WEBVTT 00:01.906 --> 00:04.573 (ambient music) 00:09.949 --> 00:12.616 (ambient music) 00:17.520 --> 00:20.103 (upbeat music) 00:24.779 --> 00:27.362 (upbeat music) 00:32.970 --> 00:34.050 Well, hello, everyone. 00:34.050 --> 00:36.480 Welcome to the Invisible Disabilities Association's 00:36.480 --> 00:39.750 first ever "Healthy Humor IDEAS" show. 00:39.750 --> 00:41.460 IDEAS stands for Invisible Disabilities 00:41.460 --> 00:43.320 Education Awareness Support. 00:43.320 --> 00:44.310 My name is Wayne Connell, 00:44.310 --> 00:47.353 and I founded the Invisible Disabilities Association 00:47.353 --> 00:48.660 a long time ago, 00:48.660 --> 00:50.400 and I will be your host today 00:50.400 --> 00:53.760 as we explore healthy humor ideas with top humor experts 00:53.760 --> 00:55.740 from the Association of Applied 00:55.740 --> 00:58.080 and Therapeutic Humor, or AATH. 00:58.080 --> 01:00.633 So I wanna welcome today Karyn Buxman, 01:02.790 --> 01:04.740 and Sue Stevenson. 01:04.740 --> 01:05.850 Whoo! 01:05.850 --> 01:07.980 Joyce Saltman, 01:07.980 --> 01:09.840 and Roberta Gold. 01:09.840 --> 01:11.220 So let's go ahead and get started. 01:11.220 --> 01:12.540 I'm gonna start with you, Karyn. 01:12.540 --> 01:14.850 Share with us a little bit about your background, 01:14.850 --> 01:19.410 and why humor has played such a defining role in your life. 01:19.410 --> 01:20.250 You bet, Wayne. 01:20.250 --> 01:21.450 And it's so good to see you. 01:21.450 --> 01:23.640 Thank you for having us. 01:23.640 --> 01:27.180 This is something that I stumbled upon 01:27.180 --> 01:32.180 back while I was actively nursing and teaching nursing, 01:32.520 --> 01:36.540 was asked to do a research project for my master's thesis, 01:36.540 --> 01:40.140 and stumbled upon this small article 01:40.140 --> 01:42.360 about a nurse researcher, Vera Robinson, 01:42.360 --> 01:45.720 who had studied humor for her dissertation. 01:45.720 --> 01:49.830 And I was blown away that you could actually study humor. 01:49.830 --> 01:53.490 And my advisors were not really happy about it at the time, 01:53.490 --> 01:56.370 but they did acquiesce, 01:56.370 --> 01:59.490 and finally decided that maybe this was worthy. 01:59.490 --> 02:02.790 And after that, they were just blown away 02:02.790 --> 02:06.360 because the benefits that I stumbled upon, 02:06.360 --> 02:09.660 and people were so interested in what I was learning, 02:09.660 --> 02:14.400 that they wanted to be able to hear my findings. 02:14.400 --> 02:16.110 And so I started speaking, 02:16.110 --> 02:20.220 and since then I've written nine books, 02:20.220 --> 02:22.340 the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor 02:22.340 --> 02:23.880 is a big part of my journey, 02:23.880 --> 02:26.730 as was the "Journal of Nursing Jocularity". 02:26.730 --> 02:29.460 And we just have people 02:29.460 --> 02:32.190 on every continent except Antarctica 02:32.190 --> 02:35.040 that we have shared the power of humor with. 02:35.040 --> 02:38.220 Apparently Antarctica doesn't have a great sense of humor, 02:38.220 --> 02:40.110 but Sue would know more about that than I do 02:40.110 --> 02:42.213 'cause she's actually been to Antarctica. 02:43.230 --> 02:44.190 Well, I can tell you, Karyn, 02:44.190 --> 02:46.020 I so appreciate you, and I know we've been 02:46.020 --> 02:48.270 long-time friends of Invisible Disabilities, 02:48.270 --> 02:50.400 and we have lots of great humor resources 02:50.400 --> 02:51.660 you provide for us, 02:51.660 --> 02:53.790 especially on our "Healthy Humor IDEAS" page, 02:53.790 --> 02:54.660 which we're really excited. 02:54.660 --> 02:57.360 It's at healthyhumor.lol, that's how you find it. 02:57.360 --> 03:00.030 So thank you so much, Karyn, that's amazing. 03:00.030 --> 03:02.940 So Sue, speaking of Sue Stevenson. 03:02.940 --> 03:06.663 Sue, tell us a little bit about your background, 03:07.500 --> 03:09.150 what you've been doing all these years, 03:09.150 --> 03:12.360 and why humor's played a defining role in your life. 03:12.360 --> 03:13.680 Well, thank you, Wayne. 03:13.680 --> 03:15.990 I'm so excited to have joined tonight 03:15.990 --> 03:17.790 on "Healthy Humor IDEAS". 03:17.790 --> 03:21.000 And yes, I am calling in from above Antarctica. 03:21.000 --> 03:24.630 I decided that the signal was too poor down on land, 03:24.630 --> 03:26.220 so I've come way above Earth 03:26.220 --> 03:29.940 to beam my thoughts into you directly. 03:29.940 --> 03:31.170 Actually, I am in the mountains. 03:31.170 --> 03:32.970 I'm in Montreux, Switzerland, 03:32.970 --> 03:35.763 so it does feel like we are at the top of the world. 03:36.660 --> 03:41.070 Humor did not play a role as a child growing up. 03:41.070 --> 03:44.790 I came from a very conservative, stoic, 03:44.790 --> 03:48.150 formal Scottish farmer family, 03:48.150 --> 03:51.240 and we really didn't have much humor at all. 03:51.240 --> 03:53.580 And I didn't even know the value of humor. 03:53.580 --> 03:56.053 We didn't watch much TV humor. 03:56.053 --> 03:59.220 I really didn't, yeah, didn't focus on humor. 03:59.220 --> 04:02.760 And it was a very long time before I stumbled on humor. 04:02.760 --> 04:07.680 And I've got a lot of things that happened to me 04:07.680 --> 04:10.920 during my life that humor has made such a big difference. 04:10.920 --> 04:15.210 But Karyn Buxman is a key to my entry 04:15.210 --> 04:16.620 into the humor world. 04:16.620 --> 04:18.930 And when I found AATH, 04:18.930 --> 04:21.750 the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, 04:21.750 --> 04:23.851 it really just took off. 04:23.851 --> 04:26.850 I studied Humor Academy, which is a three-year program, 04:26.850 --> 04:28.740 which was just amazing. 04:28.740 --> 04:30.150 And through Humor Academy, 04:30.150 --> 04:32.130 I really began to learn the theory, 04:32.130 --> 04:33.630 and then I began to practice, 04:33.630 --> 04:35.370 and then I began writing, 04:35.370 --> 04:38.190 and then I learned about how you push through with humor. 04:38.190 --> 04:42.030 And that became a thing about how people who are struggling, 04:42.030 --> 04:44.910 or who have something they're facing, 04:44.910 --> 04:47.520 whether it's chemo, or infusions, 04:47.520 --> 04:50.100 or really high-stress job, 04:50.100 --> 04:53.070 or family issues, or poverty, 04:53.070 --> 04:54.510 what are the things that you could do 04:54.510 --> 04:56.460 to try to push through humor? 04:56.460 --> 04:58.680 And I'll just pause for there. 04:58.680 --> 04:59.610 Oh, that's awesome, Sue. 04:59.610 --> 05:00.690 I so appreciate it. 05:00.690 --> 05:03.630 And yeah, we're excited for you to be part of this too, 05:03.630 --> 05:06.900 and I know that Invisible Disabilities is one 05:06.900 --> 05:09.030 of your passions too, being on our board right now, 05:09.030 --> 05:10.630 we're really excited about that. 05:11.550 --> 05:14.310 So I wanna go to, so Joyce, 05:14.310 --> 05:19.110 tell us a little bit about your background, a little bit, 05:19.110 --> 05:22.410 and why humor played such a defining role in your life. 05:22.410 --> 05:25.590 Well, I grew up not in a family like Sue, 05:25.590 --> 05:28.950 and I'm really thrilled to be part of our panel today. 05:28.950 --> 05:30.690 I grew up in a Jewish family 05:30.690 --> 05:33.150 where people were always laughing, 05:33.150 --> 05:36.120 but my sister and brother were 15 and a half 05:36.120 --> 05:38.460 and 11 and a half when I was born. 05:38.460 --> 05:39.990 So when they would come home from dates, 05:39.990 --> 05:42.480 and I was just a little kid supposed to be in bed, 05:42.480 --> 05:44.730 I would hear them laughing in the other room. 05:44.730 --> 05:45.960 And when I would ask my sister 05:45.960 --> 05:46.980 when she came into the bedroom, 05:46.980 --> 05:48.510 what were you laughing about? 05:48.510 --> 05:51.150 She'd say, when you're older, I'll tell you. 05:51.150 --> 05:53.520 And I made a decision then that I never wanted 05:53.520 --> 05:56.070 to be out of a group that was laughing. 05:56.070 --> 05:58.950 I wanted to be in every group that was laughing. 05:58.950 --> 06:03.420 And as I got older, I recognized that I wasn't beautiful, 06:03.420 --> 06:06.210 and I wasn't brilliant, but I was funny. 06:06.210 --> 06:09.300 So I could always have people around me who'd be laughing, 06:09.300 --> 06:11.160 which has helped tremendously. 06:11.160 --> 06:12.900 And in my professional life, 06:12.900 --> 06:16.230 I have been a teacher of special education 06:16.230 --> 06:19.170 my whole adult life since 1965, 06:19.170 --> 06:20.670 and there was no question, 06:20.670 --> 06:23.850 but that all the other teachers had problems with the kids 06:23.850 --> 06:25.950 that I had in my classes, 06:25.950 --> 06:28.320 and I never had problems with these kids 06:28.320 --> 06:31.230 because I brought a lot of humor into the class, 06:31.230 --> 06:33.390 I brought a lot of techniques into what I taught 06:33.390 --> 06:34.710 in the university. 06:34.710 --> 06:37.170 I taught not only special ed teachers, 06:37.170 --> 06:39.330 but I taught regular teachers 06:39.330 --> 06:41.790 the enhancement of learning through humor, 06:41.790 --> 06:44.910 believing definitely that if we can reach the kids 06:44.910 --> 06:47.730 to a level that they can laugh and feel comfortable, 06:47.730 --> 06:51.750 and not feel challenged by other people's views of them, 06:51.750 --> 06:54.480 that no matter what their problems were, 06:54.480 --> 06:56.400 that they would somehow get past it. 06:56.400 --> 06:58.140 And so far it's been working. 06:58.140 --> 07:00.963 I turned 80 in July, and it still works. 07:02.591 --> 07:03.690 No, that's awesome, Joyce. 07:03.690 --> 07:06.210 I think about it with Invisible Disabilities. 07:06.210 --> 07:07.316 In fact, I even remember this, 07:07.316 --> 07:12.316 we used to have, we first started our galas back in 2008, 07:12.450 --> 07:14.370 and we'd have these galas, 07:14.370 --> 07:17.760 and we'd have a keynote speaker come in and do our gala. 07:17.760 --> 07:21.270 and I had the photographer after one of 'em say, 07:21.270 --> 07:25.320 Wayne, it's so sad and depressing, it's about disabilities. 07:25.320 --> 07:28.380 And I thought, well, something's wrong here. 07:28.380 --> 07:31.230 we need to understand that that's part of the issue 07:31.230 --> 07:34.380 is disabilities can be serious in some sense, 07:34.380 --> 07:36.210 how it impacts your life, 07:36.210 --> 07:39.000 but understanding how humor can play into it, 07:39.000 --> 07:41.490 and how life is not, 07:41.490 --> 07:44.460 talk about rejoicing in the midst of suffering even, 07:44.460 --> 07:45.810 it's like, why would you do that? 07:45.810 --> 07:48.720 Well, because that's what gives you the ability to endure it 07:48.720 --> 07:51.510 and to be part of it, to make it through it. 07:51.510 --> 07:52.560 So that's awesome, Joyce. 07:52.560 --> 07:54.330 I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of people 07:54.330 --> 07:58.200 that are so been blessed by you bringing that 07:58.200 --> 07:59.033 to the classroom. 07:59.033 --> 08:00.150 I mean, I can imagine a classroom 08:00.150 --> 08:01.470 where they're laughing in one, 08:01.470 --> 08:02.430 and the other one they're not, 08:02.430 --> 08:04.339 and you're like, well, that's the one I wanna be in. 08:04.339 --> 08:05.172 Right. 08:05.172 --> 08:06.240 (Joyce laughing) 08:06.240 --> 08:07.073 Awesome. 08:07.073 --> 08:10.659 Well, so Roberta, tell us about your journey, 08:10.659 --> 08:12.570 and a little bit of your background, 08:12.570 --> 08:14.720 and why humor is part of what you're about. 08:15.750 --> 08:17.169 Wow, where do I start? 08:17.169 --> 08:18.060 (Roberta laughing) 08:18.060 --> 08:19.650 When hasn't there been humor? 08:19.650 --> 08:23.040 I was raised in a family that utilized a lot of humor, 08:23.040 --> 08:25.050 but we had illness too. 08:25.050 --> 08:28.500 So my dad was the starter 08:28.500 --> 08:33.420 of a genetically dominantly hereditary rare disease, 08:33.420 --> 08:36.243 and he was sick for a great many years. 08:37.170 --> 08:38.850 He lived a lot longer than he was supposed to, 08:38.850 --> 08:40.620 but we used a lot of humor with him. 08:40.620 --> 08:42.990 In fact, when he was in the hospital, 08:42.990 --> 08:45.990 I would bring a clown on a spring, 08:45.990 --> 08:48.810 and hang it to his IV pole, and make it laugh, 08:48.810 --> 08:50.520 and the nurses would come in and say, 08:50.520 --> 08:53.014 oh my gosh, the patient next door is making me crazy, 08:53.014 --> 08:56.340 make that laugh so I can feel better. 08:56.340 --> 08:59.370 And I became a recreation therapist, 08:59.370 --> 09:02.700 and as I was working with occupational therapists, 09:02.700 --> 09:06.960 and we had a craft clinic, 09:06.960 --> 09:09.930 and the patients would come through the craft clinic, 09:09.930 --> 09:14.370 and probably one of the most popular crafts they would do 09:14.370 --> 09:15.660 would be a stuffed animal. 09:15.660 --> 09:17.820 And they'd work on the head, and they'd put it down, 09:17.820 --> 09:19.140 and they'd work on the body. 09:19.140 --> 09:20.280 And me being who I am, 09:20.280 --> 09:22.410 because I don't change whether I'm at work or at home, 09:22.410 --> 09:26.640 I'm just silly, or some people call me wacky, 09:26.640 --> 09:28.650 I would pick up the head and I would go, 09:28.650 --> 09:29.760 hi, how are you? 09:29.760 --> 09:31.560 And I'd make the head talk, 09:31.560 --> 09:33.090 and they'd look at me like, really? 09:33.090 --> 09:35.520 I'm in here and you're not? 09:35.520 --> 09:37.680 And we'd laugh together, 09:37.680 --> 09:39.390 and then later that day or that week, 09:39.390 --> 09:41.040 they'd stop me in the hallway and they'd say, 09:41.040 --> 09:42.913 Roberta, can I talk to you? 09:42.913 --> 09:45.660 I don't feel comfortable talking to my doctor. 09:45.660 --> 09:48.330 And I realized the power of humor and laughter 09:48.330 --> 09:50.970 made us equal, I wasn't the therapist, 09:50.970 --> 09:52.410 and they weren't the patient. 09:52.410 --> 09:55.170 At that moment, we were exactly the same. 09:55.170 --> 09:57.630 And I started researching it. 09:57.630 --> 10:01.560 I had a supervisor that encouraged me, and I said, 10:01.560 --> 10:04.860 I wanna start a class on humor. 10:04.860 --> 10:06.600 He goes, fine, go research it. 10:06.600 --> 10:10.260 I saw Norman Cousins right before he passed away, probably. 10:10.260 --> 10:13.140 I met a number of really great people 10:13.140 --> 10:14.820 in the field back then. 10:14.820 --> 10:16.530 I went to a conference with Jim Pelley 10:16.530 --> 10:17.790 and some other people. 10:17.790 --> 10:20.760 And I started a group called Brighten Up for the patients. 10:20.760 --> 10:25.500 And it worked, and we talked about utilizing humor 10:25.500 --> 10:26.430 when they go home, 10:26.430 --> 10:28.830 utilizing it in the hospital, 10:28.830 --> 10:30.900 and I started to be asked 10:30.900 --> 10:32.700 to talk about it and write about it, 10:32.700 --> 10:36.270 and I started "Laughter For The Health Of It" in 1983. 10:36.270 --> 10:39.726 And I found it was the American Association 10:39.726 --> 10:42.210 of Therapeutic Humor at that time, 10:42.210 --> 10:45.240 and I was supposed to meet Karyn Buxman in Paris, 10:45.240 --> 10:47.430 but I was eight and a half months pregnant, 10:47.430 --> 10:48.363 and I couldn't go. 10:49.290 --> 10:52.557 But I have been with AATH ever since, 10:52.557 --> 10:55.530 and I am proud to be the current president 10:55.530 --> 10:59.220 of the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor. 10:59.220 --> 11:01.950 And I am with wonderful, incredible people 11:01.950 --> 11:04.762 that just are amazing. 11:04.762 --> 11:06.120 (Roberta laughing) 11:06.120 --> 11:09.240 Well, I had an opportunity to go to AATH 11:09.240 --> 11:10.290 to their annual summit, 11:10.290 --> 11:12.210 and I know there's one coming up soon 11:12.210 --> 11:14.790 out here in Denver, Colorado, in April. 11:14.790 --> 11:16.470 And real excited about that. 11:16.470 --> 11:18.390 Yeah, in 2010, I got an opportunity to go 11:18.390 --> 11:20.070 to the one out in California. 11:20.070 --> 11:23.040 Man, one, I never laughed so hard in my life in four days, 11:23.040 --> 11:26.760 but I made so many amazing connections with people, 11:26.760 --> 11:29.670 and it's one of the things that really learned 11:29.670 --> 11:31.380 about the whole issue of connection, right? 11:31.380 --> 11:33.400 How humor really brings that connection 11:34.260 --> 11:38.850 that you meet all these different people that come together, 11:38.850 --> 11:41.643 that humor flattens out that, 11:42.870 --> 11:45.870 it doesn't matter where somebody comes from, we all laugh, 11:45.870 --> 11:47.310 and we get that together, 11:47.310 --> 11:48.600 and sometimes we get the joke together, 11:48.600 --> 11:49.920 sometimes we don't get the joke together, 11:49.920 --> 11:50.880 depending on what it's about. 11:50.880 --> 11:53.280 But that aspect, and I really appreciate that, 11:53.280 --> 11:56.550 and happy to get involved. 11:56.550 --> 12:00.480 In fact, I'm kind of blessed to do one of the keynotes 12:00.480 --> 12:02.910 at this event coming up here in a few months. 12:02.910 --> 12:04.350 And what's exciting is 12:04.350 --> 12:07.350 I'm gonna be talking about finding joy 12:07.350 --> 12:09.210 in the middle of suffering, right? 12:09.210 --> 12:12.390 With a wife who's been chronically ill for over 30 years, 12:12.390 --> 12:17.190 and really how humor has played a big role in our lives. 12:17.190 --> 12:18.680 And we're very excited about that, 12:18.680 --> 12:20.880 to really share that with people. 12:20.880 --> 12:22.470 So I'm gonna put this question out, 12:22.470 --> 12:23.940 so anybody can grab this one. 12:23.940 --> 12:26.490 So what's healthy humor? 12:26.490 --> 12:27.510 What is it? 12:27.510 --> 12:29.760 I mean, what's unhealthy humor? 12:29.760 --> 12:32.410 I guess maybe you could start from there even, right? 12:33.420 --> 12:35.670 You know what, I'm gonna share an unhealthy humor, 12:35.670 --> 12:36.750 and then tell you. 12:36.750 --> 12:41.750 So humor is the greatest connector in the world. 12:42.480 --> 12:44.463 It is also a weapon. 12:45.330 --> 12:48.390 And I actually lost a friend when I was in college 12:48.390 --> 12:50.280 because of a joke she told. 12:50.280 --> 12:52.410 And I'm not gonna repeat the joke, 12:52.410 --> 12:55.770 but it was so horrific that I thought 12:55.770 --> 12:59.467 if they can tell that joke and laugh about it, 12:59.467 --> 13:00.570 I can't be friends with them 13:00.570 --> 13:03.930 because it was putting down a whole entire people, 13:03.930 --> 13:07.470 and it just, it didn't go. 13:07.470 --> 13:09.690 But when you do share humor, 13:09.690 --> 13:11.310 and it doesn't even have to be a joke, 13:11.310 --> 13:14.340 it can be a cartoon that you share with somebody. 13:14.340 --> 13:19.260 My mom started on Mother's Day, 13:19.260 --> 13:20.850 everybody got an envelope, 13:20.850 --> 13:22.320 and it was Mother's Day, actually, 13:22.320 --> 13:23.520 and we were celebrating her, 13:23.520 --> 13:25.200 but she gave every one of us, 13:25.200 --> 13:28.260 the kids, the spouses, everybody an envelope, 13:28.260 --> 13:29.583 and in it was a cartoon. 13:30.480 --> 13:32.220 And she had actually cut these cartoons 13:32.220 --> 13:33.900 out of the newspaper. 13:33.900 --> 13:38.730 And every cartoon was perfect for each person. 13:38.730 --> 13:42.360 It was so apropos, and we shared them, and we all laughed, 13:42.360 --> 13:44.970 and yeah, that's you, you got us. 13:44.970 --> 13:48.030 But the power of humor is when you utilize it 13:48.030 --> 13:50.703 to connect people, to bring people in, 13:52.140 --> 13:54.570 unlike unfortunately, Joyce, 13:54.570 --> 13:55.830 what you had when you were growing up 13:55.830 --> 13:59.133 is to include everybody in on it. 14:01.440 --> 14:02.370 Well, that's awesome. 14:02.370 --> 14:03.870 So Karyn, I hear that you're 14:03.870 --> 14:06.667 the world's first neurohumorist, whatever that means. 14:06.667 --> 14:08.307 Only! So you might know 14:08.307 --> 14:12.390 how healthy humor, neuro healthy somehow comes together. 14:12.390 --> 14:14.393 Your favorite neurohumorist. 14:14.393 --> 14:16.620 (Sue laughing) 14:16.620 --> 14:18.630 That's because I am your only neurohumorist. 14:18.630 --> 14:22.350 But anyway, and there is healthy humor, 14:22.350 --> 14:23.650 and then a slight tangent from that, 14:23.650 --> 14:25.260 and I don't wanna go down a rabbit hole, 14:25.260 --> 14:27.840 but there's also therapeutic humor. 14:27.840 --> 14:30.780 Healthy humor is, I think, any kind of humor 14:30.780 --> 14:33.960 that results in something 14:33.960 --> 14:36.660 that makes somebody feel better 14:36.660 --> 14:40.830 physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually. 14:40.830 --> 14:44.310 The humor that makes people have some kind 14:44.310 --> 14:48.150 of a positive benefit in all of those worlds. 14:48.150 --> 14:51.900 It doesn't have to even be intentionally done. 14:51.900 --> 14:54.360 If it was humor that was experienced, 14:54.360 --> 14:56.310 even if it was by accident, 14:56.310 --> 14:59.910 then that is a healthy humor. 14:59.910 --> 15:03.270 In AATH, we talk about therapeutic humor, 15:03.270 --> 15:06.660 and we've really been delving into this over the decades. 15:06.660 --> 15:11.660 And our friend and colleague Steve Sultanoff, 15:11.700 --> 15:12.870 who is a psychologist, 15:12.870 --> 15:15.600 has really helped kind of pin this down. 15:15.600 --> 15:19.440 And with therapeutic humor, there is an intentionality, 15:19.440 --> 15:23.190 and there is also that the person 15:23.190 --> 15:25.320 who is the recipient of the humor 15:25.320 --> 15:27.780 recognizes that there was a benefit. 15:27.780 --> 15:29.310 And so it's a slight nuance, 15:29.310 --> 15:31.710 but for those of us who really geek out on this, 15:31.710 --> 15:32.823 and wanna go deeper, 15:34.862 --> 15:36.720 that's kind of the difference. 15:36.720 --> 15:39.450 But one of the things that I would love 15:39.450 --> 15:43.830 for the viewers today to come away with is that 15:43.830 --> 15:47.310 humor, when it happens by chance, is wonderful. 15:47.310 --> 15:51.300 But humor by choice can take their benefits 15:51.300 --> 15:52.680 up a quantum leap 15:52.680 --> 15:56.820 because now with that intentionality and with consistency, 15:56.820 --> 15:59.220 they're going to start seeing the benefits 15:59.220 --> 16:03.090 on a regular basis and see more of those benefits. 16:03.090 --> 16:06.450 And do any of my colleagues wanna jump in on that? 16:06.450 --> 16:07.633 Yes, I do. 16:08.970 --> 16:12.240 So thinking about the brain and our neural pathways, 16:12.240 --> 16:16.170 exactly as you're saying, we begin to have filters, 16:16.170 --> 16:18.180 and we just identify humor. 16:18.180 --> 16:20.460 I now notice I see humor. 16:20.460 --> 16:21.900 I see humor everywhere. 16:21.900 --> 16:24.990 I have a lens of humor that I never had before. 16:24.990 --> 16:27.600 And so I now look at the world, 16:27.600 --> 16:30.840 and I see healthy humor as the way. 16:30.840 --> 16:33.390 When positive psychology came into the world, 16:33.390 --> 16:36.000 instead of thinking why was somebody sick, 16:36.000 --> 16:38.310 and what was wrong with something, 16:38.310 --> 16:40.710 we now say what was right with it? 16:40.710 --> 16:42.150 What worked? 16:42.150 --> 16:46.140 And I attend the conferences for positive psychology, 16:46.140 --> 16:48.207 and I just loved when I went last time, 16:48.207 --> 16:53.207 and we talked about the future about healthy humor, 16:53.280 --> 16:56.073 and how we think about joy, and savoring, 16:58.389 --> 16:59.760 and the beauty of the world. 16:59.760 --> 17:01.920 I'm a photographer, so I'm always looking for 17:01.920 --> 17:03.330 what is that joy? 17:03.330 --> 17:05.820 How can I connect people to nature? 17:05.820 --> 17:09.330 So there's a lot of positive connecting, 17:09.330 --> 17:11.580 beautiful benefits when we look at humor 17:11.580 --> 17:14.550 from a positive lens, and a healthy lens. 17:14.550 --> 17:17.670 Well, Sue, since you're kind of talking about this, 17:17.670 --> 17:22.050 how about share a time when you personally 17:22.050 --> 17:24.810 used humor to navigate an illness or trauma, 17:24.810 --> 17:26.910 something that impacted you, your family, 17:26.910 --> 17:29.610 that you used humor to help you kind of get through it 17:29.610 --> 17:31.060 from that healthy standpoint? 17:32.250 --> 17:34.770 Well, my mom had Alzheimer's, 17:34.770 --> 17:36.840 so thinking about our mom's today, 17:36.840 --> 17:40.080 and when she was kinda at later stages 17:40.080 --> 17:42.360 and she'd lost the power of language, 17:42.360 --> 17:43.950 I would take her on walks, 17:43.950 --> 17:47.250 and we would laugh about the different colors of flowers, 17:47.250 --> 17:49.560 and the different bugs that would go in the flowers. 17:49.560 --> 17:51.750 And then I learned to hum 17:51.750 --> 17:55.800 because, by then, words didn't really resonate with her, 17:55.800 --> 17:58.740 but deep in the brain, 17:58.740 --> 18:01.440 music is the last remaining place 18:01.440 --> 18:04.020 where we can bring people to life. 18:04.020 --> 18:05.070 So we would hum. 18:05.070 --> 18:07.890 We go, how much is that dog in the window? 18:07.890 --> 18:08.723 And then I go, 18:08.723 --> 18:10.137 (Sue humming) 18:10.137 --> 18:11.490 And we would hum and hum, 18:11.490 --> 18:14.460 and then she would come alive and hum with me. 18:14.460 --> 18:16.260 So we were known as the humming duo. 18:17.580 --> 18:19.620 That's awesome, that's awesome. 18:19.620 --> 18:22.670 So anybody else have a moment 18:22.670 --> 18:25.230 where they used humor to really get 18:25.230 --> 18:26.580 through a traumatic experience? 18:26.580 --> 18:28.203 Just jump right in, please. 18:29.940 --> 18:31.800 I don't wanna dominate, but... 18:31.800 --> 18:33.543 Yeah, you go ahead, Roberta. 18:34.890 --> 18:37.920 Well, like I explained with my dad. 18:37.920 --> 18:40.320 So my dad was a starter of a rare disease, 18:40.320 --> 18:45.300 and my brother, myself, and I passed it on to my son. 18:45.300 --> 18:49.290 We all have it, and basically we live with it all the time, 18:49.290 --> 18:50.700 but we have to use humor. 18:50.700 --> 18:52.966 So we use humor... 18:52.966 --> 18:53.820 (Roberta laughing) 18:53.820 --> 18:57.810 So we use humor to cope with the way our bodies are, 18:57.810 --> 19:00.570 because I've had two major surgeries, 19:00.570 --> 19:03.420 and I had my colon and my rectum removed, 19:03.420 --> 19:08.420 and for about almost three months, I had an ileostomy, 19:08.490 --> 19:10.470 but I'm allergic to tape, 19:10.470 --> 19:11.910 so it wouldn't stick on me. 19:11.910 --> 19:15.870 So I probably had the worst time of my entire life 19:15.870 --> 19:19.470 was trying to deal with an ileostomy that wouldn't stay on. 19:19.470 --> 19:21.758 So there was a lot of poop jokes, 19:21.758 --> 19:23.670 (Roberta laughing) 19:23.670 --> 19:25.890 and we deal with it in that way. 19:25.890 --> 19:29.550 We utilize it because if you can't change something, 19:29.550 --> 19:31.560 if you can find the humor in it, 19:31.560 --> 19:34.560 you can deal with it so much easier. 19:34.560 --> 19:36.630 It's not gonna change what you're dealing with, 19:36.630 --> 19:37.917 but it's gonna make it so much easier, 19:37.917 --> 19:40.290 and it's gonna make it easier on the people around you. 19:40.290 --> 19:41.800 So we use a lot of humor 19:42.840 --> 19:46.380 around body functions, and sounds, 19:46.380 --> 19:49.680 and the way things work now, 19:49.680 --> 19:51.240 I don't have an ileostomy any more, 19:51.240 --> 19:53.373 I have what's called a J-pouch, 19:54.240 --> 19:56.160 it's an internal bag, 19:56.160 --> 20:00.060 but I still know where every bathroom is everywhere. 20:00.060 --> 20:00.893 Well, you think about that, 20:00.893 --> 20:02.153 and really that aspect of, 20:02.153 --> 20:04.260 I mean, I could think about a callous humor, 20:04.260 --> 20:07.020 or something along those lines where whatever, 20:07.020 --> 20:08.310 with Invisible Disabilities, 20:08.310 --> 20:10.350 there's so many people who are living with chronic illness 20:10.350 --> 20:13.380 where they get it, and they have, 20:13.380 --> 20:17.520 I mean, some things, you gotta laugh. 20:17.520 --> 20:18.540 Oh my goodness. 20:18.540 --> 20:21.420 I mean, what my wife and I go through sometimes, 20:21.420 --> 20:23.910 it's the invariable when the doctor says, 20:23.910 --> 20:25.080 well, that can't happen, 20:25.080 --> 20:27.205 and you're thinking, it did. 20:27.205 --> 20:28.860 How could you say it can't happen? 20:28.860 --> 20:31.110 It did, and you're like, 20:31.110 --> 20:32.970 you just gotta laugh through you saying, 20:32.970 --> 20:35.940 that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. 20:35.940 --> 20:37.890 What do you mean it can't happen? 20:37.890 --> 20:40.113 It's like, but that happens a lot. 20:42.570 --> 20:45.690 I've thought about writing a book someday with Karyn. 20:45.690 --> 20:46.650 We've talked about this, 20:46.650 --> 20:49.530 where one page would be from the patient's perspective 20:49.530 --> 20:50.887 about the doctors, 20:50.887 --> 20:53.460 and one page would be the doctor's perspective 20:53.460 --> 20:54.630 about the patients 20:54.630 --> 20:56.820 because why do you think they call 'em patients? 20:56.820 --> 20:58.890 Because the doctor's practicing on them, right? 20:58.890 --> 21:01.990 It's like, but that whole aspect of 21:03.510 --> 21:05.400 whatever kind of work you do, 21:05.400 --> 21:07.140 there's always a humor that's tied to, 21:07.140 --> 21:09.840 it's the inside joke kind of thing, right? 21:09.840 --> 21:14.310 So Joyce- John Callahan in his books, 21:14.310 --> 21:17.580 there's nobody who covered what you are talking about 21:17.580 --> 21:20.070 more fabulously than Johnny Callahan. 21:20.070 --> 21:21.180 Now I just wanted to say 21:21.180 --> 21:24.360 having not had what I would consider a trauma 21:24.360 --> 21:25.980 that I dealt with with humor, 21:25.980 --> 21:29.400 and I guess I've just led too happy of a life, 21:29.400 --> 21:33.390 but I think that every day, as we get older, 21:33.390 --> 21:37.950 we recognize the power of humor as an equalizer. 21:37.950 --> 21:39.060 And I know whenever, 21:39.060 --> 21:40.860 I just gave a talk yesterday 21:40.860 --> 21:44.460 on the joys of being chronologically endowed. 21:44.460 --> 21:48.660 And when I talk to people about keeping my underwear, 21:48.660 --> 21:51.720 bras and underpants, rolled up in the vanity 21:51.720 --> 21:55.320 so that I don't have to walk past a mirror undressed 21:55.320 --> 21:56.970 when I come out of the shower, 21:56.970 --> 22:00.090 people my age understand this. 22:00.090 --> 22:02.730 They get it, they get it, and we all feel, 22:02.730 --> 22:05.910 we all have something that's imperfect about our bodies, 22:05.910 --> 22:07.500 we all have something that's imperfect 22:07.500 --> 22:08.760 about the stuff we've done, 22:08.760 --> 22:11.040 or how much are we cleaning the house. 22:11.040 --> 22:15.210 There are so many little flaws that are not traumatic, 22:15.210 --> 22:17.520 but they do impact your daily life, 22:17.520 --> 22:20.730 and also what other people think about you. 22:20.730 --> 22:24.030 And I think that humor is the greatest way 22:24.030 --> 22:27.270 to bridge that gap between people up here 22:27.270 --> 22:30.450 and people down here in whatever the area is. 22:30.450 --> 22:31.740 Whether it's an illness, 22:31.740 --> 22:33.360 whether it's an intellectual problem, 22:33.360 --> 22:35.700 whether it's a financial problem, 22:35.700 --> 22:38.250 in the end, we are all people, 22:38.250 --> 22:40.383 and we're meant to laugh together. 22:41.400 --> 22:42.270 Yeah, exactly right. 22:42.270 --> 22:43.103 I mean, that's one of the things that 22:43.103 --> 22:44.670 at Invisible Disabilities we talk about 22:44.670 --> 22:47.370 is everybody has value. 22:47.370 --> 22:48.480 Somebody may have an illness, 22:48.480 --> 22:49.440 somebody may have a disability, 22:49.440 --> 22:50.280 it doesn't matter what it is, 22:50.280 --> 22:52.200 we all are valued the same, 22:52.200 --> 22:53.850 and we need to stop thinking 22:53.850 --> 22:56.850 that people are lesser because of these things, right? 22:56.850 --> 22:58.410 But you're right, if you look about it, 22:58.410 --> 23:00.060 there are people who, 23:00.060 --> 23:02.670 their lives are so full of trauma and tragedy, 23:02.670 --> 23:04.020 not that they ask for it, 23:04.020 --> 23:06.690 and sometimes they're the funniest people you know. 23:06.690 --> 23:08.730 I mean, they are just so full of humor 23:08.730 --> 23:10.860 because it is that coping mechanism. 23:10.860 --> 23:14.940 It's that, Karyn, you talk about oxytocin, 23:14.940 --> 23:18.120 there's all these wonderful things that happen as well. 23:18.120 --> 23:20.970 And it's like, how could you not cope with this? 23:20.970 --> 23:22.350 That's the only way you can, 23:22.350 --> 23:24.570 is to kind of work into that. 23:24.570 --> 23:28.950 So as I kind of think about healthy humor, 23:28.950 --> 23:32.910 think about it in the workplace or the personal life, 23:32.910 --> 23:35.440 and what's some advice 23:36.973 --> 23:38.850 you might give that says, 23:38.850 --> 23:40.980 here's a way you can use humor, 23:40.980 --> 23:42.930 you talked about seeing humor, 23:42.930 --> 23:47.160 we talked about don't use humor to knock somebody down, 23:47.160 --> 23:49.620 I mean, you talked about that, Roberta, 23:49.620 --> 23:51.960 how we use it as a weapon. 23:51.960 --> 23:55.890 But so what's a practical example 23:55.890 --> 23:58.989 of how you can use healthy humor to benefit somebody, 23:58.989 --> 24:01.290 to make maybe their life's a little bit better, 24:01.290 --> 24:02.790 maybe their business life's a little bit better. 24:02.790 --> 24:03.840 What would that be? 24:03.840 --> 24:04.673 Anybody? 24:06.510 --> 24:07.800 Go ahead, Karyn. I'm happy to- 24:07.800 --> 24:10.800 Oh, I'll jump in, and I know that my colleagues here 24:10.800 --> 24:13.863 have lots of ideas and thoughts as well. 24:15.570 --> 24:18.840 I think the first thing that I would recommend to anybody, 24:18.840 --> 24:20.220 whether it's for your personal life 24:20.220 --> 24:21.270 or your professional life, 24:21.270 --> 24:26.190 is to start rewiring your brain to start intentionally 24:26.190 --> 24:30.540 and consistently looking for the humor around you. 24:30.540 --> 24:32.790 Sue said it so beautifully earlier 24:32.790 --> 24:35.700 that she now sees humor all the time. 24:35.700 --> 24:38.010 And I see humor every day. 24:38.010 --> 24:40.890 Some people will say to me, 24:40.890 --> 24:41.970 but you don't understand, 24:41.970 --> 24:44.580 there's nothing funny happening in my life. 24:44.580 --> 24:47.760 And there are people who have a lot of tragedy, 24:47.760 --> 24:52.050 but the fact is that the humor is still around. 24:52.050 --> 24:54.900 It's just that you're not, like Roberta said, 24:54.900 --> 24:57.030 you're not wearing the lens. 24:57.030 --> 25:00.210 And if you start intentionally asking yourself, 25:00.210 --> 25:01.740 what am I missing? 25:01.740 --> 25:05.110 And don't give up if you don't see something right away 25:06.300 --> 25:09.060 because if that's your belief, that's your reality. 25:09.060 --> 25:10.620 But once you start believing 25:10.620 --> 25:13.170 there's gotta be something funny here, 25:13.170 --> 25:17.730 then you'll see something, and neurons are gonna fire, 25:17.730 --> 25:19.800 and the next time it'll happen a little sooner, 25:19.800 --> 25:21.750 and the neurons are gonna fire again. 25:21.750 --> 25:24.030 And you're gonna start rewiring your brain. 25:24.030 --> 25:27.420 Hebb's law, neurons that fire together, wire together, 25:27.420 --> 25:30.060 and your brain will start showing you humor 25:30.060 --> 25:31.650 on a regular basis. 25:31.650 --> 25:33.450 Things people say, 25:33.450 --> 25:34.953 signs that you see. 25:36.408 --> 25:38.340 I was in a dressing room not too long ago 25:38.340 --> 25:40.200 trying on a pair of jeans. 25:40.200 --> 25:42.840 And the woman in the dressing room beside me, 25:42.840 --> 25:44.340 apparently was trying on a dress. 25:44.340 --> 25:47.280 I never saw her, but I heard her say, 25:47.280 --> 25:50.580 oh hun, if this dress fit me any tighter, 25:50.580 --> 25:53.074 it would fit me like a mammogram. 25:53.074 --> 25:54.630 (Sue laughing) 25:54.630 --> 25:56.640 I had to stop putting on my jeans. 25:56.640 --> 25:58.410 I had to reach into my bag, 25:58.410 --> 26:00.731 and I wrote that down on a piece of paper. 26:00.731 --> 26:01.740 (Sue laughing) 26:01.740 --> 26:02.573 I forgot about it. 26:02.573 --> 26:03.690 It wasn't until a week later 26:03.690 --> 26:04.980 that I found the piece of paper. 26:04.980 --> 26:06.180 So that's another thing, 26:07.032 --> 26:10.530 there's a lot of humor that's happening that escapes you, 26:10.530 --> 26:12.720 and you think about it for a fleeting moment, 26:12.720 --> 26:14.220 but because you haven't brought it 26:14.220 --> 26:16.800 to an intentionally conscious level, 26:16.800 --> 26:21.800 you're not gonna be able to leverage it as much. 26:22.200 --> 26:26.310 It's interesting that you talk about looking for it. 26:26.310 --> 26:28.140 As I'm preparing for my keynote 26:28.140 --> 26:30.150 in front of all these amazing speakers and everything, 26:30.150 --> 26:31.000 talk about humor. 26:31.920 --> 26:35.190 As I'm going through my life and looking at those moments 26:35.190 --> 26:37.810 where humor plays such an important, 26:37.810 --> 26:39.630 and I am writing it down too, right? 26:39.630 --> 26:40.770 'Cause I'm like, I don't wanna miss it, 26:40.770 --> 26:43.440 and then I'll just be driving or whatever else, 26:43.440 --> 26:44.700 suddenly one of 'em will pop, I'm like, 26:44.700 --> 26:47.850 oh my goodness, I've gotta use that. 26:47.850 --> 26:50.220 And then somehow I find the audio clip, 26:50.220 --> 26:51.903 or the video, or whatever. 26:53.490 --> 26:55.530 It is, but you're right, it's intentional. 26:55.530 --> 26:57.270 I've gotta find these things. 26:57.270 --> 26:58.440 And then when you find 'em, 26:58.440 --> 27:00.510 then you have a great laugh, and everybody's like, 27:00.510 --> 27:02.073 oh yeah, that was really funny. 27:04.890 --> 27:06.770 Dovetailing on what Karyn said, 27:06.770 --> 27:10.293 I tell people to do a humor journal, 27:11.790 --> 27:13.380 keep it going all the time. 27:13.380 --> 27:14.213 And I did that. 27:14.213 --> 27:17.040 So my mom went into a skilled nursing facility, 27:17.040 --> 27:20.250 and it was pretty horrific for all of us, 27:20.250 --> 27:22.980 and she started to kind of say things 27:22.980 --> 27:25.080 that were pretty bizarre after a while. 27:25.080 --> 27:29.460 I started a humor log on my mom, my mom's humor log. 27:29.460 --> 27:31.230 Well, like I said, my mom just passed away, 27:31.230 --> 27:34.920 and at her eulogy, I let my brother go first 27:34.920 --> 27:37.800 because I knew he was gonna speak about all her assets, 27:37.800 --> 27:39.420 and the great things, 27:39.420 --> 27:41.190 and I knew that I had to come in, 27:41.190 --> 27:43.890 and share that humor log that I had. 27:43.890 --> 27:48.570 And I did, I shared the humor that I found with her, 27:48.570 --> 27:51.540 and then I laughed with her in the last parts of her life. 27:51.540 --> 27:55.593 And people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for that. 27:56.640 --> 27:58.800 They said, we needed to know that part of your mom, 27:58.800 --> 28:01.410 and we loved your mom's laugh, and her wit, 28:01.410 --> 28:05.310 and that part just shined. 28:05.310 --> 28:10.310 So you can use humor in places to really help you 28:10.440 --> 28:12.393 start your grief as well. 28:13.320 --> 28:15.030 Yeah, Sue, as I think about 28:15.030 --> 28:17.080 you do a lot of coaching in those things. 28:18.870 --> 28:20.610 As you're coaching somebody, 28:20.610 --> 28:23.580 and talking 'em through how to really move to the next level 28:23.580 --> 28:27.180 in their personal and business life using humor to do it. 28:27.180 --> 28:30.930 Yeah, I'm an executive coach and I love coaching. 28:30.930 --> 28:34.350 So I facilitated a program on brain-based coaching. 28:34.350 --> 28:37.650 And when I first did it, it was a bit harsh, 28:37.650 --> 28:39.510 and a bit serious. 28:39.510 --> 28:42.090 And over the years I began to, as you said, find things 28:42.090 --> 28:44.580 that were relevant between humor and coaching, 28:44.580 --> 28:47.490 and trying to find those stories that I could share. 28:47.490 --> 28:49.740 And I was so happy that people would put 28:49.740 --> 28:51.780 in their testimonials, 28:51.780 --> 28:54.480 Sue helped me remember, 28:54.480 --> 28:58.470 she taught me how to embed all of the concepts 28:58.470 --> 29:02.580 and theories in my brain by using humor, and emotion, 29:02.580 --> 29:05.310 and storytelling to bring it to life. 29:05.310 --> 29:08.010 And so for me, that was so, so important 29:08.010 --> 29:11.580 that then I decided with my colleague Karyn Buxman, 29:11.580 --> 29:14.940 we co-authored a paper, "Humor And Coaching". 29:14.940 --> 29:17.040 It just came out last year, was it? 29:17.040 --> 29:22.040 I think so, and in the paper we surveyed coaches, 29:22.110 --> 29:24.690 and we surveyed over 150 different coaches, 29:24.690 --> 29:26.940 and we asked them a lot of questions 29:26.940 --> 29:28.560 about what was appropriate, 29:28.560 --> 29:32.520 what were their challenges in using humor in coaching, 29:32.520 --> 29:35.010 and what worked, again, what worked. 29:35.010 --> 29:37.560 And of the 150, 29:37.560 --> 29:42.560 83% said that they use skills, 29:42.600 --> 29:44.400 but it's about appropriateness of skills. 29:44.400 --> 29:46.890 It's about using humor appropriately. 29:46.890 --> 29:50.850 And that it was important or very important for coaches. 29:50.850 --> 29:53.430 But yet when you begin to work with coaches, 29:53.430 --> 29:54.990 they get a bit nervous that they'll lose 29:54.990 --> 29:57.510 their professionalism or their credibility. 29:57.510 --> 30:00.390 So we bring up ideas on how, 30:00.390 --> 30:02.010 for example, I always start coaching 30:02.010 --> 30:04.080 with a little bit of self-deprecation, 30:04.080 --> 30:06.270 so that, again, that equalizer. 30:06.270 --> 30:09.060 Because a coach often comes in with higher status, 30:09.060 --> 30:13.260 and so it's very important to try to equalize your level 30:13.260 --> 30:14.790 with whoever you're coaching. 30:14.790 --> 30:17.670 And using humor, you can do that really well. 30:17.670 --> 30:22.620 Yeah, kind of impacts that seriousness of life, right? 30:22.620 --> 30:23.910 Everybody's so tense, 30:23.910 --> 30:28.910 and then just one good word that's humorous, that works, 30:29.520 --> 30:30.852 and all of a sudden the whole room is just like 30:30.852 --> 30:31.770 (Wayne blowing) 30:31.770 --> 30:34.980 all the anxiety just went away that fast, 30:34.980 --> 30:36.663 it's just pretty amazing. 30:38.095 --> 30:39.540 I think Joyce was gonna chime in too. 30:39.540 --> 30:40.373 Yeah, please, Joyce. 30:40.373 --> 30:41.373 Thank you, Wayne. 30:42.270 --> 30:44.190 In the world, then left, 30:44.190 --> 30:48.660 and it hardly matters some of the time what it's about. 30:48.660 --> 30:52.210 I will tell you one of my finest pieces of advices, 30:52.210 --> 30:55.020 and I don't care how old the person is, 30:55.020 --> 30:57.360 is we've gotta train people 30:57.360 --> 31:01.230 to get rid of the energy suckers in their lives. 31:01.230 --> 31:03.900 And when I tell people that the most important thing 31:03.900 --> 31:05.520 you can do with your life 31:05.520 --> 31:08.550 is to surround yourself with positive people, 31:08.550 --> 31:12.690 and for the coaches to recommend to their people, 31:12.690 --> 31:16.680 you need to make the people that are around you recognize 31:16.680 --> 31:19.470 how important that positivity is. 31:19.470 --> 31:21.000 It's always there, as we say, 31:21.000 --> 31:23.910 there is always a humorous underside 31:23.910 --> 31:25.500 to whatever is going on. 31:25.500 --> 31:28.380 And there's gotta be a way to help people lighten up 31:28.380 --> 31:31.443 because the energy suckers will kill you. 31:32.780 --> 31:34.290 It's not a joke. 31:34.290 --> 31:36.570 Yeah, I think about that, 31:36.570 --> 31:40.590 how humor is not designed 31:40.590 --> 31:45.000 to make what you're going through non-existent, 31:45.000 --> 31:47.250 or like it didn't matter, right? 31:47.250 --> 31:48.630 What humor does is brings 31:48.630 --> 31:51.070 that a little bit of levity into there 31:51.995 --> 31:55.440 just to take a little bit of that intensity out of it. 31:55.440 --> 31:57.240 To allow the emotions to break through 31:57.240 --> 31:59.310 because we're trying to hold everything in 31:59.310 --> 32:00.510 because it's so traumatic, 32:00.510 --> 32:03.120 or what people are going through is a difficult time. 32:03.120 --> 32:05.853 And that humor just brings that light bounce into it. 32:08.015 --> 32:11.017 It lets the light in, absolutely. 32:11.017 --> 32:12.840 It's letting the light in, 32:12.840 --> 32:14.130 bringing joy. Oh, I love it. 32:14.130 --> 32:18.035 Whatever the situation is, it's gonna let the light in. 32:18.035 --> 32:19.800 No, that's awesome. 32:19.800 --> 32:22.230 And building on that, one of the competencies 32:22.230 --> 32:24.210 for the International Coach Federation 32:24.210 --> 32:26.490 is about lightness and energy. 32:26.490 --> 32:29.100 They define humor in lightness and energy 32:29.100 --> 32:31.110 because coaches go, well, how do I use it? 32:31.110 --> 32:32.880 And just say, bring some lightness. 32:32.880 --> 32:35.820 Whenever the situation or the conversation is heavy, 32:35.820 --> 32:37.320 or the client that you're working with 32:37.320 --> 32:39.420 has some real difficult challenges, 32:39.420 --> 32:41.160 find a way to just bring that levity, 32:41.160 --> 32:42.870 and just bring it back up 32:42.870 --> 32:46.800 because you cannot be anxious and laugh at the same time. 32:46.800 --> 32:49.800 That anxiety, if we can try and tip the balance, 32:49.800 --> 32:50.970 and the threats that come in, 32:50.970 --> 32:53.730 and just try and tip it 32:53.730 --> 32:56.970 so that we have all those endorphins, and serotonin, 32:56.970 --> 33:00.540 and oxytocin flowing, and all these wonderful neurochemicals 33:00.540 --> 33:02.613 that keep us all positive and healthy. 33:03.510 --> 33:05.347 And by the way, just as an aside, 33:05.347 --> 33:08.190 you can't be depressed and eat an ice cream cone 33:08.190 --> 33:10.453 at the same time either. 33:10.453 --> 33:12.355 (everyone laughing) 33:12.355 --> 33:14.430 Good one, Joyce. That's pretty funny. 33:14.430 --> 33:15.570 That's funny 'cause last night 33:15.570 --> 33:17.190 I was sitting there on the couch, and I was like, 33:17.190 --> 33:18.810 man, I don't know what, I want a snack. 33:18.810 --> 33:19.890 And then I remembered, 33:19.890 --> 33:21.990 because I just got over COVID a few weeks ago, 33:21.990 --> 33:24.641 I'm like, I think we have popsicles still. 33:24.641 --> 33:25.890 (everyone laughing) 33:25.890 --> 33:27.630 So I'm like, do we still have popsicles? 33:27.630 --> 33:29.247 And my wife's like, yes we do. 33:29.247 --> 33:30.810 And I'm like, yeah, that's great. 33:30.810 --> 33:33.690 I mean, I haven't eaten popsicles since I was a kid, 33:33.690 --> 33:36.750 but it was like during COVID, I need a popsicle 33:36.750 --> 33:37.650 to deal with all that. 33:37.650 --> 33:40.107 So just one more quick question here, 33:40.107 --> 33:42.090 and then we're gonna wrap this up here. 33:42.090 --> 33:45.820 But around the aspect of 33:47.400 --> 33:50.160 some people feel like, do I need to be the comedian? 33:50.160 --> 33:52.053 Do I need to be the class clown? 33:53.040 --> 33:55.170 I don't have a sense of humor at all. 33:55.170 --> 33:57.660 I don't wanna offend people, all those things, 33:57.660 --> 33:58.560 all that intensity. 33:58.560 --> 34:01.380 So it's like, I don't know how to be humorous, 34:01.380 --> 34:03.480 or how to be funny, or how to do that. 34:03.480 --> 34:06.420 So somebody wanna jump in, and just say, 34:06.420 --> 34:08.970 what you guys have found out that 34:08.970 --> 34:11.170 maybe you don't have to be all those things? 34:12.360 --> 34:14.850 I think one of the biggest epiphanies 34:14.850 --> 34:19.150 that I had over my career was that 34:20.280 --> 34:24.000 there were multiple purposes of using humor. 34:24.000 --> 34:27.270 And we tend to think that the purpose of humor is 34:27.270 --> 34:30.300 to entertain the other person and to make them laugh. 34:30.300 --> 34:32.940 And if that's the case, we measure our success in 34:32.940 --> 34:35.220 how much we can make them laugh. 34:35.220 --> 34:39.480 But the other purposes that I recognized were influence. 34:39.480 --> 34:42.843 If we're coaching, if we're trying to motivate, educate, 34:43.800 --> 34:45.660 persuade somebody else, 34:45.660 --> 34:47.160 we're not measuring the success 34:47.160 --> 34:48.930 in how much we make them laugh. 34:48.930 --> 34:50.850 And particularly with healthy humor, 34:50.850 --> 34:53.100 when somebody is in chronic pain, 34:53.100 --> 34:56.460 or somebody is feeling isolated, or depressed, 34:56.460 --> 34:58.530 and they have the unseen disabilities 34:58.530 --> 35:01.620 that other people look upon and don't understand 35:01.620 --> 35:03.300 because they don't really know 35:03.300 --> 35:05.340 what this person is going through. 35:05.340 --> 35:07.800 When you're using humor for wellbeing, 35:07.800 --> 35:10.770 again, we're not recognizing the success 35:10.770 --> 35:13.350 by how much we make that person laugh. 35:13.350 --> 35:15.273 So you don't have to be funny. 35:16.410 --> 35:19.140 As we say, we wanna see funny, not be funny. 35:19.140 --> 35:21.420 We wanna be the humor appreciator. 35:21.420 --> 35:23.880 You don't have to be the humor initiator. 35:23.880 --> 35:28.530 And to use this humor to build the bonds, 35:28.530 --> 35:31.440 to strengthen the relationships when you feel isolated, 35:31.440 --> 35:35.250 to divert your attention when you're in chronic pain, 35:35.250 --> 35:39.450 to reframe the situation when you're feeling depressed, 35:39.450 --> 35:43.830 to refuel yourself when you have been in overwhelm, 35:43.830 --> 35:45.810 and just going, going, going, going, going 35:45.810 --> 35:47.370 without a respite. 35:47.370 --> 35:51.030 And so to use this humor in these ways, 35:51.030 --> 35:53.460 I think is just incredibly important. 35:53.460 --> 35:57.930 And people just often overlook the power of humor 35:57.930 --> 36:00.150 to help them in these situations. 36:00.150 --> 36:01.290 Awesome, anyone else? 36:01.290 --> 36:02.610 One more? 36:02.610 --> 36:04.863 I agree with what Karyn said. 36:06.060 --> 36:09.900 A lot of times if you're going into a situation 36:09.900 --> 36:12.300 where you know that you're gonna be stressed out, 36:12.300 --> 36:14.190 you know that the person that you're gonna talk to 36:14.190 --> 36:17.580 doesn't quite react the way that you wish you could 36:17.580 --> 36:19.260 get them to react, 36:19.260 --> 36:21.690 and your stress level starts to rise 36:21.690 --> 36:23.250 as you start to think about having 36:23.250 --> 36:25.290 to deal with that and go in. 36:25.290 --> 36:28.230 Sometimes you use the humor before that 36:28.230 --> 36:32.580 so that it lowers your blood pressure, 36:32.580 --> 36:34.050 it calms you down, 36:34.050 --> 36:36.120 and it can be anything. 36:36.120 --> 36:37.800 In my program, "Laughter For The Health Of It", 36:37.800 --> 36:39.210 I teach people how to see the humor 36:39.210 --> 36:41.070 when the comedian goes home. 36:41.070 --> 36:42.960 So you need to utilize humor, 36:42.960 --> 36:45.180 and find it in everything that you do. 36:45.180 --> 36:47.280 And if you can do something that you know, 36:47.280 --> 36:49.410 even just a simple aha, 36:49.410 --> 36:52.500 just telling yourself, ah, and ha, 36:52.500 --> 36:55.140 and do it enough so that you're laughing, 36:55.140 --> 36:57.330 and you can laugh at anything, 36:57.330 --> 36:59.100 you can go into that situation. 36:59.100 --> 37:00.870 You're not gonna change another person. 37:00.870 --> 37:02.880 The best psychiatrist can't do that. 37:02.880 --> 37:06.750 But you can change your reaction to that person, 37:06.750 --> 37:09.240 and when you laugh, you lower your blood pressure, 37:09.240 --> 37:10.740 you calm yourself down, 37:10.740 --> 37:13.080 and you're able to deal with the situation 37:13.080 --> 37:15.180 in the best way you can, 37:15.180 --> 37:16.980 and less damage to your body, 37:16.980 --> 37:20.460 and get out of there so that you can go on, 37:20.460 --> 37:23.970 and do something fun that you enjoy. 37:23.970 --> 37:26.040 Sue, you had something? 37:26.040 --> 37:27.090 I was just gonna say 37:27.090 --> 37:30.060 that you're talking about stress there, Roberta. 37:30.060 --> 37:31.260 I had a time in my life 37:31.260 --> 37:34.410 where I had a nine-year period of chronic stress, 37:34.410 --> 37:35.700 and I got very sick, 37:35.700 --> 37:37.560 and that's why I'm a brain nerd today 37:37.560 --> 37:40.410 because I began studying all about the brain, 37:40.410 --> 37:42.003 and I realized that. 37:43.290 --> 37:44.850 So for example, one of the first things I did 37:44.850 --> 37:46.410 was I went and got a dog. 37:46.410 --> 37:48.930 And people said, why'd you go and get a dog? 37:48.930 --> 37:50.160 And I went, well, I needed something, 37:50.160 --> 37:51.900 both exercise and light. 37:51.900 --> 37:53.538 And then I had a dog naming party. 37:53.538 --> 37:55.140 I thought, I need people, I need humor, 37:55.140 --> 37:56.430 so I had a dog naming party, 37:56.430 --> 37:58.980 and people came up with the craziest names. 37:58.980 --> 38:00.780 So we practiced running down the beach, 38:00.780 --> 38:04.230 calling to my dog, calling it the strangest of things. 38:04.230 --> 38:07.680 But it was my way of dealing with this very, 38:07.680 --> 38:11.700 very horrible diagnosis, 38:11.700 --> 38:13.500 and how was I gonna cope with it? 38:13.500 --> 38:15.690 And that's when I began to really use humor, 38:15.690 --> 38:17.487 and ask people to send me humor, 38:17.487 --> 38:21.570 and just build ideas of how to help myself get 38:21.570 --> 38:24.717 through that period of intense stress. 38:24.717 --> 38:28.053 And I like the Oscar Wilde quote, which you may have heard, 38:29.430 --> 38:31.680 but luckily I didn't learn it too late. 38:31.680 --> 38:35.490 But he said, "Life is too important to be taken seriously." 38:35.490 --> 38:39.090 And I had taken all those nine years way too serious. 38:39.090 --> 38:42.870 And if I'd only learned and joined the AATH earlier, 38:42.870 --> 38:45.630 then perhaps that would never have happened. 38:45.630 --> 38:48.047 (indistinct) 38:48.890 --> 38:50.880 Let me in, Wayne. 38:50.880 --> 38:52.620 Go ahead, please, Joyce. 38:52.620 --> 38:53.627 I just wanted to add, 38:53.627 --> 38:55.620 I know we don't have to be comedians, 38:55.620 --> 38:59.010 and for an instance, I'm not a comedian, 38:59.010 --> 39:02.670 but there is nothing wrong with breaking the tension 39:02.670 --> 39:07.380 in a situation by having a quick joke, or a funny quote, 39:07.380 --> 39:10.410 and I find that I am often in groups of people 39:10.410 --> 39:13.140 who have gotten just so serious about things 39:13.140 --> 39:16.290 that we can't change, things going on in the world, 39:16.290 --> 39:18.660 horrifying things going on in the news, 39:18.660 --> 39:20.610 and we can't change that. 39:20.610 --> 39:23.970 But what we can change is that moment in time 39:23.970 --> 39:25.107 that we have together. 39:25.107 --> 39:28.710 And sometimes just one little quick joke or statement 39:28.710 --> 39:31.530 can alter that so that all of us are laughing, 39:31.530 --> 39:34.740 and then we can go on and deal with what we can. 39:34.740 --> 39:35.940 No, I think that's fantastic. 39:35.940 --> 39:38.970 I know that a compliment I got from Karyn sometimes. 39:38.970 --> 39:41.100 She said I actually have pretty good comedic timing, 39:41.100 --> 39:42.030 which is good. 39:42.030 --> 39:44.880 And I love to do that too, right? 39:44.880 --> 39:46.500 Just to bring some levity to it, 39:46.500 --> 39:49.410 to just try to diffuse the seriousness of it. 39:49.410 --> 39:50.850 Understanding it is serious, right? 39:50.850 --> 39:52.050 And that's the point, right? 39:52.050 --> 39:54.030 What we're going through when we're living with disability, 39:54.030 --> 39:55.500 and illness, and those things. 39:55.500 --> 39:57.450 Those are tough times, right? 39:57.450 --> 40:00.867 But there's so many benefits we can look at in humor, 40:00.867 --> 40:02.667 and I'm so glad that we got together on this, 40:02.667 --> 40:03.500 and really talked about this. 40:03.500 --> 40:05.700 And this is just the start of this journey 40:05.700 --> 40:08.910 on the "Healthy Humor IDEAS" here at Invisible Disabilities. 40:08.910 --> 40:11.192 One of the things is you can learn more about AATH, 40:11.192 --> 40:14.100 you can go to aath.org. 40:14.100 --> 40:16.230 We should have this video up before the conference. 40:16.230 --> 40:18.090 And so we want people to go to the conference there. 40:18.090 --> 40:19.680 You can learn all about it there, 40:19.680 --> 40:21.390 here in Denver. Join us. 40:21.390 --> 40:22.440 What now? 40:22.440 --> 40:24.583 I'm just saying- Join us in Denver! 40:24.583 --> 40:27.030 The Curtis Hotel is so fun. 40:27.030 --> 40:29.880 This is gonna be just a blast. 40:29.880 --> 40:33.120 Please join us. April 4th through 7th. 40:33.120 --> 40:35.130 Oh my, you are all amazing. 40:35.130 --> 40:39.690 So I wanna know, let's just go my "Hollywood Squares" 40:39.690 --> 40:41.133 if anybody gets that reference. 40:41.133 --> 40:42.030 (Joyce laughing) 40:42.030 --> 40:45.693 So Roberta, how can people find out about you? 40:46.740 --> 40:50.940 Well, right here, they can go to laugh for you, 40:50.940 --> 40:53.320 L-A-F, the number, the letter. 40:53.320 --> 40:55.093 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 40:55.093 --> 40:56.160 (Roberta laughing) 40:56.160 --> 40:59.040 Sometimes I'm a speaker, sometimes I don't. 40:59.040 --> 41:02.940 laf4u.com. 41:02.940 --> 41:05.130 And you can also sign up for my free newsletter 41:05.130 --> 41:08.670 that I send out every Friday, it's free. 41:08.670 --> 41:10.832 Awesome, Joyce. 41:10.832 --> 41:12.780 Where can we get a hold of you? 41:12.780 --> 41:14.940 They can get all of me on YouTube 41:14.940 --> 41:18.867 if they like stories about sex that are funny, obviously. 41:18.867 --> 41:19.936 (Sue laughing) 41:19.936 --> 41:22.861 Or they can come to my email at kopisalt, 41:22.861 --> 41:27.360 kopisalt@aol.com 41:27.360 --> 41:29.550 That's how old I am, I still have AOL. 41:29.550 --> 41:32.010 And I answer my emails every day. 41:32.010 --> 41:33.970 Awesome, thank you. 41:33.970 --> 41:34.803 Sue? 41:35.910 --> 41:39.240 Yep, I run a business which is called Lifted Fog, 41:39.240 --> 41:42.240 again, that lifting up, trying to clear, 41:42.240 --> 41:43.710 help people get clarity. 41:43.710 --> 41:48.330 So Lifted Fog, remember fog, that foggy stuff, .com. 41:48.330 --> 41:51.339 And I'm building a new area called 41:51.339 --> 41:52.172 liftedfoghumor.com. 41:54.060 --> 41:57.180 Awesome, and Karyn, how can we get a hold of you? 41:57.180 --> 42:00.360 I am wildly identifiable, as most people would say. 42:00.360 --> 42:03.963 And I'm on every social media platform. 42:04.800 --> 42:08.880 I also put out something to rewire your brain every week 42:08.880 --> 42:10.394 called "Humor Habits", 42:10.394 --> 42:11.790 humorhabits.com, 42:11.790 --> 42:12.960 if people are interested 42:12.960 --> 42:14.970 in rewiring their brain for humor. 42:14.970 --> 42:17.910 And you can email me at karyn@karynbuxman.com 42:17.910 --> 42:20.430 and I would be happy to answer any additional questions, 42:20.430 --> 42:22.803 or schedule a cup of virtual coffee with you. 42:23.640 --> 42:26.280 Awesome, well, thank you so much, ladies, 42:26.280 --> 42:28.747 for joining us today on our first ever 42:28.747 --> 42:31.800 "Healthy Humor IDEAS" show, 42:31.800 --> 42:34.170 and many more to come. 42:34.170 --> 42:35.070 Yes. 42:35.070 --> 42:36.607 Thank you, Wayne. Thank you. 42:36.607 --> 42:39.190 (upbeat music) 42:57.124 --> 43:00.124 (soft upbeat music)