession,
I have to admit it was surreal,
yet there was an aspect that I think
my whole family appreciated, which is simply slowing down.
Like, we were all so much on this rat race,
and get up, get the kids to school,
do this, do that, do that.
So moments of connection were just lost.
And now we were able to kind of leisurely wake up.
We were able to kind of spend time and connect.
So for all of those gifts, you know,
I call them COVID gifts, I can appreciate that.
How it's altered our relationship is I will,
at the risk of sounding too optimistic,
I will say that it's deepened our capacity.
Now, that doesn't come without the stripe and struggle
of being closely confined.
We both work from home except when we're filming.
And we were supposed to start shooting season three
of our television series.
So that came to a halt.
And, you know, tension is there,
and there's little annoyances,
and things that you're not used to.
And I think it brought us to a centering point
where we do an activity,
and this is from the Gottman Institute
that was amplified during COVID,
where we do appreciations.
Where we will take a day out each week
and actually honor and give thanks and appreciation.
Even if it's you did the dishes, or you took the kids
so I could work on this.
Because those little thankless moments,
I think become exasperated when you're under the stress
of like a pandemic.
And so you have to consciously intend to realign yourself
to, well, what is working here?
What can I give thanks to, thanks for?
And in doing that, there's an intimacy into me you see
by activating that.
So to succinctly answer your question,
I think it made us more conscious and aware
of the need and desire to do that,
to keep ourselves connected.
I love that.
So just the practical gratitude.
Practical.
And action.
And the next step that we would take from that
after we list five things that we appreciated,
it's a way of being seen also.
And I think Angela, you know, can absolutely attest to this
is that, you know, we wanna be held and seen
in our relationships.
And we're so busy in the hustle and flow of life
that we forget to take those moments.
And so in doing that, it allows us to be present as parents.
It allows us to be present with our kids,
doing family art projects,
and just really trying to find the beauty of the moment,
since we're understanding now in 2020
that it's also transient, and it can change in an instant.
So that's (indistinct) opportunity.
I love that.
I love that so much.
And we'll talk more about like some practical tips
we can give our audience at the end
so that they can nurture themselves
as their single individuals, and they can nurture themselves
in their relationships during this time.
Because I know that's been a real tough challenge
for just a lot of people.
But you and your husband,
you guys actually work hand in hand.
And I know, you know, that is what makes some people
pull out their hair themselves,
that they have to see this person every day
and they have to work together as an actual team.
You know, it's very challenging.
And you guys have a show called "Monogamy,"
which I'm just gonna do a shameless plug,
it's on umc.tv and it's also,
could be streamed through Amazon.
You guys just signed a worldwide distribution deal
with Netflix.
Congratulations.
Thank you. I'm so excited.
When I tell you guys like I've been binge watching
the first season of the show in like two days,
because I was so in love with the concept.
I'm not gonna just,
I'm not gonna give too much of it away.
You guys have to go out and watch the show "Monogamy."
But as you guys were creating that show
and doing everything, like,
and just working together as a team.
So not even just husband and wife,
but you guys are a team as well during COVID.
Right.
What have you all, like, learned most
about each other during this time?
'Cause I thought this time is teaching people
about each other.
Yeah, it definitely is teaching.
So, Craig Ross Junior's "Monogamy", our television series
is about four married couples who on the brink of divorce,
it's, they've tried and exhausted everything.
And so they engage in an unconventional therapy
called swap therapy, where for two months,
they actually exchanged spouses with the person
that they think is their perfect spouse.
And how that came about for Craig and I,
it really came as pillow talk.
One day we were in the bed talking,
and I think he was on his phone doing something.
And I got annoyed 'cause it was a trigger for me.
And we were saying, well, my perfect husband
would know to put the phone down.
And he, and then we went on, well, my perfect wife
would know X, Y, and Z.
So that was kind of the genesis of it.
And perfect, you know, I'm using in quotes.
And again, it goes to understanding
having a request of your partner,
which is valid, and honoring that,
and then having a demand and expecting them to fulfill it.
So, that's just a little sidebar.
Anyway, back to the show.
So-
(Phoenix speaks indistinctly)
(indistinct) great show.
And we're pregnant while we're developing it.
So, we shoot season one and we'd just given birth.
And so there's a lot of just newness happening
because I, as Phoenix mentioned,
I've done television shows off on my own.
My husband has directed,
he's directed a lot of network TV shows,
from "NCIS" to "Prison Break."
But this was our first time actually coming together
as a husband and wife team.
And so, it starts with a foundational respect
for each other.
That's just always gonna be present.
We may have creative differences.
We may have annoyances and pet peeves,
but that foundational respect must be there.
And these are my boundaries of how to communicate with me.
And I'm not gonna cross them with you.
So that's something that we, you know,
we constantly exercise.
And if we're honest, we really just love creating together.
And that's part of the gift.
And I think every relationship has to find
their unique pearl.
The things that are unique.
We create, you know, we create babies together,
create TV shows together.
We create on every level.
And so when we are amiss, we come back
to that simple understanding that this is a gift
that we get to share to each other, with each other,
as each other.
So it's kind of how we move through that.
I love that.
And I love that that quote of every relationship
has to find that pearl, because that is so true.
Yeah, (indistinct) to that.
You come back to that.
Yes, yes.
(Caryn speaks indistinctly)
And just for both of you, for Angela and Caryn,
is there anything that you guys have instituted
that has helped you cope better
with the energy of the now?
Right, things are just-
Great question.
There's a vibration in the air.
There's tension, there's pain, there's an exacerbated fear.
Things that, a lot of pain in things that people go through,
it's just being amplified in a whole 'nother level, right?
So how are you two just individually coping with this?
And what tips can you give the audience?
What are the top tips that you can give the audience
for coping just as individuals right now?
Angela?
My first go to is my faith.
I spend time in the word and I read scripture
more than I ever have before every day.
And so my, this time is rooted in my faith,
and I'm anchored in that faith.
And I think when you're anchored in, you know, faith,
you have stronger coping skills.
So, honestly this time has been about growing closer to God
for myself, which inherently is me growing closer to myself,
my purpose, my life's work, what I love doing,
and do that relationship with God
that I've been committed to being my partner.
Everything else has just been flowing really seamlessly.
I know it's a tough time for a lot of people,
and it has been tough,
but one of the things that has helped me so much
is my relationship with God,
and knowing that I don't have to do so much.
I do a lot less, and I create so much more.
You know, we're human beings, not human doings.
And we're always doing, doing, doing.
And I'm finding this beautiful balance and sacred space
of doing so much less, and being so much more productive,
so much more creative, and just in this amazing flow
and rhythm.
So, initial onset of the pandemic, there was fear.
But I took my fear to my faith and I prayed over it.
And I pray over everyone.
And that's really what gets me through.
I have to be anchored in my faith.
And I journal, and I read scripture,
and I share it with people.
I take Bible courses.
And that's my saving grace.
I love that.
And Caryn, what about you?
I'll piggyback on that,
that I think having a strong sense of connection
to a power grander than yourself
for me is a way to navigate these tumultous times.
I'll add to that in tandem with what Angela shared.
Finding rituals and practices that anchor me
here in the now.
I have always loved tea.
And tea is a very sacred practice for me
of conscious sipping and hints.
I've created a platform called "MediTEAtions"
because it marries my idea of self reflection
and meditation with tea.
Journaling, as Angela mentioned, is very big
to just process out because a lot of stuck energy
and thoughts and fear, you know,
actually literally affects our nervous system.
So if we don't allow an exit point
where we can actually process the information,
then we find ourselves in chronic fear,
or the body will give signals, pain, headache,
or our relationships will become strained
because what's not being said
is the thing that needs to be said.
So it's, whether it's through the voice of prayer,
of your prayer, of your meditation time,
of a tuning and listening in, your journaling time,
it's finding that for you, your own pearl.
So not only in all of your relationship, your pearl.
And then I'll add to that.
This is the biggest thing.
And this has gotten me through any challenge,
any constriction, is to as best as you can,
and the harder it is to do it,
the more compelled you can be to do it.
And that is just to find gratitude.
The best prayer that we can ever give is thank you.
So to find any stretch, if, and I've said this before,
because with health challenges that that we can have
on another podcast, associated with my pregnancy,
I literally had to go to the place of giving thanks
if and when I could use the restroom.
So something as simple as your body is functioning,
you're not telling your heart to beat,
or your chest to breathe.
So you're able to breathe.
If you had a meal today.
So even if it gets really bad,
then you have to just find the simplest things,
that I could hear a bird singing outside.
And if I can hear that, I'm breathing,
and if I'm breathing, that means there's hope.
And I don't know the way, I can't see the way,
but there's a way that this can work out for me.
So sometimes you have to take it on that level
when things are seemingly so constricted
and forces seem so strong.
I love that.
Nice job there.
Listen,
(Caryn laughs)
you better drop these gems on people.
And I wanna pivot just a little bit back to you, Angela,
about what are the top to-do's
if someone is single in this time
when they're seeking to create a purposeful connection
with someone?
And then what are some top don'ts?
What should they watch?
Okay.
I love that question.
(Phoenix laughs)
The first do is, you know, really take an assessment
of where you are in the relationship with yourself
before you, that's where it starts.
The genesis has begin with you before you start thinking
about a connection with someone else.
Do you feel good about yourself on a day to day?
Do you like who you are and the woman
or the person you're becoming, right?
Do you find purpose in your life?
Do you feel fulfilled?
And when you feel that you can say yes to that,
and you're not seeking validation,
you got to get out there and date, right?
The conscious dating that is being intentional.
And you know, I hear from clients all over the world,
"Oh, the men in my city are this.
The women in my city are this."
Well, really?
Everywhere you go, there's just no one there,
and there's almost-
About 8 billion people-
8 billion people in the world but there's no one?
And it's really a narrative that needs to shift.
You're only searching for one person.
Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.
If you focus on the mindset that there's a scarcity
of good people out there to date,
that's going to be your experience.
If you focus on online dating is terrible, I hate it,
that's going to be your experience.
It's such a mindset shift in everything that we do.
Think positively.
Get out there and date online.
Online dating is the perfect platform
to increase your dating pool, to gain experience, practice.
Like, you know, you just wanna jump into a relationship
and you have no practice or skills and communication,
and being vulnerable, and rejection,
or letting someone else know you're not interested.
So practice dating, make it curious,
make it fun, and not be so attached to the outcome
each time you go out with someone.
They're the one, they're the one.
Well, we always, we plan the wedding,
and everyone's like, and men are licensed then
to have all of my children.
It happens in the first-
I've been there, I've been there.
And then when you don't get that call back,
you're so disappointed and it hurts.
Remove that, you know,
and just remove that, and just have fun.
And I know that seems like really simple,
but that really is the game changer,
is I'm gonna go out there,
and it's a self discovery journey.
I'm gonna learn about myself by seeing who shows up
and how I show up in that relationship.
And then I have my clients come back and say,
learn something about yourself.
Learn one thing about yourself through your day.
And if you learned anything,
then that date was not a waste of time.
My biggest, yeah, right?
My biggest don'ts is don't sit home watching Netflix
expecting for someone to show up.
Just magically walk through the door, just (indistinct).
You know, you have to use strategy
and intention now in dating.
And the most important decision,
Caryn, I'm sure you can attest to this,
choosing a life partner is the most important decision
you will make.
And becoming a parent is one of the other choices.
Be strategic, right?
Plan.
You know, we do continuing education
for anything else we want.
We do vocational training for anything we want.
But when it comes to relationship, we just,
well, I'm human.
I'm just, it's my birthright to just be a connection.
No.
We are, well, it is our birthright to be a human connection,
but we're not hardwired for a relationship.
Good relationships requires skill.
So get out there dating.
Don't attach an outcome to each person you go out with.
Don't ghost anyone.
Show up in the same integrity that you wanna be treated.
Be non-judgmental towards yourself.
You know, it's so easy to sabotage and say,
well, it's easy to say, "I wanna be in a relationship.
I wanna be married."
And then every person who comes,
you find a reason to sabotage it.
Yeah, yeah.
Be aware of how you're sabotaging, you know.
I say date multiples, get out there and see who you are,
discover parts of yourself that you may not have,
you know, revealed or been in touch with.
And just have fun.
It's that curiosity and lightness that attracts that energy
towards you.
That's true.
And Caryn, on your end,
as someone who is married and coupled up,
what would you say are some just to-do's,
practical to-do's for any married couple
who are now confined in for a while.
So you probably wanna step on each other's toes on purpose.
What are some to-do, like,
what are things that they should just not do?
What could we just talk through things
that they just should not engage in
if they wanna be successful right now?
Hmm, those are really good questions.
I think one of you mentioned about getting curious.
Maybe Angela mentioned that.
I think arousing that curiosity gene,
and going on a journey, a hunt to discover new things
about each other, new ways of connecting,
even if it's, you know, something silly,
like going off to the bathroom together
and sharing a Twinkie.
I don't eat Twinkies,
but by way of exaggeration, an example.
Something, you know, kind of off the cuff
that you wouldn't do just to create
these kind of little moments,
because one thing that helps me when I'm in something
that doesn't feel good is to think about
how I'm going to talk about it.
Because we inevitably will all come back to this moment
and say, "Remember, it's funny, it's funny,
when we did X, Y, and Z."
So you wanna load in those remember the time
when we snuck off in the closet
and did whatever we did, or...
(Phoenix laughs)
So, find ways to get curious
and to use the momentum of the moment
to create connection in a different way.
As I mentioned before, we, you know,
we put on some music and have family art projects, you know,
husband and I will have a little vino.
So it becomes like this finding the fun
in this crazy, unpredictable time.
So as a couple, if you can have a goal to do that,
or just, you know, create a chart or something.
Something for the, just, it doesn't matter what it is.
It's the intention behind it
as we've been talking about intentionality.
And it's hard for me to speak on the don'ts
because obviously every marriage has their own rules.
But you don't want to compromise who you are, obviously,
for the, I don't wanna say for the greater good,
but you don't wanna go against who you are.
Because then now you've built up resentment,
and judgments, and so forth.
So it's really important to stay conscious
and aware of what you're feeling,
and find times to express that in a healthy way
so that your partner can receive it
and not use this time to, you know, layer on
levels of resentment that post COVID, everybody explodes
because you didn't handle and deal with whatever's gone.
And it can be an entry point.
You know, babe, I'm feeling right now,
I'm feeling really anxious.
You know, it could be the virus.
It could be other things.
But I wanna come to you.
I don't necessarily know how to fix that.
I'm not asking you to fix it,
but I just want to create a space
that I'm feeling X, Y, and Z.
How are you feeling right now?
Just kind of softening the space
so that there can be a moment of connection
instead of disconnection and time where we're all feeling,
you know, whatever we're feeling during this time, so.
Right.
No, I, yes, you're right.
And it's interesting that you all are saying
all of these things.
These are such good nuggets.
Thank you ladies.
Thank you ladies so much (indistinct).
Because people single in, you know,
now the new word is entanglement,
in an entanglement, or what may have you,
people are struggling with just some base level skillsets.
And Angela, you spoke to us about, you know,
being in a relationship is a skillset.
And it's something that isn't taught.
And a lot of us as well is something that we don't see
growing up.
I even have a friend whose parents been married
for 36 years, but he never even saw one
like hug and kiss, right?
The affection and the nurturing.
So, there's things that I think all of us
have to of course grow and learn.
And for, I just wanna chime in a little bit on that
in the sense that I am sort of in between you all,
because I'm in a committed relationship.
But we are long distance.
And we have definitely taken lots of years of in and out
and other things to get to this space.
I definitely at some points, Angela, you'd be proud of me,
I definitely have gone through conscious dating
or at least what I thought was at different times.
But then there were times where I just was out
to just have fun and explore
and sort of learn a little bit more about Phoenix.
And then there's the various mirrors that would pop up
in other people.
And, you know, during COVID,
it's had been a really tough time for us
for various reasons, you know,
that we don't have to just step into right now.
But when you are building with someone,
but you're far apart, and then a pandemic hit,
and now you can't even be there for each other
in physical proximity to what you need,
it was tough for a while.
And a few months ago, because of circumstances,
we were forced to say, okay, we have to travel
back and forth as much as possible
and make sure we spend that time.
But I know what got us through sort of that first shutdown
was definitely the communication.
We would be on the phone
for three to four hours some nights.
When I tell you it felt like high school all over again.
And I've been knowing this person for nine years.
So it's not like I'm necessarily knowing,
getting to learn anything brand new.
But I've actually learned a lot of things about him
and even about myself digging into his perception.
And when you have a yin and yang with someone
and you're totally opposite in how you see the world,
you really grow as you dig into perspectives.
And so I would even challenge people
to continue to get to know someone
who you may not be a hundred percent
you guys don't think the same, or see the world the same
because you could expand.
You can open yourself up and open them up
to another way of thinking in life.
And I think this time, this year is about that as well.
It's about us opening ourselves up, evolving, expanding.
And you know, the, just the communication,
hours of communication, and making sure that that connection
is still forged deeply so that we can get to the next level
when things open up.
So that we can, you know, foster and nurture
what each other needs.
It's just been paramount.
So I would offer as well my little tidbit,
as someone in the middle, to people, it's just that
don't be afraid to spend that time,
to, you know, it is a work in progress.
Like, spend that time getting to know someone.
Spend that time away from texts, away from social media,
and actually engage with the person
that you say that you like, or love, or whatever.
(indistinct) Can you guys hear me okay?
I wanna add something to that
that I think isn't a part of the conversation
for married couples or single people
is to get the support that you need.
Marriage therapy is wonderful.
We have a conscious therapist that can guide us
and navigate through this.
Find someone like Angela.
Get the support, get the closure.
Like we talked about,
we get training for every other aspect of our lives,
but we all have, you know,
a foundational template of what relationships should be
and what love should be stemming from childhood,
whether our needs were met or not.
And a lot of it is unconscious.
And so without the mirror
of a professional trained therapist, or coach, or a guide,
it can be really easy to get caught up
in this cycle of them, them, them.
And so you find yourself dating the same person
over and over again with the same name,
or saying things like,
"Oh, I can't find any good men or women."
Well, look, if you keep running into that,
there's one common denominator, that's you.
So there's that stuff from a place of shame
or blaming yourself
because that's not healthy or productive,
but it's from a place of taking honest stock and reflection
and saying, "Hmm, what could be some of the patterns
that I'm duplicating in my,
that I'm seeing duplicated in my relationships or dating,
and how can I help them?"
And that goes for married couples too, like.
Yes.
That's when it really starts.
Like I saw, I'm a big advocate of that.
And I think there's a lot of stigma associated with that.
And so I'm here.
Part of my work and opportunity is to kind of demystify that
and normalize it.
Like, get the support, get the coaching.
So.
So, I, and thank you for saying that
because me and my partner are both in therapy.
Like, we are both, and we've had to be,
because of our circumstances of losing a child recently.
We've had to, being physically apart,
losing a child to stillbirth.
Like there's certain things you can't run from.
So people are already trying to run
from what's happening in the world.
But when you have extreme circumstances
that happened at home, close to home in your heart,
you have to get that fixed.
And we, I would probably be, you know, lost (laughs)
if I didn't have just someone who was there
to back me up emotionally in therapy.
You know, I had the spiritual tools
to get past some of the things that I was feeling.
And, you know, 'cause obviously I've been, unfortunately,
I've had trauma throughout my whole life,
so I'm able to deal with it.
And I've dealt with therapy with things my whole life.
But it's, but I had to go in even a level deeper.
And my partner did too.
And he was in therapy for the first time.
And it has just been so life changing.
So yes, thank you Caryn so much, because there is a stigma.
But in our country where we have
over 30,000 suicides a year,
that's I think be the fact
that we're not talking about it enough.
And, you know, it's a very real thing.
So thank you so much for really bringing that up.
That is so true.
And I wanna give you ladies a quick moment to plug in
where people can actually find you all.
And we'll, and I, as we will have more conversations
with these two ladies specifically and individually
at "Fly with Phoenix" podcasts
and the flywithphoenix.tv website.
So you guys can go there in the future
and actually see even more, you know, content
revolved around these ladies and what they have to bring.
But I want you all to share,
where can individuals find you, Angela?
And where can individuals find you and your shows, Caryn?
Sure, thank you for asking.
And I've had such a wonderful time.
And if you don't mind, I just wanted to just add
it is so important to normalize seeking help and therapy
for relationships.
You know, why is it that we go to a doctor
for our physical health?
We'll see a therapist, maybe, for our mental health.
We'll go to a trainer
when we want to get our bodies in shape.
We'll go to a spa to get our skin
and esthetician to get our skin in shape.
But a relationship we leave it to guesswork
and like winging it.
We just wing it.
And we don't have to.
There are experts and professionals
that are here to teach practical tools and strategies.
And Caryn, have you ever thought about
being a dating coach over there?
(Angela and Caryn laughing)
You know what?
I kind of do in our TV show, which I'll talk about,
but thank you.
(indistinct) actually, I kind of do it in the show.
But yeah, let's talk (laughs).
I hear myself talking like,
"Well, she makes a darn good coach."
(Angela laughs)
So yes, thank you Phoenix for asking that.
You can find me on lovesanctuary.com.
And from that is the umbrella of all the other things
that I do.
I'm most visible on Instagram, Angela N. Holton,
and you'll find all the things that I'm working on.
Retreats, workshops, courses.
I do teach an online course for conscious dating.
And it's, you know, dating is in quotation marks.
And Caryn, I'm sure you can attest to this,
that the conscious dating method is about dating yourself
no matter what stage in the game
that you're in a relationship.
Whether you're single and you wanna be alone,
single and you wanna meet someone, in an entanglement,
in a committed partnership like you, Phoenix,
or married for 10 years.
You're always going back to self.
Always to that committed relationship.
So thank you so much for this opportunity
to share the work that I'm so passionate about.
Of course, thank you.
And I'm glad you're doing it.
Like, people need this, right?
People need what you have to offer.
That's all (indistinct)
Thank you so much, Angela.
And Caryn, where can people find you?
Absolutely, so I am on all social channels
as Caryn Ward Ross.
And that's Caryn spelled C A R Y N.
Like Angela, I'm most active on Instagram,
although that's switching because I have a podcast
called "MediTEAtions with Caryn," and that's tea.
T E A, like sipping, drinking.
And I have, you know, my shows
that you can find on my platforms.
Some wonderful guests, but it's,
the conversation is all around being consciousness,
intentionality to your life,
and really looking at how we can take ownership
and responsibility of our gifts and our own healing
so that we can deliver the gifts that we were born to do
on this planet.
So that's, you know, all part of my deal.
And then, as Phoenix was mentioning, our show,
Craig Ross Junior's "Monogamy" is also on Instagram.
And my husband and I really believe
relationships are our mirrors.
So that is kind of what undergirds that show.
And I have another show in development with my husband
centered around relationships,
but it's really this idea that the people in your life
reflect parts of ourselves that are whole,
and, you know, that's wounded.
And that's the rub, that's the drama.
That's why we make drama series, so we can get out wounds
and have a conversation about it.
And, you know, Craig Ross Junior's "Monogamy",
the series is really about getting some perspective
because a lot of times on a relationship
you may need distance and perspective to see it more clearly
so that you can come back to yourself
because the most important relationship we all have
is with ourselves, as Angela was saying.
So, that's my little spiel (giggles).
Thank you.
And thank you so much, ladies.
And again, you all, I am Phoenix Jackson.
And I'm a speaker and author as well,
and the CCO of Phoenix Affect.
And you guys can find this plus more
at flywithphoenix.tv.
Thank you so much for being here.
I really appreciate you ladies.
Again, I love you so much.
Thank you for sharing your love,
sharing your wisdom with the audience.
They, I know they're gonna get so, so many pearls of wisdom.
So thank you all so much.
Thanks for the opportunity.
Thank you, bye Phoenix.
(indistinct chatter)
Thank you so much.
(soft music)